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Movie Takes
Hyde Park on Hudson
Bill Murray and especially Laura Linney bring real value to this literary reinterpretation of FDR.
That Roger Michell’s and Richard Nelson’s Hyde Park On Hudson opened on December 7th could be said to add a new dimension of meaning to Franklin Roosevelt’s dictum after Pearl Harbor that it was “a date that would live in infamy.” Certainly, he would not have been pleased by the film’s portrait of himself — assuming it were possible (as, of course, it wasn’t) that any such film could have been made in his lifetime. Yet in our 21st century world it will doubtless come across to many as an effort to “humanize” the great man — who will, accordingly, shed some of the characteristics of historical greatness and take on some of those of the celebrity, that new thing in the world which, since Roosevelt’s time, we have learned to desiderate in our presidents and even in lesser politicians. FDR’s “star power” or “charisma” can only be retrospectively enhanced by this movie — though it is, as I say, more than doubtful that he himself would have valued any such commodities.
The movie is, as Mark Tooley has pointed out on The American Spectator’s website, a “tall tale” which imagines the aristocratic FDR’s behaving more like such low-life successors as Jack Kennedy and Bill Clinton than there is any historical warrant for believing he actually did. Yet I would disagree with Mr. Tooley’s characterization of the movie as “trash.” Trash is, in any case, today’s cultural currency. There is scarcely anyone now left alive who knew Roosevelt the man, so that if he is not yet he soon will be as much a subject for literary reinterpretation as the Plantagenet kings of England were by Shakespeare’s time, a century after the last of them had died. Shakespeare’s kings were probably as much at variance with their historical counterparts as Mr. Michell’s FDR, but we may find an unexpected delight in what his picture has to say about the meaning and desirability of the celebrity culture which, as some of us believe, has had such a lamentable effect on our politics since Roosevelt’s time.
The first and most important thing it has to say about this culture has to do with its ultimate derivation from traditional views of royalty. The movie is set at Hyde Park, FDR’s mother’s home (as it then was) in New York state where, in the summer of 1939, the President (Bill Murray) is visited by the British King, George VI (Sam West), and Queen Elizabeth, later to be known as Queen Mum (Olivia Colman), just as the Second World War was looking to more or less everyone to be more or less inevitable. The importance of the visit, the first by a British king to these shores since the Revolution, as a good will exercise in winning America’s help for his country in the coming war against Nazi Germany is stressed throughout, as is the king’s doubtfulness about his own ability to accomplish his mission — or much of anything else. Both things seem to have been historically accurate, as is the king’s stutter, which we learned all about two years ago from the Oscar-winning King’s Speech.
At the time of the visit, it had been less than three years since the king had succeeded his brother, Edward VIII, subsequently Duke of Windsor, who had been forced to abdicate in order to marry, as he put it, the woman he loved, an American divorcée named Wallis Simpson. The glamorous Prince of Wales, as he was for more than two decades before briefly ascending the throne on the death of George V, Edward VIII had been one of the pioneers of the celebrity culture, and there can be little doubt that his attitude to the traditional stuff of tragedy — a Racinean conflict in great men between love and duty, which must always be resolved in favor of duty — had been affected by the popular preference for comedy and the triumph of love. Yet it also must have helped to assure that his brother’s reign, like that of the present monarch, his daughter, should have been characterized by the most proper sort of middle-class decorum.
Certainly Hyde Park on Hudson plays off of this irony by contrasting the comparatively prim royal couple with the sort of sexual shenanigans in the Roosevelt ménage that might have been expected from the old-fashioned sort of king, like Charles II or Louis XIV. In the Roosevelt household, the President is “serv’d, approach’d and address’d to with the most humble Submission, and superlative Respect,” as Bernard Mandeville says George I was more than two centuries earlier, and every courtier “was only born to procure him either Ease or Pleasure.” Roosevelt also represents an extreme of aristocratic endogamy by picking not only his wife, Eleanor (Olivia Williams), but his latest paramour — a distant cousin named Daisy Suckley (Laura Linney) — from within the family. When Daisy makes a reference to the last king’s having given up the throne for the woman he loved, Eleanor scoffs loudly: “Have you ever met a man who would do that?” Certainly she has been left with no illusions about the bourgeois ideal of conjugal love.
Most critics in America seem to have been more or less of Mark Tooley’s mind, in spite of a few raves. Peter Debruge of Variety uses the words “unseemly” and “tacky” in the first paragraph of his review, which just goes to show that if there is no one else whose dignity, we think, we are bound to respect, FDR’s still qualifies. As I remarked in my review of Your Sister’s Sister last summer, I didn’t think the word “unseemly” was even a part of the critical vocabulary anymore. Certainly it is not known to and would not have been understood by the characters in that movie. Mr. Debruge sees it as a black mark against this one that “Nelson’s script constantly feels the need to reiterate the notion that presidents and kings really aren’t that special.” Pardon me for noticing, but didn’t the media figure that out for us a generation or more ago? But he also sees the centrality of the scene in the President’s study, over the whisky late at night:
Hoisting himself out of his wheelchair, Roosevelt crosses the room to his desk, coaching the insecure young king on the fact that their subjects look past their leaders’ flaws and see only the strengths. “Can you imagine the disappointment when they find out what we really are?” he asks pointedly.
It’s a key moment, however, because of the historical context. Viewed from the perspective of a time when all — or nearly all — has been found out, the scene prompts the reflection that “disappointment” is not quite the right word to describe our insatiably prurient interest in what we find. We might also wonder if there isn’t something to be said for a culture in which the “flaws” of our leaders, like the President’s paralysis from polio, were deliberately overlooked as something unworthy of notice in someone ranking, as some people did in those days, well above celebrity level. Perhaps we should see the unseemliness of FDR’s apocryphal sexual adventures as part of a deliberate attempt to remind us of the existence of things that we once were and might once again be above wanting to know about.
Such ironies also give an extra level of meaning to the climactic scene in the movie when the King and Queen are served hot dogs at a Rooseveltian picnic. At first inclined to see this as a calculated slight, they realize only at the moment when the King takes a bite and the flash-bulbs of the assembled press corps start popping that Roosevelt has shown them the way to become modern monarchs, “humanized” (as FDR himself is according to our present decadent standards by his sexually predatory behavior) by sharing the fare of the common people. The common people in the movie cheer because they cannot yet see where such an apparently innocuous entrée into the celebrity culture will end — that is with Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress and cigars put to profane uses in the Oval Office. Knowing better ourselves, we can only be touched by the fatal innocence of the time and thus impressed with a historical truth that goes well beyond the merely factual.
Hyde Park on Hudson is ultimately too slight a thing to win the coveted Bowman Two Stars, but what it does it does very well. The movie brings us not only Bill Murray as FDR but FDR as Bill Murray and, given the subject matter and the careful purging from the story of all but the most anodyne and uncontroversial sort of politics — most people, I fancy, will approve of Roosevelt’s tilt towards the British in the coming war against Hitler’s Germany — both are entirely convincing. As celebrity, at any rate, which, with the benefit of hindsight, we can imagine FDR’s being, the president fits the Bill Murray persona and vice versa. FDR’s being carried around by a muscular assistant while everybody pretends not to notice is just the sort of thing that we can imagine Mr. Murray’s doing. But the removal of politics also has its own appropriateness on account its subject’s being FDR’s own attempt to escape from politics. Daisy says during the early days of their affair: “I believed I helped him forget the world — as if we had just run away.”
Laura Linney as Daisy may be the only actress I know of who can play plain or dowdy women without being in the least plain or dowdy herself. In other words, her sexual magnetism shines through no matter how much the part calls it into question or depends on a backstory involving her loneliness or unattractiveness. When, in Breach (2007) she says to Ryan Phillippe’s character that she is no good as a relationship counselor — “I don’t even have a cat” — we can believe, for a moment at any rate, that this luminous beauty could be so utterly alone. We can even believe that the best she can do in You Can Count on Me (2001) is a sleazy extra-marital affair with the even sleazier Matthew Broderick. Poor Daisy Suckley only died in 1991, at the age of 99, and surely doesn’t deserve the Lewinsky-like portrayal she gets in this movie. But I hope that, if she is looking down on it from among the other ranks in celebrity heaven, she will think it some compensation that she is being played on the celebrity-making big screen by such a paragon of modern womanhood as Miss Linney.
