1. Are you an American citizen?
– “Yes.” (Congrats. Proceed to q.2)
– “No.” (End questionnaire. Thanks. Gracias. Merci. Dankeschön.)
2. Do you value your civil liberties?
– “Of course I do” (Thank goodness. Proceed to q.3)
– “Nope.” (End questionnaire. Consider voting Democrat, or at least stumping for McCain/Graham ‘16.)
3. Concerned by collusion between big business and big government?
– “Yep.” (Smart. Proceed to q.4)
– “Nah.” (Huh. Fair enough. End questionnaire. Scoop up a copy of Tim Carney’s The Big Ripoff, immediately.)
4. Weirded out by the notion that government can access your private information and browsing history without a warrant?
– “Uh, are you kidding?” (I wish. Proceed to q.5)
– “I humbly submit myself to our benevolent federal overlords.” (End questionnaire. Lay prostrate. Consume soma ration.)
5. Find it odd that one single bill, CISPA, voids all previous internet privacy law?
– “Yarp.” (I like the cut of your jib. Proceed to q.6)
– “Narp.” (Shocked you made it this far, but end questionnaire. Close browser. Back away from computer. Proceed to nearest nearest mirror. Take long, hard look.)
6. Want to preserve internet freedom?
– “Sure do! I like the internet so much, I’m on it right now!” (Perhaps you should call your congressman. Then proceed to q.7)
7. Now are you feeling festive?
– “Sure am!” (Well, you could wish leading contra-CISPA crusader Rep. Justin Amash a happy 33rd birthday on twitter at @repjustinamash)
– “Maybe some other time. (My birthday’s in June. Check back, and thanks in advance.)
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