Dead Man Doddering - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Dead Man Doddering

Dead Man Doddering doddered his way through the State of the Union, thanks to dosing Razadyne and Aducanumab, and I would pay good money to hear him try to get that word out of his mouth.  

He even managed an echo of dignity delivering the Deputy Barney Fife-esque line: “Putin is now isolated from the world more than he has ever been.” The White House speechwriting staff needs either to repeat Speech Writing 101 or just accept destiny and become stand-up comics.   

With the State of the Union accomplishment now under his belt, Dead Man Doddering is a sure bet to be officially admitted into that elite clique of world “leaders”: dictators and a few benign cultural heroes who have continued to persist despite having died (or, as in Dead Man Doddering’s case, despite the brain having left the building — e.g., Mad King George III).

To quote from Don McLean’s song about a carnival corpse, a man “found more life in death than life gave him at birth.”  

That other Uncle Joe — Joseph Stalin — of course runs that clique. His embalmed body was on public display and viewed by thousands daily for nearly 20 years after his death in 1953. Because it took that long for people in power to overcome their mortal fear of Uncle Joe’s death. He was that kind of a guy! He ruled minds from his glass-encased pool of formaldehyde.  

And maybe Uncle Joe still runs the show in Russia, judging from recent events in Ukraine. Despite the horrific mass murders and political murder assembly lines and gulags and dire economies Uncle Joe oversaw, he remains today a popular figure, with over 50 percent of Russians still admiring him and all he did for and to Russia. OVER FIFTY PERCENT! And you’re surprised these same Russians let Putin run the show today?

Stalin — assuming he’s still the same old courtly, unwoke communist misogynist — will first introduce our own Dead Man Doddering to the lone female member, Eva Perón, once the wife of Argentine leader (er … dictator) Juan Perón. Auspiciously in June 1952, he named Eva the “spiritual leader” of the country. A month later, she became truly spiritual when she died. Juan had her body embalmed. But times were tough for the dictator and chaos led to the disappearance of her body. It was discovered in 1971 in a crypt in Italy and returned to Juan (now living in exile in Spain on his millions, as exiled dictators are wont to do). Juan and his third wife displayed Evita’s corpse in their dining room for years. This is when things only start to get crazy. A few years later, Juan returned to power in Argentina and — hang on, it gets crazy here — died in a few years. His wife Isabel took the reins. Terrorists pressured her into bringing Evita back to Argentina. Her corpse is presently in a tomb built with trapdoors and fake coffins. We await Evita’s next moves.

Vladimir Lenin started the practice of communist “leaders” having their corpses displayed. His is apparently still on display in Moscow and quite the tourist attraction. Elsewhere, Chairman Mao is viewed … and perhaps he views … thousands of observers daily. Turn him into an American roadshow and I’m sure millions of wokesters would cough up 10 bucks or more to catch a peek of history’s Number One Mass Murderer. Because he was a great communist. Who cared about the little guy. Like Biden.

Add to the publicly displayed list Ho Chi Minh, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong Il, and of course, the late Venezuelan Communist Hugo Chavez. They did so much for their people.

And let’s not forget Hitler’s Brain. It, or he?, reprised himself in a 1968 movie, They Saved Hitler’s Brain. He’ll be around another thousand years, surely. 

I’m one of those people, too, who don’t think Abe Lincoln was really killed. I know. I’ve seen him. At Disneyland. Don’t tell me that’s not Abe. Okay, maybe he is dead, but he’s still ticking! And talking!

Same for another Uncle. No, not another Joe. I’m talking Uncle Walt, as in Disney. He’s chilling out somewhere, biding his time for revivification. (I’d pay good money to hear Dead Man Doddering get that word out of his mouth, too). And when Walt does come back, he’s not going to like what’s been going at his studios. Not. One. Little. Bit. Things are going to change, and it won’t be pretty.

And still on tour, the long-deceased Keith Richards continues to work his magic on guitar for the Rolling Stones.

Our president, Dead Man Doddering, has found his clique with dead communists who don’t give up. He has the status he’s always craved. And thank you, Dr. Jill, for helping tailor his pre-embalming. What with all the plastic surgery and meds and naps, naps, naps, naps, and more naps and a solid 10 hours of sleep at night, he already looks good — while at the same time being as good as gone. Dr. Jill has even helped him put the nail in that special far-away glassy-eyed gaze he has. Poor Mao, Stalin, and the others who need to keep their lids closed.

Will America ever have to say goodbye to our dynamic Dead Man Doddering? I implore Disney World to negotiate with Dr. Jill and Hunter Biden for a 100-year license for Dead Man Doddering’s performance rights at a special exhibit at Disney World. I for one will pay good money to hear Dead Man Doddering say revivification and aducanumab.      

And top dollar for supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

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