About the Author
James Bowman, our movie and culture critic, is a resident scholar at the Ethics and Public Policy Center. He is the author of Honor: A History and Media Madness: The Corruption of Our Political Culture, both published by Encounter Books.
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SUBVET| 1.3.13 @ 12:40PM
Skyfall was better right BEN........
Goldwater Girl| 1.4.13 @ 10:50AM
at least 8 or 9 times better! No wonder big wifey, is sick so often. She doesn't want to see that F-ing movie again!
loulou| 1.3.13 @ 1:38PM
I don't go to stupid Hollywood movies.
Seek| 1.4.13 @ 4:47PM
Which is, I'm afraid, a major reason why your comments are so reliably stupid.
Occam's Tool| 1.3.13 @ 9:42PM
Check out Schlussel's review at Debbie Schlussel's site---much more precise dissection about why this movie sucks.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.3.13 @ 11:32PM
It appears Bill's makeup was better in "Zombieland".
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 7:04AM
Wow. Talk about your four dorks.
Being the only four to come to this Ghost Town of a Story, kinda makes you special. Unique, in fact. But what was that intangible that brought you here to the Dark Side of Thursday's story lineup?
Were you four writing here because the essence of the Story compelled you to do so?
Was this a Salmon thing, whereby you were instinctively drawn to the place of the next Contest?
Was your Cable out?
I'm thinking D.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 12:09PM
Correction: 5 dorks.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 1:11PM
6 dorks.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 1:12PM
Correction: 5 dorks and a Scumbag.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 7:10AM
There is no Contest, today. On advice of my imaginary Counsel, I am told that there's probably not a Market for such things, anymore. (As if "Markets" mattered anymore in the land of the Halfrican Queen.)
But if there WAS a Contest - and there isn't - I would've set it about with reflections from an old Twilight Zone episode.
"KICK THE CAN"
Rhoetus| 1.5.13 @ 5:33PM
"On Thursday We Leave for Home" is an adept analogy.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.6.13 @ 2:26PM
Actually, I greatly look forward to the day that the ship will land to take us back to a pre-Obama country, and leave the current POTUS on a lonely planet where he rules over only himself.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 7:50AM
While in the Reeducation Facility, I snuck in to the Activities Room and checked out the goings on at my former haunt. Something was different. Something was missing.
Forget Kick The Can. I'm thinking "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest". The whole place resembled that Mental Institution after McMurphy (Jack Nicholson/Me) was Lobotomized. Everything went back to the way it was. Everybody went back to going through the motions.
We were McMurphy and "You buncha nuts" was you buncha nuts.
Anna K. (which should be - C -) is definately Nurse Ratchet.
I'm thinking - Joellen for the girl who goes in the room with Billy and makes him lose his stuttering. Drachmnan, as The Chief. (I can see him killing me with a pillow over my head.)
Albert, as Harding.
SUBVET, as Martini.
Pesco, as Tabar.
The point is that, until McMurphy got there, everything went like Clockwork. Pretty much everyone got along, because everyone took their meds. Everybody followed a stringent set of Rules, to the letter. Waves were at a premium. The Muzak played just loud enough to hear. Nothing to see here.
In essence, this place became That Hospital.
This Establishment Republican Site, went back to being an Establishment Republican Site.
A Mental Hospital for life's Political Losers.
Goldwater Girl| 1.4.13 @ 9:36AM
A very fitting analogy, Tim. Your temporary ban was like the scene in the movie, where McMurphy tried to get Anna K to tune the radio to the ballgame. Anna K held the vote and denied the request, based on the last moron's vote. See Mr. McMurphy, we took a vote and the majority wanted to listen to music, or if you consider the most recent develpment at TAS, we took a vote and a majority of readers wanted TLP banned. You see, most of us were not aware that the vote took place, which is how they manage to get to their majority. Simple, isn't it? Just like the marxist in the WH. The majority of voters(since he won, as he likes to say) agree that taxes should be raised on high earners. Personally, I'm looking forward to that party at Rickey Martin's house, with all the TAS lunatics. Let's plan a boat ride with plenty of booze. I'm sure my homegirls, Joellen, Loulou, Tina B and Alan's girl will be there!
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 10:13AM
That was fantastic. You're absolutely right. I forgot about that scene.
And, I really like your idea of a Boat Ride with a lot of Alcohol. That idea almost never turns bad.
SUBVET| 1.4.13 @ 1:14PM
I hope all you "Hens" have your sea legs....bozzzz/boat ?
Tina B| 1.4.13 @ 12:41PM
Stocking up at the local package store as we speak/type!
R Martin| 1.4.13 @ 4:10PM
My pond is very small. We could do kayaks down the Brandywine, towing refreshments in an inner tube. Actually quite fun.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 7:24PM
I've actually got a canoe and inner tubes (with several B'wine trips between Smith and Thompson's Bridge on their logs) we can add to the flotilla.
Von Mises Jr| 1.4.13 @ 7:53PM
I think ACORN and SEIU bused in all Perp's OWS friends, perhaps three hobos and a whore, to vote multiple times. I heard absentee ballots were the bomb in early voting.
Oh wait! Perp was the whore. He was wearing Appleby’s underwear and panties. I hope he brushes his teeth before his kisses his mommy.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 10:01PM
Whenever I see those crowds, I am reminded of a cluster of mental patients.
Joellen| 1.4.13 @ 9:59AM
Welcome Back T - I'll see you guys and girls later - cause I know something i'll read or hear today will have me wanting to opine with my homies at TAS.
Doctor Right| 1.4.13 @ 11:41AM
So you see yourself as the board's indispensable man?
And without you, everyone else is lost, or "losers"?
What a surprise...
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 12:13PM
Like I said: He's a Dick.
Pecos Pete| 1.4.13 @ 1:56PM
At first I thought you meant me. Then, after suitable thought time and 4 Vodka Tonics, I decided that someone as Pretty as Tim couldn't possible have meant me.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 3:50PM
Never.
Pecos Pete| 1.6.13 @ 10:48AM
See. I knew you were Pretty.
TLP| 1.6.13 @ 5:17PM
You were wrong.
I'm BEAUTIFUL.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 7:58AM
There are no Prizes, because this is not a Contest. However, should you wish to scribble something along the lines of: Identifying Cast Members, using people from TAS. Oh, I don't know.........something with a Secret Agent Monkey in it. A Poem. A Show Tune. A Joke . A Song. Hell, you can just Demand a Prize for showing up.
In the words of George Costanza: "It's not a Contest, unless you believe it is."
If ya get Bored this weekend? Stop on bye. Set a spell. Take a load off. Skip your Meds and have some fun.
Hardcard| 1.4.13 @ 8:10AM
Since there's no contest today I think I have a good chance of winning. The Twilight Zone that's the show with Rod Stewart. I remember the episode with Rod playing the tuba in marching band strutting down 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. he sees a big ugly black woman plantng small marijuana seedlings in the rear of the white house. A half-african male approaches her and kicks an empty can of Colt 45 into Rod's path, Rod drops the tuba on his foot and he awakens to discover that America is 17 trillion $$$$ in debt and has become a dictatorship and kim kardashian is the secretary of state. Now what?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 8:54AM
Wow. You really are TLP.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 10:14AM
Actually, this will be the best chance you'll ever get.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 10:18AM
Does anyone know how to get in touch with Hardcard, so we can get some Pot, to go along with all of the Alcohol that Goldwater Girl wants to bring along on the Boat?
I call Shotgun.
That reminds me. We should bring Shotguns, too. You know...........for when we're Drunk and Stoned.
Goldwater Girl| 1.4.13 @ 10:45AM
i prefer a .22 rifle with a scope. Very good for fishing! More rum, less pineapple!
Drunken Sailor| 1.4.13 @ 3:54PM
1/4 sticks of dynamite work especially well and you get a refreshing shower. Booze and explosives, what could possible go wrong?
chuck| 1.5.13 @ 8:32AM
This party HAS to be in North Georgia! Boats, booze, dope, shotguns, explosives........I can almost hear the banjos playing right now!
mike 3/505| 1.5.13 @ 9:42AM
Alcohol, tobacco & firearms...who is bringing the chips?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 1:30PM
Mike, I gave a copy of a T-shirt with that same question to a local ATF agent with a sense of humor.
R Martin| 1.5.13 @ 12:40PM
No, north Wilmington. Much more refined.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 1:20PM
Nothing in North Wilmington but Steers and Queers, and I don't see no horns on your head, boy.
