Well, that didn’t take long. Just a week since our return, a bunch of Hollywood types have sent us an audition tape, hoping to win some recognition in our weekly pageant. So there we have Martin Sheen, reminding everyone why his son Charlie is infinitely preferable. A no-goodnik beats a goody-goody every time, Dad. Charlie would probably show the Electoral College voters a much better time, too, and wouldn’t demand Hillary and Bernie impose free tuition on the rest of us to cover their tuition plus room and board. He’d just pay it himself.
James Cromwell plays a prominent role in the snuff film. By most accounts, no one knows who he is. But at Enemy Central, we have deep files and deeper memories. Isn’t it just like our Dem friends to rely on an actor who starred as the creepiest, meanest cop killer in any movie ever made, L.A. Confidential? In that flick, he came across as no less charming than in his latest audition. Watch your back and your front and sides.
Then there’s the actress formerly known as “Hot Lips,” Ms. Loretta Swit. It’s too bad she felt compelled to come out of retirement for such a last go-round. But what was fellow M*A*S*H-er Mike Farrell’s excuse? The only thing interesting about him is he’s a truer lefty than Bernie Sanders himself. If we had to bet, he probably took both his wives on honeymoon to Central America.
Have we missed anyone? There was that whale of a guy, Moby, not to mention a lot more other guys than gals, whose ranks weren’t enhanced by the presence of Ms. Debra Messing. Her greatest film role was as a woman desperately in need of finding a date for her sister’s overseas wedding. So she hires a male escort — and before you know it, falls for the gigolo (Dylan McDermott’s greatest role). We always assumed they went on to live happily ever after, but now we’re not so sure. Hating Donald Trump suggests to us a certain deep-seated unhappiness on the part of the hostile party. There’s got to be a better way to live than by spewing contempt at a friendly and likeable 70-year-old New Yorker. Please, no more Messing around.
At least she’s not Elizabeth Banks, who thought she was pretty hot stuff slinging prime-time contempt at Donald from the stage of last summer’s Democratic National Convention. When last seen, just before November 8, Ms. Banks was singing some obscene song in urging anti-Trumpsters to bother to vote. Why she doesn’t appear in Mr. Sheen’s instructional video will have to remain a mystery. Perhaps she doesn’t take direction well. Perhaps she doesn’t like to appear alongside old men and women. Which might also means she might not have much of a political future.
You no doubt heard that early polling for 2020 has Joe Biden leading the Democratic pack, followed by Bernie, and, winning the bronze, a relative ingénue, Prof. Elizabeth Warren. And that’s assuming the one and only Hillary will be sitting 2020 out, setting her sights on 2024 when she feels Mike Pence will be an easier opponent than his boss after a glorious first term.
So do we have a winner? That depends on what the meaning of winning is. Best we can tell, everyone who isn’t out to sabotage the results of November 8 has been compounding his winnings ever since. As for the losers, well, what good will another Enemy of the Week prize do them. What the hell, let’s give it to someone anyway. How about Ms. Banks, then? She’s overdue and besides, we hope this belated recognition will motivate her to appear in Martin Sheen’s next video. It’ll be okay, if she brings Charlie. Any signs of life will be treasured by all.