Once upon a time, Chris Christie used birth control. 

The point of the speech was to discuss how that didn’t make him a “bad Catholic” (or something), but it really ended up giving some prospective voters an education in parts of Christie’s life that they were demonstrably uninterested in. Keep your eye on the poor man in the foreground, ostensibly not having any more of his lunch. And possibly never eating again. 

Dear heaven, make it stop. 

And here you all made fun of me for pointing out how horrifying these kinds of lectures can be when Rick Santorum gave one about how his seven children were proof that he knew how to get it on in the bedroom, or when Bernie Sanders wrote about his S&M fantasies in a Vermont alternative weekly.

That was merely the tip of the iceberg, America. Just wait. Hillary Clinton is next.