Law & Order: Special SEALs Unit - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Law & Order: Special SEALs Unit

In light of the many concerns being raised about the killing of Osama bin Laden by the Navy SEALs — questions of propriety, civil rights, privacy, etc. — I thought it might be helpful to prepare a scenario that could have been followed instead:

SEAL Commander (knocking on door of the bin Laden compound in Abbottabad): Mr. Bin Laden, Jack Hartz here of the SEALs elite Sixth Team unit. Do you have a moment?

Bin Laden: Well, we’re right in the middle of dinner. Can you come back later — in about an hour, say?

SEAL Commander: Gee, we’d like to, sir, but this is pretty urgent. It shouldn’t take but a minute.

Bin Laden (grumbling): Oh, for Allah’s sake, OK, OK! (unlatches the door).

SEAL Commander: Thanks so much! Sorry to bust in like this, but we’re under orders to capture you dead or alive. It’s not my idea, you understand.

Bin Laden: I know but it’s Sunday night. We were just about to watch “24.” So what’s the big deal that this visit couldn’t wait until Monday?

SEAL Commander: We want to inform that you have the right to remain silent and….

Bin Laden: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what do you want to know exactly?

SEAL Commander: We’ll need to see a picture ID, first of all, to make sure you are indeed the Osama bin Laden. And then we need to take a DNA sample for final proof. Sorry for the intrusion and all but we try to do this by the book.

Bin Laden: No problem. You fellas got a job to do. But why me? I’m just a simple rug merchant. Say, can I get you boys anything — coffee, soda?

SEAL Commander: We understand you may be the guy behind the World Trade Center slaughter and we need to ask you a few questions. If you resist, I’m afraid we may need to kill you. It’s just routine.

Bin Laden: I’m cool with that. I don’t want to cause any trouble.

SEAL Commander: We do appreciate your cooperation, Mr. Bin Laden. Now then, did you in fact have anything to do with bringing down the Twin Towers on September 11, 2001?

Bin Laden: Yeah, I remember reading about that. Terrible tragedy. But was I involved? No, no, no, you’ve got the wrong guy. There are a lot of Bin Ladens in these parts. People are always confusing us. Just last week, some guy from Pakistani intelligence came by to see if I was somehow connected to al Qaeda. He later apologized for the mix-up.

SEAL Commander: Sir, these photos I have here appear to be a clear match. I’m afraid we have no choice but to book you and take you downtown for further questioning.

Bin Laden: OK, let me get my coat. Could I finish dinner first?

SEAL Commander: Sure, take you time. Real nice place you got here.

Bin Laden: Well, we like it. We’ve fixed it up a lot.

SEAL Commander: Yeah, those 18-foot walls are real eye-catching. I especially like the barbed wire touch.

Bin Laden (finished eating, pats his coat): OK, I think I got everything — keys, wallet, body armor. How long do you think this will take? I got a big day tomorrow.

SEAL Commander: Shouldn’t be too long once we run a check on your movements over the past ten years.

Bin Laden: Hey, I’m always happy to cooperate with the law.

Sign Up to receive Our Latest Updates! Register

Notice to Readers: The American Spectator and Spectator World are marks used by independent publishing companies that are not affiliated in any way. If you are looking for The Spectator World please click on the following link:

Be a Free Market Loving Patriot. Subscribe Today!