Sports fans know that Tim Tebow, insufficiently culturally au courant to find a place in the NFL, has had a recent baseball tryout. A bit rusty looking, as he hasn’t played the game since high school. But he’s an outstanding athlete with a slugger’s body. So perhaps… (I know, I know, Michael Jordan hit .202 and all that). News has it that the Atlanta Braves are interested. It’s not clear how many frozen ropes Tebow would hit in a Braves uniform, but he would doubtless sell some tickets. This even though the sports media are already complaining that Tebow isn’t a good pocket outfielder.
Tebow indeed wasn’t a good pocket quarterback, though he always seemed to be improving his downfield game just about when he was cut by yet another NFL team. And there were all those things he could do that other NFL quarterbacks couldn’t. It’s hard not to conclude that he didn’t fit in anywhere in the NFL because he’s a devout Christian, doesn’t try to hide this, and spends his off-seasons doing missionary work rather than being arrested for driving his sports car 110 miles per hour with Madonna on board.
So if Tebow wishes to succeed in Major League sport — any sport — he will have to work on his habits as well as his game. My advice to him is to: get several tattoos, start using foul language, accumulate some DUI arrests, beat up the wife, start some bar fights in the wee hours, develop a goofy hairdo, and announce that he has become a Satanist. With these pedigrees, he would be a candidate for ESPN’s Comeback Player of the Year award. Of course then he would no longer be Tim Tebow, but just another overpaid, obnoxious jock.
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