There she goes again, reporting for duty. And here we thought she was safely squirreled away at a nunnery. No such luck. But even she should admit she makes her own luck, and in certain matters her luck was her own doing, or undoing, as history will have it. So the real question is: Who leaked those lascivious 2005 NBC Apprentice tapes last October? Who signed off on their release at a key moment in the presidential campaign, their purpose being to apply the coup de grace to the staggering Trump campaign?
According to all the Russian hackers we know, there was only one person in the entire universe who could have given the nod. We know her as Hillary. The hackers call her Gillary, there being no “h” in the Russian language. Yet one more thing to cause her skin to crawl and to blame it all on Putin once she finds some safe space of her own in which to do so. Trump luckily doesn’t drink. If it had been Putin literally breathing down her neck, we’d be hearing insights into the stench of vodka breath. Poor Hill, always victimized by her own incompetence.
And we must defend her honor in other matters as well. Reports surfaced the other day that her indispensable aide, Ms. Huma Abedin, whose estranged husband literally does his breathing down screen, has been paid nearly $65,000 by Hillary’s campaign since mid-November of last year. A scandal? By Democrat standards, that was just minimum wage. Only if the amount was to have been $650,000 and Hillary kept 90 percent of it for herself would we be smelling a new rat. Of course, it’s possible Ms. Huma, or Ms. Guma to our hackers, could still be collecting additional payments from the State Department and the Clinton Foundation. Then her arrangements would become truly meaningful again. We’re sure Robert Mueller is paying close attention and readying one of his patented pre-dawn raids.
We’re all racists now, in case you didn’t know. Everyone is unless given a clean bill of health by the losers of November 8, 2016 — who, according to the latest polling — amount to some two-thirds of the U.S. population. All of their heavy breathing will indeed take your breath away. And for those proportions to make sense, one must conclude that many Republicans are on board the anti-Nazi Crusade. According to story after story in the New York Times, those include key figures in the Republican congressional leadership. No heavy breathing from them — they’re always short of breath. It’s as if Trump had invaded their space and snuck up on them from behind as well. They have the nerves of a cat hiding up a tree, a majority forever hoping to be restored to permanent minority standing. Like the president the other night, we won’t name any names. We have only so much lung power to waste. And unlike the president, we’re not quick to display pardon power.
Tuesday night in Phoenix the president put on a grand show. He looked healthier – because slimmer? — than ever, and went on and on in good spirts, touching on countless issues, entertaining and illuminating and playing politics with verve and wit and bite and throughout conveying of marvelous sense of being alive. His audience had a great time, too it appeared, for all 77 minutes of his remarks and all that waiting time they had to put in before and after. Anyone who watched could see the president was in fine form and probably better form than he displayed during his winning campaign of 2015-2016.
So right after it ended we snuck a masochistic look at CNN to get a sense of how the heaviest of breathers might be reacting. No disappointment there. Some shlubby guy, sweating profusely with a very pained look on his face, began uttering — and this was before Don Lemon took it from there — how clear it is that the president lacks “stability” and must be straitjacketed forthwith. How we miss the days of querulous criticism and instant analysis. And of course, the shlub based his diagnoses on all the things Republicans have been to the New York Times about their president.
Yes, that includes you Senator Corker. So take one for your team, Corky. You’re still on our short list for viceroy of Iran. The mullahs you nuclearized know a thing or two about real stability. Another EOW prize won’t hurt your chances in exuding the kind of authority that will also bring stability to your troubled mind, your Republican bona fides, and the entire Islamic world.