Sleepers of the Year - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Sleepers of the Year
by

Not every week do our laureates jump at the opportunity to unveil themselves. But there’s no stopping some people.

And to think their latest round of publicity began last Friday when, for the first time since their introductory late nighter at the Yale Law School library, they were spotted sleeping together. The dream sequence occurred at the state funeral for Ronald Reagan, and since none of the eulogies were about them they blanked out rather rapidly. If not for some rousing Beethoven late in the services, they still might be snoring up the National Cathedral. It appears neither wanted to be the first to awake and discover who it was he/she had ended up sleeping next to. Can you imagine her shrieks and his screams?

Alas, alack, reality intervened and by Monday morning the two were off to another historic engagement. This one did concern them, and they reacted with all the glee of a fox allowed back into the henhouse. Last time they removed the covering off anything with such energy it was when they ripped drapes from walls for transfer to their new residence in Chappaqua. One might say that the act of removal this time was a form of restitution — the huge official portraits of President and First Lady Clinton going a long way to cover the gaping holes that their earlier handiwork had left on the White House interior.

Much was made of the portraitist’s being the son of a sharecropper, though certainly this couldn’t have been the first time anyone displayed noblesse oblige in dealing with the former first couple. Their acceptance remarks gave them away. Bill whined about how he used to be depicted only in cartoons, and at that riding in a baby carriage or a pickup truck. Hillary, tried to sound fancier, but it appears that she don’t know English so good: “”One thing that has never been said about either my husband or I,” she began, before adding a characteristic whine of her own — “nearly everything else has.”

Our problems don’t end there. President Bush soared to universal approval when he promised to defend America against all enemies, foreign and domestic. So what was he doing allowing that crew into the people’s house? He said so many gracious things about the Whiners that one feared he was being held hostage. C-Span surveillance cameras, meanwhile, spotted the likes of Sidney Blumenthal, John Podesta, and Ari Emanuel skulking among the distinguished guests. Baghdad museums were never under such duress. And under whose watch?

A long hot Clinton summer is upon us. Bill’s book is already not out, read cover to cover before anyone has even seen it. It gives good cover to John Kerry too, who can proceed with his veep searches without anyone fretting. This will be a good time for Kerry to select John Edwards, so when Kerry loses the South he’ll have someone to blame for it. Ditto for Gephardt regarding Missouri, Warner regarding Virginia, Biden regarding Delaware, though not Vilsack in Iowa. A state where corn grows extra-subsidized tall is bound to come acropper for a stalk like Kerry.

Clinton confesses that his mentoring of a former intern was a “terrible moral error.” Yes, it’s terrible to be caught, though rather delightful to commit moral error when no one is looking or filing charges or causing him to be suspended from the bar and docked $800,000 in fines. And what about all the uncharitable slanders he’s directing at the Hon. Kenneth Starr? In “My Life, Part Deux” his researches might be based on the original 10 Commandments, i.e. those that retain the word “not.”

Remember when we were told to cool it, to forget about them, to get over the Clintoons, they’re gone, over with, everyone’s sick of them, and all the rest of those ostrich phrases? Well? Well? Well? We must say, though, it’s wonderful to think of CNN as the Clinton News Network again and to see Dan Rather in fine form. He hasn’t been this excited about an interview and empathetic toward its subject since his historic last sitdown with Saddam Hussein. The only mystery left is whether Bill Clinton also declares for Allah in his presence.

For the record, religious affiliation had no bearing on why Bill Clinton won this week’s EOW award. We do what we can to keep him awake and his missus in a permanent state of sweetness.

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Used Cars: 20%+
Lodging: 17%
Eggs: 13%

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