I understand that people are very upset that the angonoka turtles are disappearing, but what has me on edge is the slow extinction of blondes. For years, blondes have been the last hope for joy in a declining world. I…
In a few weeks, autumn will begin. You know, that time when leaves, your hair, and just about everything falls. Apples, cider, and red-brown foliage. It’s time to say goodbye to summer and to these satirical summer columns with which…
My favorite beach has been invaded by Portuguese men o’ war. Not soldiers, but some kind of jellyfish that are not actually jellyfish. I would prefer if it were an invasion of soldiers — at least you drown them in…
As environmentalists keep pestering them with the excuse of saving the planet, marine animals are getting more and more fed up with humans, which makes stings and bites on the beaches more and more frequent. The sun is also in…
The renowned Spanish author Gómez de la Serna used to say that to be bored is to “kiss death”; by the way, that is also what my friend Tony does before sleeping with his harpy girlfriend. Anyway, sometimes summer is…
Prehistoric man started his development by learning to hunt. His next challenge was to try to get on an inflatable unicorn in the pool. Man’s repeated failure in the struggle with the unicorn changed human evolution and led to the…
The match on Court Four at the FitzGerald Center in Washington’s Rock Creek Park had Maxime Cressy hitting 130, 135 mph serves to the lines or to the feet and Daniel Galan could not do anything about them and the first game…
Marc Polmans made a ballgame of it on the first day of the qualifying draw at Washington’s storied tennis tournament, these days called the Mubadala DC Citi Open, at Kennedy and 16th St. in Rock Creek Park. Polmans went down…
When I was a kid, the biggest beach towel was the size of a matchbox, and it was decorated with the faded 80s logo of some soft drink. It was also the thickness of a shrimp’s antenna, and its main…
