I’ve been on the Hillary beat for a while now and I can confidently say that there are few things on which we agree.
Today, on her quest to invigorate the women who are supposed to fall in line behind her candidacy simply because she and they have a matching set of genitalia and a shared love of Amy Schumer, Hillary Clinton decided to make a bold proclamation: unlike every middle-aged minivan driver on the planet, she doesn’t support America’s embrace of the pumpkin spice latte.
The Democratic presidential candidate revealed in a Facebook Q&A on Monday that she used to be a fan of Starbucks’ popular autumn-timed drink. That is, she says, until she eyed the nutrition facts.
When a Facebook user asked if Clinton is a “pumpkin spice latte kind of gal,” the former secretary of State replied, “Ha! The true answer is I used to be until I saw how many calories are in them. –H”
We have finally found common ground between us. I, frankly, can’t stand the taste of pumpkin spice lattes – or the taste of any pumpkin spice product (except actual pumpkin pie made with real pumpkin). I don’t understand at all how people can claim they wait all year for the “first PSL” of the season. It tastes like you’re licking the dirt off a rotting squash, with the added bonus taste of “scorched dairy product.” It’s like someone took a visual of what Jack O’Lanterns look like a week after Halloween, mushy and half-eaten by squirrels, and thought to themselves, what would this taste like as a drink? It’s like fall vomited.
The best part of Hillary’s rationale for PSL refusal, though, is that its quintessentially liberal. She answered this question right after pontificating on the Republican Party’s penchant for telling people how to run their lives — and then walked right into pumpkin spice latte-shaming. I mean, I may not agree with your beverage choice, but I support your right to pump squash-flavored liquid into your very veins if you so desire. Hillary won’t miss an opportunity to make you feel bad about it.
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That’s right, the Grinch (Joe Biden) is coming for your pocketbooks this Christmas season with record inflation. Just to recap, here is a list of items that have gone up during his reign.
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