That reminds me.............Who's bringing the Hamburgers and Hot Dogs?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 1:35PM
Of course, it depends on where in North Wilmington that you go, but for North East Wilmington, I would say (in my best Damon Wayans as Handy Man voice):
Northeast Wilmington
Nothing there but drug dealers
and dead squealers
and you aint got no crack or smack, boo.
R Martin| 1.5.13 @ 1:41PM
So, given all that, sounds like a party with some potential.
chuck| 1.5.13 @ 5:23PM
Alan "Igotapurdymouthyoucanputthatin" Brooks says if its in North GA he'll come along to watch out for the local rednecks.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 7:16PM
Even the pigs will cringe when they hear that squeal.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 9:27AM
I think for a contest that is not really a contest, what could be better than the “Seinfeld” episode which featured a contest.
For those unfamiliar with the TV documentary of our cultural decline, Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine all engage in a bet, where they agree to abstain from any onanistic indulgence, and the winner of the cash will be the one who refrains from self-pleasuring for the longest period of time.
As these contests have been described by those who do not approve of them as the type of behavior that. those in the Seinfeld contest gave up, I think I’ll complete that connection.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 9:28AM
Three weeks ago, announcing a suspension in the weekly contest, TLP started the new contest, starting a period of self-imposed celibacy for all of the participants.
Pecos Pete, CJW, R Martin, Hardcard and I were Kramer; we saw the naked neighbor through the telescope, and were immediately indulging in our analogies, poetry, show tunes, etc. in our daily posts.
Joellen, Tina B., Alan’s Girl, Goldwater Girl etc. were Elaine. They wound up in the exercise class with JFK Jr. (or say, Paul Ryan before the fiscal cliff vote), and they were dropping metaphors.
Mike, KJ, Chuck, and the other participants were the Jerry of the contest , i.e. lacking any other outlet, eventually succumbed to the use of analogy, etc. in their daily posts.
TLP, of course, is George Costanza, for every reason which is appropriate. He reveals, of course, that he cheated in the contest (and even conjured up a ban to further the illusion that he wasn’t playing).
Anna K is the naked neighbor across the street. Purp is the virgin that Jerry was dating.
Goldwater Girl| 1.4.13 @ 9:41AM
Nice work, AC. While I admit to exercise classes, I prefer to work out with real people with a great sense of humor, avoiding those with a need for excessive grunting! Don't take yourself so GD serious! There are a few commenters on this site that need to heed this advice, Friends of TLP excluded, of course.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 10:23AM
And you thought we weren't ready for this.
That was Hilarious.
George Costanza? I thought for sure that I was gonna be the Naked Neighbor across the street.
Whassup wit Dat?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 10:53AM
When I started writing, you were the naked girl across the street, but I had to craft it where you played a more important role.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 12:17PM
Who could possibly be more important than a Naked Girl in the window, across the street?
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 12:18PM
Is anyone else getting a Boner reading this?
Stkman| 1.4.13 @ 1:56PM
Did you mean a Boehnor?
Al Adab| 1.4.13 @ 3:41PM
Old Gene Pitney song, She Lets Her hair Down.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 7:43PM
Actually, Al, perhaps our current circumstance with Obama is more reminiscent of another Gene Pitney hit:
The Man Who Shot Liberty (Valance).
Oldefarte| 1.4.13 @ 8:48PM
Or maybe instead/also another Pitney song [where America represents the German teenage girl who was raped by four drunk US GI's of possible Barry, Harry, Nancy [she has big ones anyway......bags that is] and David:
"When you're young and so in love as we
And bewildered by the world we see
Why do people hurt us so
Only those in love would know
What a town without pity can do
If we stop to gaze upon a star
People talk about how bad we are
Ours is not an easy age
We're like tigers in a cage
What a town without pity can do
The young have problems, many problems
We need an understanding heart
Why don't they help us, try and help us
Before this clay and granite planet falls apart
Take these eager lips and hold me fast
I'm afraid this kind of joy can't last
How can we keep love alive
How can anything survive
When these little minds tear you in two
What a town without pity can do
How can we keep love alive
How can anything survive
When these little minds tear you in two
What a town without pity can do
No, it isn't very pretty what a town without pity"
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 9:32PM
An inspired take on another Gene Pitney tune, OF. I've made a few changes to make it current:
When a country is as broke as we
And we’re ready for insolvency
Why do we keep spending so
Any one who counts should know
What a land without money can't do
If we stop to look inside the vault
If it’s empty must be Bush’s fault
Money never is enough
Still we give away free stuff
What a land without money can’t do
Our world has problems, many problems
We have an understanding heart
But it can’t help us really help us
For to borrow then to spend too much aint smart
Take this check and go off to the bank
cash and spend it and don’t even thank
the taxpayers for the loan
Here is your Obamaphone
And some food stamps that’ll help you through
What a land without money can do
How can we keep this alive
How can liberty survive
With our country sinking deep in debt
Can you tell me that we’re not Greece yet
No, it isn't very funny when a land without money comes due
Oldefarte| 1.5.13 @ 11:05AM
Outstanding, Albert!!!!!!!!
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 1:25PM
Can you imagine if this really WAS a Contesy?
You'd be winning Imaginary Everything's, and Appleby's entire Dirty Clothes Pile.
That's a shame.
Next time.
R Martin| 1.5.13 @ 1:44PM
I once knew a Contessa, I've heard of Loch Nessie, but what's a Contesy?
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 4:50PM
DAMMIT!
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 1:23PM
Nicely done Oldefarte.
Glad you could come along for the ride.
Does anyone else smell something?
Pecos Pete| 1.6.13 @ 10:52AM
Oldefarte: Why NO CAPS? Actually, you done good!
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 3:52PM
Same thing.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 3:53PM
That was for Stkman.
Stkman| 1.4.13 @ 11:36AM
I was thinking Anna K should have the roll of Newman.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 11:52AM
It is a worthy suggestion, but that might be better played out in the episode with Wilford Brimley as Postmaster General.
"Tell the world my story!"
Joellen| 1.4.13 @ 4:22PM
Albert, do you remember Imus and Wilford Brimley's oatmeal skit?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 7:26PM
Quaker Oats. It's the right thing to do.
Drunken Sailor| 1.4.13 @ 3:56PM
Does that make Purp or Vtwin the Soup Nazi?
Drunken Sailor| 1.4.13 @ 3:57PM
Actually I kind of figured Anna was the lady with "Man Hands".
and why can I picture TKP in the Manssiere? Now I really need a drink
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 6:37PM
The Man Hands.
Nice.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 7:27PM
Quaker Oats. It's the right thing to do.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 7:29PM
How did that get here, too. Amazing.
Actually, I was going to say, instead of the Mansiere, you must mean "The Bro" (TLP is so ethnic, after all).
CJW| 1.4.13 @ 12:02PM
Albert
That is funny. You are very creative.
May I suggest that purpie be Newman, the government parasite that never delivers the mail, is always home instead of working, and like a true little self important totalitarian, tries to interrogate Jerry about "mail fraud."
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 12:05PM
See my response to Stkman above; that's the same episode (though Purp fits as Newman as well).
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 12:21PM
Purp is The Wig Master, sipping Champagne Koolies with Alan Brooks and his herd of Hershey Highway Hampsters.
CJW| 1.4.13 @ 12:44PM
Albert
Upon review, you are correct. Purpie is the virgin who get screwed by a Kennedy, a Democrat, and turns into a left wing village idiot.
Alan's Girl| 1.4.13 @ 4:59PM
Phew! I thought for a moment that I was going to have to be the "Big Hand" girl or the "Soft-talker". I guess that being Elaine is appropriate- I can't dance either- as I have Baptist feet.
I'll bring the champagne & the victrola for the boat.
Can't wait!!!
Joellen| 1.4.13 @ 5:08PM
Well I CAN dance, and I'll bring the Sambvca, did we state a date yet?
CJW| 1.4.13 @ 6:09PM
Joellen
Wow. Sauce and Sambucca Romana. Are you Eye-Talian?
We need to confirm a date with R Martin, Albert, TLP, and the rest, especially RM since he volunteered his place.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 6:39PM
Don't forget your Gun, Alan's girl.
And, thanks for stopping by.
Wouldn't be the same, without you.
CJW| 1.4.13 @ 6:41PM
Tim
going to see Les Miserables tonite so I can review it
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 1:30PM
See it? Why?
Whatta ya wanna leave the house for?
Half of these comments are Le Miserables.
Just stay here with us, and save yourself some money.
