About As Warm As An Ice Floe | The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
About As Warm As An Ice Floe
Larry Thornberry
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By now, readers know that the Democratic Party has designated Debbie Wasserman Schultz for assignment after she finished dead last in the Miss Congeniality balloting. Other candidates included Lady Macbeth, chef Gordon Ramsey of “Kitchen Nightmares” fame, the ghost of Leona Helmsley, and two axe murderers. She was also dinged for putting her thumb on the scale for Mz Hillary during the primaries. Imagine that — the most qualified candidate to run for president in Barack Obama’s lifetime needed help from Debbie to defeat a geriatric red-diaper baby from Vermont by way of New York who honeymooned in the Soviet Union, isn’t even a Democrat, and in non-election years lives in an attic with Ron Paul.

So it’s back to AA ball for the dubious Debbie when the convention is done and dusted. The new chairwomanperson of the DNC will be Donna Brazille, she of the “We’re not going to let the white boys win” fame.  Thus eloquence replaces the fastball under the chin.

In his short, boiler-plate, thanks-for-your-service statement out of the White House, Obama thanked our Debbie for the usual hard work and dedication and, taking spin to a new level, for “her warmth.” HER WARMTH!?! Huh? Hives and Hemorrhoids! The mind reels. I’ve never seen the word “warmth” and “Debbie Wasserman Schultz” in the same paragraph before. I’m sure TAS readers haven’t either. The woman has all the warmth of an arctic ice floe, or of a Hillary Clinton smile. She’s a scorpion. If we relied on Debbie for warmth, the entire nation would have frostbite. You couldn’t thaw this woman out with a thermo-nuclear blast.

I know politicians feel they have to spin. But this one is really over the top. A new altitude record. Political campaigns always produce bizarre statements, this year’s presidential race more than most. But praise for Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s warmth, while it may not establish a new NCAA record for forensic overreach, is damned impressive nonetheless.

Larry Thornberry
Larry Thornberry
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Larry Thornberry is a writer in Tampa.
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