Al Gore’s hemisphere is heating up. Portland, Ore., police have reopened an investigation into allegations that the former vice president sexually assaulted a hotel masseuse in 2006. Gore denies it, of course, but he could be following in the vaunted footsteps of other recent Democratic politicians.

The pattern goes like this: vehemently deny the allegations, admit to some of the allegations, admit to all of the allegations, flee the country, begin bar hopping.

But that’s unfair to Gore. After all, his separation from Tipper had nothing to do with marital infidelity and everything to do with George W. Bush and those Republican shills on the Supreme Court.

But there’s more. After years of silence, Elian Gonzalez has spoken to foreign reporters. There are no surprises — he tows the communist party line well, trumpeting the mirage of bliss in Cuba. Yet the Clinton administration’s bungled handling of the case likely cost Gore plenty of Cuban-American votes in Florida in 2000, votes that could have helped him secure a narrow win, snag the state’s electoral votes, and spend at least four, and probably eight, gleeful years in the White House with his wife.

So, in the end, the Gores’ separation is Elian’s fault.