R Martin| 1.4.13 @ 8:45PM
Guns are allowed, but no axes. We might even do a little trap shooting. The last time we talked about this I suggested someone step-up and do some organizing. I'm open to suggestions, including how best to communicate directly.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 1:42PM
This is getting better all the time.
Not only are we bringing lots of Booze on a Boat that can barely hold all of us, as we're passing Hardcard's Bong back and forth while Goldwater Girl and Rickey Martin are rustling us all up a Fish Dinner, using a Rifle and some sticks of Dynamite?
Now, we're gonna throw Rickey's Martin's Dinner Plates through the air, Firing at them with one of the Guages of Shotguns, ("12 Guage. That seems to be the most popular Guage." Seinfeld) hopefully, pulling the trigger way before it reaches the ground, and our Heads.
Like I said earlier.........This kinda stuff almost never goes badly.
R Martin| 1.5.13 @ 3:34PM
Dinner plates? You're dreamin, mate. You're getting one of those molded plastic platters with the built-in section dividers. You know, the ones for children.
R Martin| 1.4.13 @ 9:40AM
If someone were not going to hold a contest and I chose not to participate, here is what I would not enter. This is a popular episode from the “Twilight Zone”, which did not occur.
The story takes place in the future. An unidentified but reasonably pleasant country with a long tradition of liberty, free markets and personal responsibility has decided certain groups within society share unequally in the nation’s bounty, have limited opportunities, are underrepresented in government and, in some cases, are even repressed.
Changes are made—rapidly. Those groups not only achieve equality, they become powerful and dominant through government policies of preference. The formerly disadvantaged now govern and quickly destroy virtually everything the once pleasant, happy country held dear.
In the closing scene those people who ran the country in the good old days are seen walking around wide-eyed with forced smiles telling each other how much better things are now. The program narrator, in his clipped style of delivery, tells the audience, “Be careful what you wish for.”
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 9:47AM
(Cue the theme song)
Do do do do♪do do do do♪dododo♪
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 10:27AM
Kinda like what's going on in Egypt, as we speak.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 10:45AM
...and somewhere else, even closer to home...
CJW| 1.4.13 @ 12:46PM
But Obama and Mrs Bubba told us that the Muslim Brotherhood are part of the Arab "spring" and , at their core, are Jefferson/Madison democrats.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 2:02PM
Yeah.
George Jefferson, and Mohammed Madison.
Oldefarte| 1.4.13 @ 8:51PM
Mrs Bubba does sort of resemble WEASEY!!!!!!
Oldefarte| 1.4.13 @ 8:53PM
And that reverse OREO neighbor is a dead giveaway to Axelrod!!!!
Joellen| 1.4.13 @ 4:31PM
Yes, but CJW why would they want to imitiate our Constitution when they can copy S. Africa's for Egypt, so say "Justice" Ginsberg!
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 6:41PM
Somebody's on fire.
Tina B| 1.4.13 @ 12:48PM
Call on me teacher! I know. I know.
mike 3/505| 1.4.13 @ 3:55PM
Ooh, ooh, ooh, Mr Kotter, Mr Kotter!
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 6:42PM
All right, Horshach.
You go girl!
Joellen| 1.4.13 @ 4:26PM
Hmm R Martin, yet today I JUST heard that only 23% of Americans think the country is going in the right direction. Yet Obama won, who wished for this man to be President again - really is a twilight zone episode that needs to be made to explain the bizzarness of it all.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 6:43PM
Next time.
Al Adab| 1.4.13 @ 10:32AM
I'm certain there is no contest as that would violate the terms of TLPs re-admission to the world of the living. However, if there were a contest, something along the lines of Kiplings' Recessional might be in order:
"The Captains and the Kings depart..."
"Lo, all our pomp of yesterday
Is one with Nineveh and Tyre
Judge of the nations, spare us yet,
Lest we forget, lest we forget."
"Thy mercy on Thy People Lord!"
Have a great weekend everyone.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 10:51AM
One can never go wrong not entering Kipling, though my take (with apologies to Georges Santyana) has generally been that those who do remember history are also doomed to repeat it.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 12:25PM
Thou art truly a Great Mind, my friend.
Pecos Pete| 1.4.13 @ 10:38AM
Since this is NOT a contest, their can be no contest rules. And I am NOT submitting a contest entry. Just commenting on freedom.
Tim is Back
A lonely shack
Here at TAS
Without Tim's attack
Violet, AnnaK and their pack
Tried to ban
And did quack
Citizens on attack
Spoke Free Tim
To Idiots flack
In the bushwhack
Free speech
Was the fallback
A lonely shack
Is no more
Tim is back!
Goldwater Girl| 1.4.13 @ 10:47AM
Multiple SNAPS! Well done.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 10:48AM
Snap!Snap!Snap! (or, in a world of censorship: Snip!Snip!)
mike 3/505| 1.4.13 @ 11:05AM
Snap!...X 3
Tina B| 1.4.13 @ 1:04PM
Ok, the math teacher has arrived. SNAP to the infinite power.
And, to my way of thinking TAS, the very minds who cried out for Tim's return, are among the funniest, most literate and really educated folks I have read anywhere online. I missed not only TLP's own writings, but the spinoffs he inspires among all those writing in humorous response. I am constantly overtaken with laughter when they really have each other fired up. And stand, or sit, amazed at the details I have gleaned from the array of info they inject into their script rewrites and poems. I have always enjoyed Ogden Nash, Dave Barry, Hunter Thompson and P. J. O'Rourke. Now we have our own writers circle in the response sections of TAS. How cool.
When I first began writing responses, I was still a public school teacher and found myself on the defence constantly. I left hurt many times. I was not "one of the bad guys" then, but I was 100% ignorant of the true history of Public Ed. Now I know why Conservatives, whose philosophy I espoused, seemed to blame me for the state of our schools.
Retired and no longer a True Believer, I am so grateful that TLP and his buds made me laugh and learn and humoured me to my senses in many ways. Thanks guys and girls, you know who you are, my friends in the pages of TAS responses, love ya.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 1:16PM
...and let us give an apple (!) to the teacher for that one...
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 2:06PM
You wanna give Tina, Gwenyth Paltrow's Daughter?
Okay.
Sounds good to me.
Joellen| 1.5.13 @ 9:26AM
And this is the sense of humor I so dearly love!
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 2:09PM
Wasn't Dave Barry the guy who used to do all those crazy stunts, where he Exploded in every one?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 2:59PM
That was Daffy Duck.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 6:44PM
Good point.
Warrior| 1.4.13 @ 7:47PM
Super Dave Osborne (sp?). Although using the words "exploded in every one" you might have been referring to Johnny "the Wad" Holmes.
R Martin| 1.4.13 @ 11:56AM
Nice one. You must have ransacked the knapsack while on horseback trying to avoid a cardiac looking for some cognac to welcome back the maniac previously on bivouac.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 12:06PM
Snap!Snap!
Pecos Pete| 1.4.13 @ 12:25PM
Stealing from el Coronel: Snap! x 3!
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 3:57PM
Coronel?
mike 3/505| 1.4.13 @ 5:53PM
Miguel Antonio...Coronel de Infanteria, Comando, Teson, Paracaidista y Diplomado del Esdado Mayor. Companero de los campesinos, padre de los ninos y amante de las mujeres. Heheheheh
CJW| 1.4.13 @ 6:12PM
Viva Zapata!
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 6:46PM
Nice post, homes.
Pecos Pete| 1.4.13 @ 6:51PM
Lover of women? That's mi coronel!
And the "Heheheheh" used so well, means in English: "Ah ha! Gotcha!"
Joellen| 1.4.13 @ 4:33PM
Four Snaps Pecos but why do I keep singing Elton Johns tune to it (The Bitch is Back)?
mike 3/505| 1.4.13 @ 11:11AM
Apropos of nothing whatsoever...and certainly not intending to use an AMSPEC blog in a manner contrary to the site owners, I submit the following....
The Scene is the Twilight Zone Episode, "To Serve Man."
President Obama is the leader of the Aliens
Purp, et al are the low information voters/liberals.
Tim and his merry band are the folks who are uneasy about the aliens
The lead Alien, Obama walks around with his book titled "To Serve Man (Forward!)"
Purp and his fellow travellers keep telling us the Aliens have our best interest at heart...until Tim figures it out and sounds the alarm after translating the contents of the book..."It's a cookbook!"
