Gerald D. Skoning teaches us in this morning’s lineup that there may be life on other planets in the universe a mere 235 trillion miles from Earth. This seemingly impressive distance is “quite close in cosmic terms” Skoning asserts, and we’re obliged to take his word for it.
Of course, whether or not there is life on these planets is pure speculation now, and at first you might think this of interest only to astronomy nerds and others who don’t get out as much as they should. But consider this. If there are beings on these planets, leftists in America will insist, as they have with people from everywhere on Earth, that they are covered by all articles, clauses, and penumbras of the United States Constitution. And should these beings manage to traverse those 235 trillion miles and fetch up in America, they would have a right to stay here as long as they desire and would be entitled to welfare, food stamps, health care (“turn all your heads and cough”), drivers licenses, and in-state tuition. They might be voting by the 2020 election.
We don’t know what these beings look like, even how many eyes they may have. But if they break politically like previous immigrant populations, they’ll mostly vote Democrat. I fear they may find Elizabeth Warren appealing. She may claim them as her own. If white-as-rice Elizabeth can turn up American Indians lurking in in her family tree, how much trouble do you think she’ll have finding cousins from the planet Mongo? And would she dare run using the motto: “Make the universe great again”?
As if we didn’t have enough to worry about already. Thanks a lot, Gerald.