It wasn’t meant to last. Sally Q., we really didn’t get to know you. No sooner did you come into our lives than you were out the door, “napalmed,” as the Washington Post’s Chris Cillizza would say, by a president not nice enough to appreciate your self-profile in courage. In happier days your typical Sally Yates would have enjoyed 15 minutes of fame. Now she was lucky to get 1.5 seconds, and zap — another mosquito bitten back, twice as hard. To put it another way, she never did establish her residence in Enemy Central country and we didn’t even need an executive order to subject her to the extreme vetting she never earned.
Ah, but the pickings do not remain slim. Not if your name Arnold and the new president has just reminded him that his TV ratings are worse than they were back when he was governator of the quake state. So Arnold thought he would get even and offer to trade places in order to allow the American people to sleep better at night. Just what we need — an actual foreign-born president living in the White House. How long before the current incumbent would remind the people not only of the sleep-over specialist’s Austrian birther mark, but by extension his links to that Hitler guy?
As it turns out, there are two Republican gals no one will ever accuse of being feminazis. Geographically, Lisa Murkowski and Susan Collins couldn’t be farther apart. But when it comes to opposition to a successful woman, they might as well be Romulus and Remus. Memo to President Trump: no more women appointments to your cabinet. At least not until a few more Joe Manchins join the GOP’s Senate ranks. Many are the nuclear options he will have to opt for.
California doesn’t cease to amaze. Probably the most amazing liberal success story ever. A one-party utopia, now guaranteed to allow that one party to win the popular presidential vote for Democrats until kingdom come. Yet for all that invincibility it’s turning out to be a huge liability. The Electoral College protects the rest of the 49 states from its incomparable perfection, so that most of the country can function as if California didn’t exist. Whether it stays in the union or reunites with Baja California won’t matter. The rest of the country has moved on. Sure, it might be a nice place to visit — we’ll always think the Golden Gate Bridge is tops, not to mention the San Diego Zoo — but do we really need to put up with storm-trooping Berkeley? Or new calls to declare California a sanctuary state? Or an NFL-indifferent city like Los Angeles now becoming home to two NFL teams, both scheduled to play in a stadium an onside kick away from LAX’s crowded runways? Sometimes a place has to be left to its own devices. But don’t worry, Golden Staters. You’ll always have Nancy Pelosi.
In our precincts, Nancy remains a contender. But she and the rest of the state’s Camorra let us all down big time. Officially, climate change had turned California into a permanent drought zone. President Obama took them at their word, and planned a long golf vacation after his presidency expired. Just to be on the safe side, he chose a desert clime. So what happened? The plane formerly known as Air Force One was to deliver him to the Palm Springs area, only to be rerouted by bad weather to a landing site further away. Not a good omen. Next thing you know, it was too wet for golf, and Michelle was getting angry. So without much ado, off the ex-first couple flew to the Caribbean to be put up by a Brit billionaire who runs something called the Virgin Group of countless businesses. The vacation in humble surroundings did wonders. His good mood restored, Michelle off his case, and his social conscience duly replenished, he was in position to condemn his successor’s failure to display appropriate “American values.” Okay, be that way, Barack. So Barack is back, in other words, an EOW who keeps on ticking… everyone off.
And he’s yet to return to D.C. That’ll be something. Any day now, it’ll be time for another Washington march. Believers in American values will expect nothing less.
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