Alternatively....There''s a bunch of kids stranded on a Desert Island......
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 11:50AM
Great Episode.
Basically, if Tim tells Purp "Eat Me", he's making a reference to the metaphor (or is it analogy), and is not being grossly impolite.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 12:28PM
Are these kids, by any chance, ON THE BEACH?
Al Adab| 1.4.13 @ 12:42PM
"In this last of meeting places
We gather together and avoid speech
Gathered on the beach
Of the tumid river."
T S Elliot
From whence the title of the book.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 12:28PM
Well done, Colonel.
mike 3/505| 1.4.13 @ 5:59PM
Por supuesto.
CJW| 1.4.13 @ 6:12PM
Hey hombre, did you hit #2 for espanol?
mike 3/505| 1.4.13 @ 7:58PM
Nyet...Tri ...Po Ruski...
CJW| 1.4.13 @ 1:07PM
Since this is a movie review article by Bowman, and not a contest, I saw Argo this week. Actually, I was forced by my wife to see it.
The first five minutes are alternative Hollywood lefty history. We are told that Mossadequi was a democratically elected reformer that was overthrown by the USA (CIA), the USA then installed the Shah. The Shah then tortured everybody causing the 1979 rebellion by Khomeni. It is all the fault of the USA.
The next 90 minutes consisting of the action in having six Americans hiding in the Canadian embassy escape by pretending to be involved in a Hollywood movie are OK. The CIA got them out using the movie cover.
The last three minutes are Hollywoood history again. We hear the voice of Jimmy Carter telling us that we got all the hostages out without sacrificing our prinicples and with no injuries to anyone.!!!!
Carter was so weak that we had to come up with a movie story to get six Americans out.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 1:21PM
By not sacrificing our principles I presume Mr. Carter was instead referring to sacrificing our servicemen at Desert One, and sacrificing our sovereignty, etc.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 2:14PM
I wonder how many Iranians would kill to have the Shah back.
Probably the same number of Egyptians who wish that Mubarak was still in power.
All of the Women, and some of the Men.
Stkman| 1.4.13 @ 2:33PM
and all of the sheep and goats too!
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 6:49PM
Especially the Goats and the Sheep.
mike 3/505| 1.7.13 @ 8:07AM
T i i i i i i i im!
Hardcard| 1.4.13 @ 1:09PM
Kids on the beach ? Annette and Frankie . Who is Apropos, isn't he the sheriff in Arizona with the pink shorts. I'll take door #3.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 1:18PM
I'm thinking you're both TLP and Frank Drackman.
Drunken Sailor| 1.4.13 @ 4:05PM
Now that would be a scary progeny!!
SUBVET| 1.4.13 @ 1:45PM
Well I see things haven't changed.... good to see. Can't contribute much to the dialog during all those shows...."Zone"..."Seinfield"..."The Nest" my time was pre occupied with serving our country / running a business / raising a family / coaching baesball 14 yrs. so TV wasen't high on my list. All though the NEST was one of my favorites, but at my time in life some things just don't seem to surface. Kind of like the motor runs great but the transmission seems to get stuck in the wrong gear.
Some real talent here love the banter and wit and thanks for putting a smile on this old guy's face.
May the Lord bless you all this year........you to Appleby.
"Laus Deo" for .................Tim
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 2:09PM
"Kind of like the motor runs great but the transmission seems to get stuck in the wrong gear."
You see, Subvet, you're making analogies like a natural.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 3:59PM
Don't you mean: Like a Drunk?
Drunken Sailor| 1.4.13 @ 4:06PM
I resent that. Or is is resemble, It's all a blur.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 2:17PM
I actually like Appleby.
She's definately a Plus for the site.
I just like messing with her.
CJW| 1.4.13 @ 2:37PM
Tim
I like her, she is feisty, but wrong on who to vote. I think she likes you. She uses the British spelling like you do, favour, defence...
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 4:01PM
She is, definately, one of a kind.
R Martin| 1.4.13 @ 4:16PM
We've got to get her to the party.
CJW| 1.4.13 @ 6:16PM
Only if she starts spelling American, no more of this "defence" and "favour" and "honour" nonsense. After all, why did we fight them twice, beat them, and still have to use that useless "u"?
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 1:51PM
That's how I spell them.
Honour. Flavour. Defence. Favour. Wienour.
Okay, maybe not the last one.
Gr0w1er601| 1.4.13 @ 1:38PM
Ironic That one of Laura Linney's first movie roles was as a WH intern/floozie named 'Randi' who has the dubious honor of being under President Bill Mitchell (quite literally) as he 'demises' during his latest Oval Office 'tryst'.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 2:11PM
(this non-entry is so clever it actually appears to be a comment on Bowman's article)
I've never seen the film you describe, but I guess it explains how she got fired from the CIA and banished to the Congo in one of her subsequent flicks.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 2:20PM
Wasn't she Hot?
Wasn't she in Playboy?
Sounds like a Homework Assignment for the Colonel.
Seek| 1.4.13 @ 4:51PM
Linney also was a prosecutor in "Primal Fear" (1996), in which Edward Norton plays a defendant playing at being innocent -- and successfully playing his lawyer (Richard Gere) for a sucker. Very much worth checking out.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 6:53PM
Seek.
All right.
Thanks for coming.
We're open all weekend, if you don't have a life, like the rest of us.
Joellen| 1.5.13 @ 7:40AM
Actually Tim, it seems to me we all have been blessed with a good life - and being here just completes it!
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 9:58PM
I've seen the beginning of it, but Gere reminded me so much of of a few criminal defense attorneys I know and despise, so it was too much like work to finish.
Gr0w1er601| 1.4.13 @ 5:25PM
"Dave", 1993, starring Kevin Kline and Sigourney Weaver.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 6:55PM
Since you're new here, I'll cut you some slack.
You need to Describe the scenes of the Movie.
No big deal.
Like I said: You're New.
Give us more.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 9:56PM
I recall the film now. Could we do worse with a stand-in for this President (because if I remember the gist of the plot from that film, the Vice President was too objectionable to be allowed to assume office when the real POTUS died in flagrante delicto in the scene you note. I think that describes Biden well.)?
Stkman| 1.4.13 @ 2:12PM
Since there is no contest I'm going to write something that no one, especlially Tim should judge or award by sending panties in the mail.
I'm going to write about the very first episode of
The Munsters.
The Cast:
Herman: Our President
Lilly: Our Sec. of State
Eddie: Tim Geithner
Granpa: who else but our VP
Marilynn: us
The story goes like this,
Marilynn is the only one that is normal and knows she is normal. Everyone else in the family(Herman Obama, Lilly Clinton, Eddie Geithner and Granpa Biden) thinks they are normal even when everyone outside the family tells them they are not normal.
Once again I have managed to keep it short and to the point so Purp and his kind can understand. And no, I didn't leave Pelosi out, who do you think plays the Spot the dragon that lives under the stairs.
Tim, you know where not to send tha panties.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 2:23PM
(Since I’m providing theme music today: )
♫dun dun dun dun dun da dun ♫ dun da dun dun da dun dun da dun♪ ♫
Goldwater Girl| 1.4.13 @ 2:37PM
AC,
Regarding the boat ride, can we count on you to bring your collection of show tunes? I'll bring the karaoke system. I'll have the booze shipped in advance, as it may not fit in my Suburban.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 3:01PM
Since I primarily have old rock & roll, pop and country in my digital collection, I'll have to download some, but I will take care of it.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 2:23PM
I will respect your wishes, and won't send you any Panties in the mail.
To prove that, I am sending you MY UNDERPANTS to you, as we speak.
Well done.
Drunken Sailor| 1.4.13 @ 4:09PM
Would those be the same ones with toilet paper in them and your penicillin shot?
Stkman, I suggest wearing gloves.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 4:22PM
Definately, wear some gloves.
Stkman| 1.4.13 @ 4:25PM
And a gas mask too ! I guess we'll find out the truth about blowing smoke rings out his _ ss.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 2:26PM
Remember.
Since this is not a Contest, this Forum will be open ALL WEEKEND.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I come to the site ALL WEEKEND.
Does that make me a Loser?
Pretty much.
Stkman| 1.4.13 @ 2:36PM
If being a winner, not the Charlie Sheen kind, is being a loser, then you're the biggest loser their is Tim.
Do not pass go, do not collect $200.00, but you can land on Free parking and take the kitty.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 3:02PM
I'm gonna bankrupt him by the time he hits my hotels on Baltic and Mediterranean.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 4:03PM
Baltic and Mediterranian?
