Conventional Wisdom: ‘Go Pound Sanders!’ - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Conventional Wisdom: ‘Go Pound Sanders!’

“Twerkers of the world, unite!”

This classic slogan was ready to back up the candidacy of Comrade Bernie Sanders for the Presidency until it was derailed by debit, debility, and debasement… Debbie for short. While poor Bernie was working hard rallying the faithful in state after state, the game was rigged so that all Hillary Clinton had to do was… er, mail it in. But whether you believe Bernie lost to the female, or to the email, he deserves credit for taking defeat like a male (if you are still allowed to say that aloud.)

The scandal which threatened to upend the Democrat Convention in Philadelphia involved Democrat emails and voicemails which, like all Democrat talking points, were publicized by a hack. The only problem was that these particular communications involved private matters, like yoga and weddings, and as such should properly have been brought to high price lawyers who could delete them in a manner so thorough as to prevent any subsequent retrieval by the FBI. Instead, they wound up in the possession of dubious international techno geeks, who in turn passed them on to Wikileaks, an organization so beloved by the most transparent administration in history that its founder has become a fugitive.

In the publicized internal memos of the Democrat National Committee it was discovered that Debbie Wasserman Schultz and her staffers — the crone and her cronies — were conspiring to throw cold water on the Bern. Nor were they limited to a single device. Among other brainstorms by these masterminds was the idea to tell people who don’t like Jews that Bernie is a Jew and to tell people who do like Jews that Bernie is an atheist. OMG, or maybe not so much.

Apparently the first female Presidential candidate has put the chick back into chicanery. In her years working with Marion Wright Edelman on behalf of village children, Hillary believed strongly in Head Start, and clearly those views have stood her in good stead all these many years later. She started the race way ahead and finished slightly ahead. Bernie was left panting in pursuit behind her pants suit.

And so history was made. The first candidate ever married to an accused rapist. The first candidate who had been cuckolded in the White House. The first candidate whose husband takes photographs with porn stars. The first candidate who is married to an impeached President. The first candidate to have an active FBI criminal investigation against her through most of the primary season. The first candidate to call the mother of a fallen service man a liar.

That is our Hillary of Wellesley. She is first in everything, not a layabout. Indeed she is “first in (lying about) war, first in (lying about) peace, first in (lying about) the hearts of her countrymen.” Her husband was as phony as a three dollar bill, but she is a change maker, so that now the two of them are just a couple of singles.

Despite all this, the collegiate types in the Democrat Party were not disposed to be collegial, and not collegial about being disposed of. They were quickly turning the Big Tent into a Big Top circus, chanting and booing their dissatisfaction through an array of presentations, including a pseudo-invocation by a priest sounding more like a Hillary pitch woman than a seeker of spiritual guidance from Above. The youth were still backing the hippie from the 70s over the hippy woman in her 70s.

Enter Saint Bernard, yipping and tugging at the leash like a faithful rescue dog. The most famous such canine, of course, was aptly named Barry and is immortalized by a statue which stands in… yes, you guessed it: Berne! Bernie sold out, though praising Hillary with faint damns: “By any objective measure, she is better than Trump.” He forgot that his followers were not pursuing measured objectives.

The revolution will go on, he promised, but by then his people had abandoned the convention hall to weep in the media tent. The idealistic part of the ceremonies was over. The drugs were wearing off and only the Liberty Bell was on crack. All that was left was to witness the final act of Bill and Hill’s Marriage of Convention. Juanita Broaddrick and all the victims who hoped for vindication were told to put it on ice. Amazingly, there are still a few people who were raped by the Clintons and did not contract a venal disease.

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