I love Halloween. I’m a geek at heart (well, not really even at heart – I’m just a geek) and will take any excuse to dress up as a comic book character or superhero movie heroine. But social justice warriors and helicopter parents make Halloween a difficult holiday to negotiate.
Every year, there are countless stories of the horrors of Halloween – and I don’t mean the scary masks or the haunted houses or those weird zombie paintball runs that never quite work out the way you want them to. I mean “needles in your candy,” “serial killers who might live in your neighborhood,” “problems with giving children sugar because their teeth will rot and their ADHD medication won’t work” and the kicker of all of them, the inevitable, 1000 word think piece on “too sexy” costumes for little girls.
This year, some SJWs (or, for the uninitiated, “internet feminist harpies”) are taking it upon themselves to suggest more “empowered” costumes for young girls than those you might find in your average Spirit Halloween store. Now, I have nothing against going as, say, Marie Curie or Frieda Kahlo (especially since both have the added possibility of some truly gruesome makeup effects – radiation is bad for you, kids!), or even as a tiny Supreme Court justice. But I have to draw the line as Makers Women’s suggested “female empowerment” Halloween costume.
That’s right, parents of America: nothing says “heroic role model for your daughter” like an over-rated, oversharing untalented television hack with a penchant for describing humiliating sexual experiences in great detail, lobbing unfounded accusations of rape against real people, and potentially engaging in unlawful sexual contact with a minor child. Perhaps you can even train your Kindergartener to say ridiculous things like, “I think I’m the voice of my generation,” “I blame Republicans for my lack of self-esteem,” and “Planned Parenthood killed at least a third of my classmates.” For added effect, she could tear off all of her clothes and run around naked eating cake.
She probably does that anyway, since it’s acceptable behavior for a toddler.
The good news is, the costume isn’t hard to pull together if you do end up wanting to terrify your neighbors. One visit to a thrift store should take care of the clothing part, and you can let your toddler cut her own hair and draw her own tattoos (and, perhaps, even write their own book – it can’t possibly be worse). They’ll look just like Lena’s, no problem. I may even try it myself. I’ll empty that haunted house of amateur actors faster than a bit part audition for Law and Order: SVU.