Seriously?
Stkman| 1.4.13 @ 3:07PM
Lets see if he can roll doubles three times in a row?
Hardcard| 1.4.13 @ 3:21PM
Did you use the get out of jail free card ? I thought you said this is not a contest? Hillary is just now realizing that she married the slick one and that chelsea is not her sister, like the faye dunaway character in Chinatown, roman polanski plays the part of turbo tim g. I'll pass on the week in vegas and take door #1. slick willie screwed them all.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 4:05PM
Seriously.
Can I buy some Pot from you?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 7:49PM
As long as he doesn't moon us getting something out of Karen Allen's kitchen cabinet.
Tina B| 1.5.13 @ 9:24AM
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, that's not how ya do it. Not nowadays. You say, "ya got any : herb? buds? weed? of the good stuff? There is a great variety now on the Market and you have to distinguish between the regs, or the buds.
Just FYI, I watch Marijuanna Inc. On tv. That's all. Honest.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 9:35AM
I think TLP was doing his impression of Pinto from "Animal House" in the scene where he, Boon and Katie go to the Professor's apartment for some recreational pharmaceutical research.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 3:30PM
"slick willie screwed them all"
slick willieObama screwedthemus all.There, I gave it a bit of an update for those concerned about current events not being current enough.
Now, off to Happy Hour, where I can redistribute my wealth to the bartenders, and develop fodder for further non-entries later.
Al Adab| 1.4.13 @ 3:45PM
Fiscal Cliff = Thelma and Louise
Happy as they fly away.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 4:09PM
4:07 and 99 Comments.
Unbelievable.
Do you think we could get some ANALOGIES while we're at it?
Al Adab| 1.4.13 @ 4:29PM
That might imply there is a contest though.
Stkman| 1.4.13 @ 4:30PM
Sure,
Another short sweet one so the libtards can understand it.
We'll just all sing the theme song since we all know it.
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailing man,
The skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour.
The weather started getting rough,
The tiny ship was tossed,
If not for the courage of the fearless crew
The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost.
The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle
With Gilligan
The Skipper too,
The millionaire and his wife,
The movie star
The professor and Mary Ann,
Here on Gilligans Isle.
Stkman| 1.4.13 @ 4:30PM
So this is the talel of the castways,
They're here for a long, long time,
They'll have to make the best of things,
It's an uphill climb.
The first mate and the Skipper too,
Will do their very best,
To make the others comfortable,
In the tropic island nest.
No phone, no lights no motor cars,
Not a single luxury,
Like Robinson Crusoe,
As primative as can be.
So join us here each week my freinds,
You're sure to get a smile,
From seven stranded castways,
Here on "Gilligan's Isle."
Stkman| 1.4.13 @ 4:33PM
so here's the analogy, they can get off the island if they just build a raft. I mean they use coconuts for batteries, they have a radio, so surely they can getout of the fix they are in. Remind you a bit of Congress or the executive branch?
Your task TAS commentors, is to put a name to each of the characters and why you chose that name?
1. 2. 3. GO!
Stkman| 1.4.13 @ 4:34PM
and remember, this is not a contest.
Drunken Sailor| 1.4.13 @ 4:40PM
Biden is Gilligan obviously!
Drunken Sailor| 1.4.13 @ 4:45PM
Wait a minute, this will never work.
No one in this admin hot enough to be Ginger,
Nice enough to be Mary Ann,
Smart enough to be the Professor (Obama just thinks he is).
Hell I can't even come up with a good match for Mrs. Howell.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 4:49PM
You can't come up with an Analogy for Mrs. Howell?
How about, Moochelle?
Drunken Sailor| 1.4.13 @ 5:20PM
Mrs. Howell didn't have junk in her trunk.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 6:59PM
But she did have a Trunk.
That's for D.S.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 4:47PM
It is not.
If it was?
You probably would've won, already.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 4:49PM
That was for Stkman.
Stkman| 1.4.13 @ 4:56PM
You're not getting the underpants back. They're going on the wall, my guess is I won't need a tac to get them to stick either.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 7:01PM
No, but you will need one of those Fly Strips that you hang from the ceiling.
Tina B| 1.5.13 @ 9:27AM
Now this is what I've been missing. The whole underpants thing. You can't find that anywhere else. That I know of. The boy is back in town.
Joellen| 1.4.13 @ 4:43PM
Stkman - this is great - since I am being a little lazy right now - not thinking to put something up myself - actually just enjoying the bantor and grateful that we have our family back again.
Of course Luvy and hubby Howell are the elitist Dems who cant do a thing for themselves. Did you ever wonder how they got so rich - now I know - off the backs of the hard working taxpayers.
Stkman| 1.4.13 @ 5:03PM
My analogy,
With Gilligan: Biden
The Skipper too,: Boehnor
The millionaire and his wife, Barack and Moochie
The movie star: Pelosi
The professor and Mary Ann,:Paul Ryan and Sarah Palin
Here on Gilligans Isle. Washington D.C.
Stkman| 1.4.13 @ 5:04PM
Maybe Biden should be cast as Wrong Way Feldman?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 7:36PM
How about Allen West as the Japanese soldier who doesn't know WW II ended (except this time, he triumphs over the cast of castaways)?
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 1:58PM
How about: Wrong Way Peachfuzz?
mike 3/505| 1.4.13 @ 8:00PM
I always preferred Mary Ann over Ginger.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 2:19PM
Speaking of Peachfuzz..................
Rhoetus| 1.5.13 @ 5:37PM
Love it Stkman! LOL
SUBVET| 1.4.13 @ 7:40PM
Liberalism = moochers electing looters to steal from producers !
R Martin| 1.6.13 @ 8:26AM
Coconuts for batteries? They could only have done that with a green energy grant. Which, of course, lends credence to you analogy. A very good one, BTW.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.6.13 @ 9:09AM
...which, by the way, is probably why they never got off the island...
Alan's Girl| 1.4.13 @ 6:46PM
I am SO-O-O glad it's Friday & TLP is back! I'm enjoying every post. Thanks.
TLP| 1.4.13 @ 7:03PM
You're Welcome.
We're open all weekend.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 10:05PM
Someone better rouse KJ from his slumber and get him here.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 2:13PM
I got an Email from him, yesterday?
He's off on Business. Apparently the Union Scale for Actors and Actresses has become so economically burdensome, lately, that the Studios have started using a lot of Professional Mimes. They're like half the Cast Members, these days.
They mostly show up on Screen when there's a Screaming scene, or a Crying scene, or when something really funny happens, and then you can tell by all of their Mime Laughing Antics. I wish I thought of it.
Anyway.........He says he'll show up.
Well......he didn't actually SAY it, per se.
I determined what his Miming would be, by the words that he wrote. I think he was on a Plane, so try and picture him running around in a Circle with his arms outstretched.
That's what I did.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 2:56PM
Those mimes are always walking against the wind, anyway.
BL in AK| 1.5.13 @ 1:19AM
TLP- To make sure you never go through another TPL fat-finger/Anna K from Emory U bee..atch episode again on TAS..how about offerring up your wit as the new Conservative anchor on Al Jezera's Current TV to bring forth the true conservative message to the world. We really need to get the masses educated. Unless of course you already made a deal with Al Gore that includes him getting all of your disgusting panties.
The proceeds of your work would fund the upcoming party at Ricky's place. Seems like a great way to start 2013 and fuel the economy.
cheerz
BL
BL in AK| 1.5.13 @ 1:28AM
TLP-Welcome Back, Welcome Back, Welcome Back...(Thanks Col.!) Tim, thanks again for extending the thread for us west coasters..
cheerz
BL
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 2:15PM
My pleasure.
Alan's Girl| 1.4.13 @ 7:45PM
Sorry, my braincells are numb. It is the 'bridge' season at the firm- between audit season & tax season- where we are handling both simultaneously. I DID have a fantastic Obama 'Holiday' carol, but SOMEONE was not here to run this non-contest, so it went to waste.
Bah, humbug & Happy New Year! (It's not the same without you, Tim! You are like the sand in the oyster)
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 7:52PM
I haven't taken down my tree yet, so as they say:
'Tis the season.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 2:18PM
You still have your Kwanzaa Tree up?
What are you waiting for?
