“Sometimes I think life is just a rodeo, the trick is to ride and make it to the bell.” Aside from “Rock and Roll Girls” being one of the most underrated songs ever written, it sort of sums up the daily lives of most Americans. Your hardships, your fears, your joys and sorrows, it’s all about making it to the “bell,” except, of course, for our “esteemed” congressmen and senators, who are simply waiting for the bell to ring, as “school is out for summer.” Blasts through the dorms. Ready to take a long recess as the rest of us trudge along in summer school.
Disturbing, fascinating, sad, pathetic, there is no adjective that truly sums up the abject failure of these tenured students who are “serving” our country. The sight of Republican senators getting on a coach bus to meet the “dean,” and cramming for the paper they had years to work on is truly indescribable. I’m not a parent of a child, but all Americans are parents to these children, since it we who are paying for their continued education.
At a certain point, we have to “stop chasing good money after bad,” cut our losses, and pull our children out of school. I know the argument will be that they aren’t ready yet for the real world, but it’s time for tough love. Who cares at this point if we lose in the midterms. These Republicans have already failed their midterms, and their final exams.
So, as your parents, we demand that you go to summer school like the rest of us, and forget everything you have ever “learned.” It’s time for remedial English, math, and writing. Yes, I’m aware that these remedial courses don’t give you more college credits. We’ve already spent enough money on you, so, what’s a few more months. Obviously, none of you knows the definition of repeal and replace, or how to draft any sort of legislation, or the basics of math.
Of course, the children at the other school are much worse. As a parent, I’d be mortified if my children behaved like Maxine, Chucky, Bernie, or, of course, their ring leader Nancy. We raised you better than that, and even though their parents should be ashamed, they are not. The fact that their behavior is worse than yours isn’t an excuse for your misbehavior. They aren’t our children, you are. So, please, don’t ever use them as a barometer for success, unless it’s their undying devotion to one another. You do realize though, that as Republican students, you are in the same school; right? The R in front of your names means Republicans.
It’s time for you “students” to grow up, and realize how hard your parents have worked, so that you could continue with your education. Maybe, it’s our fault. We have been too lenient with you. Instead of a smack, we gave you a time out. Maybe we just fell into the parent trap of “not my child.” But, your mom and dad have worked so hard, so many hours, and have given up so many vacations and sacrificed so much for you, don’t you think it’s time to return the favor?
Are we asking too much of you? Have we lowered our expectations that much? The thought of you, taking summer break: Paul Ryan in his board shorts, Mitch McConnell sipping Chardonnay, in his library, in his boxers, or any of you taking a recess is absolutely infuriating. It won’t be easy. While you will be working, the Democrats will have arts and crafts contests, as to who can make the better sign. The new game they’re playing, that’s all the leftist rage, is: “Who’s the hotter female terrorist” who can be accepted into their party, while watching the updated version of “Get Smart,” called “Get Trump.”
It’s pains me to have to talk to you like this, but you must choose to finally graduate into adulthood, or support yourselves. It doesn’t mean, that we won’t “love” you anymore. There will always be a meal ready for you. We just can’t keep up the financial support, not just because we can’t afford it, but it’s getting in the way of your growth. “Life is just a rodeo, the trick is to ride.” Now, ride dammit! Make us proud, “when you make it to the bell.”