The Morning Spectacle: Happy Monday! - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
The Morning Spectacle: Happy Monday!

Welcome to the inaugural edition of The Morning Spectacle, providing everything you need to face your week with a renewed cynicism.

In Our Sights:

Rand Paul has found a solution to his “Kentucky Problem,” and can now run for Senate and for President at the same time — and he did it without even stepping foot in Kentucky. He’s been in Haiti for the last few weeks doing free eye surgeries.

New York’s Mayor Bill de Blasio has solved all of New York City’s other problems, so he’s now taking on Time Square’s topless panhandlers. His solution: bulldozing Times Square, naturally.

Three Americans may have thwarted Ayoub El Khazzani‘s train rampage earlier this weekend, but the terrorist, who ended up hogtied with an ascot, says he wasn’t trying to kill everyone — just rob them blind. With eight rounds clips full of ammunition.

Despite Hillary Clinton’s sincerely-held belief that her emails only became classified after she viewed them, many of the communications were “born classified” according to a Reuters investigation

Following his raucous Alabama rally, Donald Trump warned “hedge fund guys” that they’re “on notice.” He’d prefer they engage in speculative real estate deals instead.

Strange and Wonderful:

Detroit’s mayor would prefer that you kindly register your personal flamethrower, or he might have to make it illegal.

Around the Watercooler:

Ellen Page learned the hard way that there’s a reason Ted Cruz consistently won top honors for his debate skills. Cruz, who didn’t recognize Page because she hasn’t done much in the last five years, defeated her argument and perfectly cooked his pork chop, to boot.

Breakfast with Oscar Wilde:

“Netanyahu complains that we left Iran with centrifuges intact,

but Obama dismisses that as just spin…”

Happy Monday Spectators!

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