Warrior| 1.4.13 @ 8:22PM
No contest is bullshit. Just pisses me off to no end. I was preparing an entry with maybe the greatest actor of the last 20 years, Aaron Hamill. He was also known as the Man Show boy. The Man Show boy in reality is a satirical copy of TLP (I was going to say Joe Biden, but since there is no contest I might as well aim higher). However, I'm guessing that Aaron is actually smarter.
Take a minute and check out his clip:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/.....ying_porn/
Does ridiculing the once banned and totally biased judge of a contest that doesn't actually exist give me a better chance to win a prize?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.4.13 @ 9:07PM
The kid does have a witty banter that could remind one of Tim, particularly when he asks the one guy about checking IDs at The Ramrod.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 2:21PM
Not as much as Kissing My Ass does.
Just sayin.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 2:22PM
Why do ya think Albert wins so often?
R Martin| 1.4.13 @ 11:03PM
OK, a real analogy even though there is no contest (not that there is anything wrong with that).
“The Birdcage” a movie in which Armand Goldman (Robin Williams) and Albert Goldman (Nathan Lane) own, operate and live above a South Beach drag club. Albert is the star attraction, Starina. Turns out Armand has a son from his one heterosexual relationship and that son is engaged to Barbara Keeley (Calista Flockhart) who is the daughter of Senator Kevin Keeley (Gene Hackman).
The Senator and his wife plan to meet the Goldman’s at their Florida apartment. A frenzy occurs to make the place less gay, and Armand (who is somewhat masculine) tries to teach Albert (a flaming queen) to act masculine. As part of the effort Albert tries to walk and talk like John Wayne. It doesn’t work. Albert is Barack Obama whose posturing concern over deficits and debt is as unconvincing as Albert’s attempt at masculinity. In the end Albert gives up and plays Armand’s wife when Senator Keeley and his family visit. Again, this is Obama in full drag reverting to form by eschewing spending cuts in the cliff deal and, in fact, proposing additional stimulus. More…
R Martin| 1.4.13 @ 11:04PM
At the end of the film Senator Keeley finds himself in drag to escape news reporters who have descended on the club hoping to catch him on the scene. After all, Keeley is vice president of the Committee for Moral Order. On his way out the Senator spots his chauffeur and says, “Meet me in the parking lot in 15 minutes.” The chauffeur says, “Not for a million bucks, lady.” Hackman represents the hypocrisy of congress, and the chauffeur is all of us—recognizing ugly when we see it.
Pecos Pete| 1.5.13 @ 7:06AM
Little Ricky ... (Can anyone say that, or is it limited to only Tim?) ... anyway. This is one of the few films or TV thingys mentioned in this non-Contest that I actually remember. I wonder why?
And, a well done to you!
R Martin| 1.5.13 @ 8:09AM
Someone as pretty as you may call me what he likes.
BTW, no schoolmarm critics, please. I'm aware there should be no apostrophe in Goldman above.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 9:14AM
Given Obama’s obvious admiration of “European” socialism (as well as Greek style debt), would it be appropriate to call this “The Bird Cage”, or would it be more appropriate to use the original title “La Cage aux Folles” (or perhaps we should translate the title into the Austrian language)?
SUBVET| 1.5.13 @ 4:59PM
R Martin..........you forgot AGADOR I don't know who stole the show Hank Azaria (Agador) or Lane.
Agador.......you forgot the "thrimp" or you don't like my "Guatamalaness".
Hank also plays many actors on the Simpsons "Moe" for one.
You tell me.....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhePEs4IL8w
SUBVET| 1.5.13 @ 5:01PM
Who whould be AGADOR in the White House.......
R Martin| 1.6.13 @ 8:43AM
David Axelrod.
TLP| 1.6.13 @ 5:35PM
Everybody.
BL in AK| 1.5.13 @ 2:19AM
Using Stkman’s Gilligan’s Island cast querry and TLP’s Twilight Zone “non-contest” forum, it seems that the winner is our POTUS POS BHO as the Professor, Russell Johnson, who also happened to occur in two TZ episodes dealing with time travel. We are all aware that BHO wanted to be in one place (Hawaii) but had to be in two others, the White House and facing the media. One TZ episode is set on the day Lincoln is assassinated and the other is a hanging of a thief once he travels back into time to get away from uncontrollable threats in another time space continuum (Thanks Doc Brown). As Mark Twain said “History doesn’t necessarily repeat itself but it sometimes rhyme”.
Agreeing with the rest of the TAS gang, glad to see you back TLP
cheerz
BL
Joellen| 1.5.13 @ 7:58AM
Since we are all seemingly in the Twilight Zone atmosphere, literally -
"Its a good night" with Billy Mummy. He's a monster boy/Obama, or as Rush rightfully named him "the man/boy", who has full control over his small "community" and if you are not fully subservant to him, well. you get sent to the cornfield. However, because little Anthony/Obama is also truly evil, he must show gruesome examples, like turning one who openly defied him into a jack-in-the-box/aka today as being turned into a full fledge servant to the government since they have all the power right now to take your money without any real representation on the your part.
With the original Twilight Zone series though, you got the moral byline to the story and then you were able to get up and turn the TV off, this show seems to have a never ending bad ending.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 9:06AM
Twilight Zone certainly kept Billy Mumy busy until he got a full time gig on "Lost in Space" (Robot Voice: Warning, warning, Will Robinson). Of course, in the episode you describe, young Anthony didn't like singing, so this contest crowd would definitely be sent to the cornfield.
Joellen| 1.5.13 @ 10:23AM
Well my friend Albert, speaking of great songs; here goes the greatest one:
The House of the Rising Sun by the Animals renamed
The House of the Setting Sun by Joellen
There is a house in Washington DC
and it used to be called the White House
But since Democrats took residence its now been declared
the House of the Setting Sun
Our Government was once a Republic
Based on a document
that gave us rights, and rules and laws
endowed by the Almighty One
Now the only thing a Dictator needs
is those who so easily give up
their freedom that once was cherished by most
in the house of the rising sun;
The've turned in their guns because they feared
of being outdone by those in the media;
The've abandone their faith and then pretend its ok, because they want no flack from the leftist flakes
And when it was time to elect those who would adhere to the way we once settled the land;
well they caved and replace those who once ruled by the law with a regime that set out to destroy
Oh it was the house that once stood mighty and strong in a land that once had rised in the sun but now its ruled by those whose goal is to see it go down and yes let it set in the sun
So Mother tell your children
not to do what we have done
voted in a marxist group who
destroyed what was once great
Please raise your child to resent what the've done in the house of the setting sun
in the House of the Setting Sun
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 11:20AM
Joellen;
I want to learn to play guitar just so I can strum along with your version here (which should naturally be followed by one of the Animals' next hits about the need to change direction from where we find ourselves currently as a nation: "We Gotta Get Out of This Place").
R Martin| 1.5.13 @ 12:27PM
AC, "Rising Sun" is one of the easiest songs to play on the guitar. You'll have it after your third lesson.
BTW, there is a Bastiat Society meeting Thursday, 6 pm at ISI. The speaker's topic is praxeology. I suspect there will be some discussion of the Austrian School of Economics and, perhaps, we may even speak some Austrian. Let's meet.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 1:37PM
I'll have to check my schedule, but I may be available. I'll let you know.
CJW| 1.5.13 @ 11:46AM
Great, Joellen.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 2:32PM
I'm Snapping my Wife's Bra Strap like crazy after tha one, Joellen.
And, NO, I'm not wearing it. I put it on the Dog.
And, YES, I realize that Snapping is reserved for Poem Recertations, but in my own Defence.....What, pray tell, is a Song, if not a Poem set to Music?
Genital Warts.
Pecos Pete| 1.6.13 @ 11:05AM
Joellen: Ignore those who can not appreciate Genius.
snap! Snap! SnaP! SNAP!
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 9:18AM
BL;
The Lincoln episode is particularly relevant in that he tries to warn everyone what is going to happen, but almost no one listens. That should remind us of the conservative voices crying out about the danger of the debt and other Obama policies, yet we continue to accelerate toward our demise.
BL in AK| 1.5.13 @ 3:10PM
Albert-
On target sir. Enjoyed your poems and appropriate placeholders during TLPs hiatus.
