Do Juice Boxes Make You Gay? - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Do Juice Boxes Make You Gay?

According to the Huffington Post, Alex Jones thinks that they do:

[Jones] claims the government is “encouraging homosexuality with chemicals so that people don’t have children” and that he has the documentation to prove it. Upon cutting open a juice box to show the plastic membrane supposedly filled with said chemicals he concludes, “After [little boys] are done drinking your juices, [they’re] ready to go out and have a baby… [they’re] ready to put together a garden of roses… [they’re] ready to go put lipstick on…”

After reading this article, my first question was: “Alex Jones–is he the lizard guy?” Then Google told me that, no, he is in fact not “the lizard guy.” (That would be David “Exposing the dreamworld we believe to be real” Icke.)

According to a not-very-scientifically-rigorous-sounding study performed by the Williams Institute, only “[a]n estimated 3.5% of adults in the United States identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and an estimated 0.3% of adults are transgender.” Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any data on juice box consumption, so statistical comparisons are out of the question. I’ve got some anecdotal evidence, though: between the ages of five and, oh, nine, I drank at least once juice box (“Capri Sun: Liquid Cool”) per day; as did almost every other child with whom I attended elementary school. (Ah, the Clinton era!)

Anyway, assuming that we’ve got a fairly small gay population outsized by a massive contingent of juice box consumers, I’m forced to conclude that the gay chemicals are either not there, or there but not doing what they were engineered to do.

I’d be curious to hear Jones’s, or anyone else’s, thoughts.

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