BL
Hardcard| 1.5.13 @ 10:03AM
We are in the Twilight Zone as we communicate. Scene: 1 act 1: the POTUS (played by Ru Paul) is smoking a Newport 100 in the rear driveway of the Big Gahuna Lounge in Wikki Beach. A male and a big wifey type woman pull up to were POTUS is standing the driver exits the light blue Bently coupe and flips the car keys to POTUS, HEY you boy park it close and no dings, I'll be back in an hour or so, I have to meet by drug contact (viagra). POTUS throws the keys back to the old white male and shouts I can't park it now I gotta go to DC for a bullshyt pow-wow with the weeper and no nuts McCee. Scene 2 act 1: The old turd (played by ben stein) is found in the dumpster; scene fades to black and to commercial: sandra fuke is endorseing a line of ellen degeneres performance enhancing tools they are backed, by the, USDEPA, ATFE,FEMA,FDIC, the barney frank fund, Parents Without Partners, PBS, and the world widlife fund. Stay tuned for a look at next weeks episode in the continuing saga of barry and the pirates.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 11:22AM
I think I just saw this episode on the Sci-Fi Channel's New Year's Marathon of Twilight Zone (or did I read it at a link on "The Drudge Report"?).
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 5:11PM
How is it that, when there IS a Contest, Hardcard can't come up with ANYTHING.
Yet, here we are at a Non-Contest, and he's putting out Gold like that?
Go figure.
Pecos Pete| 1.6.13 @ 11:12AM
Hardcare: You forgot the FED. Otherwise, you have a very panegyrical mind.
Pecos Pete| 1.6.13 @ 11:16AM
eracdraH, geez, where'd that come from. Although, come to think of it, Hardcare may be more appropriate.
John Navratil| 1.5.13 @ 11:26AM
TLP,
Man -- get busy for a few weeks and miss all the fun. Where can I go to get the full story of your internment in the reeducation camp?
The was never a movie called "Ship of Fools" so there would be no point in casting for it, but if I were to be a casting agent, I might cast Hillary as Mary Treadwell drinking, cavorting and trying to relive her youth or, at least, try again. The drug-addicted Condesa would be Pelosi, for her actual Botox use and for the addled brain. The prison she is headed for is run by John Boehner who isn't actually cast. Dr. Schumann would be played by Wm. F. Buckley who has actual concern for the American workers riding in steerage. Chuck Hagel is cast as Siegfried Rieber. Jack in Wi is his understudy in the event Hagel is called to duty. Bill Denny is played by John Kerry who is sad that his wind-surfing, or baseball, didn't propel him to the Presidency. Jenny and David are played by Huma Adedin and Anthony Weiner whose art career has not been entirely successful. Lowenthal is Eric Cantor, Carl Glocken is Barney Frank and Freytag is Gary Johnson who is shocked to be ostracized because he is a Libertarian.
Our Captain Thiele is, of course, Barack and the entertainers are the Congressional Black Caucus with lead singer Shiela Jackson-Lee.
R Martin| 1.5.13 @ 12:29PM
You've been missed.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 5:13PM
And, you've been Missed for obvious reasons.
Good One.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 12:02PM
For my next non-entry, it is no contest (because, after all, there is no contest). What better example of recent events at the site is there than “Caddyshack”?
The American Spectator Site is Bushwick, the staid and exclusive country club where the establishment Republicans and conservatives gather to hone their golf skills for a future challenge to the current Duffer in Chief. Great attention is paid to the rules, which are generally only enforced to keep out those who are found to be distasteful.
TLP is, of course, Al Czervik, whose brash presence and behavior disrupt the staid country club setting. In the role of Judge Smails, I feel it is appropriate to nominate Gary B, with Appleby as his wife. Quartermaster joins with the traditional membership, and even though there is a Doctor in that crowd, I fell Doctor Right is more appropriate as the Bishop.
Joellen, Tina B, Alan’s Girl and Goldwater Girl get to alternate in the role of Maggie O’Hooligan, waitress and girlfriend of Danny Noonan, who will be alternately played by Pete, KJ, CJW, and the others clamoring for TLP’s return. D’Annunzio and the other caddies will be filled in by Mike,Stkman, OF, John II (should he return), BL, Kwan, John N (who gets to ogle Lacey’s uh, attractive qualities at the pool scene) etc.. I will be Lou Loomis, proprietor of the Caddyshack and tournament referee.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 12:03PM
R Martin will have the Chevy Chase role of Ty Webb, who rises to the challenge against Czervik by Judge Smails. I am torn between casting Anna K as the gopher (as, unlike her, it has charm for some, despite its status as a pest) or Lacey Underall (who, despite her spoiled lifestyle, was at least physically attractive).
Of course, there seems no one better to play the role of Carl Spackler, the groundskeeper immortalized by Bill Murray, than Hardcard.
R Martin| 1.5.13 @ 12:37PM
Excellent analogy and inspired casting. TLP has referred to golfing and I've often pictured him as Czervik. Hardcard/Spackler, brilliant.
But wasn't it Bushwood?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 1:25PM
Your memory of that is likely more accurate than my own, though if I might channel Michael Keaton from "Mr. Mom"; Bushwick, Bushwood; whatever it takes.
Jacob McCandles| 1.5.13 @ 1:41PM
"gambling is illegal at Bushwood, sir, and I NEVER slice..."
Alternatively, TLP could be the kid who dropped the turd (Baby Ruth) in the pool. Perhaps a good analogy. London could be the kid picking his nose and eating the results to the horror and amusement of the group of caddies.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 2:43PM
That was beautiful.
Jack London eating his own Boogers, literally, this time, and not just with the written word.
How about this one?
Purp's Lower Intestinal Tract could be used as the Golpher Hole. And since we're all pretty much certain that there's already some form of Rodent running around in there, anyway? We won't have to spend money on a Gopher.
Tell me that ain't the Winner.
Jacob McCandles| 1.5.13 @ 6:22PM
"pretty sure there's some form of rodent.."
Literally laughed out loud- nice
BL in AK| 1.5.13 @ 3:14PM
Excellent AC. I can carry the bag with beer in it and sneak a peek at Lacy's attractive qualities poolside.
CJW| 1.5.13 @ 3:40PM
I can't stand Chevy Chave, so let me play the Eye-talian caddie that Al Rodney gave $20 and told to get a better haircut.
Perfect casting for Mrs Smails. Rodney asked her to dance and jokingly asked if she wanted to make $14 the hard way, she huffed and puffed and wanted him banned.
BTW, saw the great Rodney live, and was at his club in Manhattan.
Hardcard| 1.5.13 @ 1:02PM
barney frank is still trying to get into fat drunken ted's seat, what's up with that ? Well I've got to go out in the back yard and till my victory garden, is cow manure or bullshit the best fertilzer ?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 1:40PM
A pool and a pond...I think the pond would be good for you.
Jacob McCandles| 1.5.13 @ 1:47PM
"big hitter the lama...the flowing robes, the grace.....striking.".
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 2:37PM
"... 'On your deathbed, you wil receive total enlightenment', so I got that goin' for me"...
R Martin| 1.5.13 @ 3:26PM
"The heavy stuff's not gonna come down for a while yet."
Jacob McCandles| 1.5.13 @ 6:23PM
......which is nice...
BL in AK| 1.5.13 @ 3:18PM
HC-horse manure is the best for veggies.
BL
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 2:51PM
Can you believe it? 240 Comments.
120 of mine, and 120 of everybody else's.
Take my advice, and go back and Reread all of the Posts. Trust me. A lot has been added since you last were there.
Plus, it's a laugh riot.
We're open til 6 am MONDAY Morning.
Enjoy.
I know I'm having a Blast.
Mulva?
BL in AK| 1.5.13 @ 3:21PM
TLP-maybe we can blast thru the 304 record set back before Christmas when all is said and done.
cheerrz
BL
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 3:07PM
"I know I'm having a Blast."
Once Hardcard hits the plunger to detonate all of the woodland creatures he molded out of C4, Purp will be having one, too.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 5:43PM
The Twighlight Episode: Kick The Can.
We begin our Story in a Retirement Home - (TAS). All of the Elderly Patients (you guys) just sit around and wait for the Grim Reaper (Obama) to show up with Kathleen Sebelius, and give them their final Pain Pill.
All of them, except one. TLP (The only one not yet wearing an Adult Diaper)
They all sit at their Keyboards, everyday, and type out their feelings to a World that couldn't care less.
It really is an exercise in Futility, but they soldier on because they must. Even though they know that, like John the Baptist, they are a Lone Voice Crying in the Wilderness.
Finally, one day, TLP decides that this Boring, and he's not gonna take it anymore. trouble is, he doesn't know what to do.
One day, he hears children playing outside. They're playing Kick The Can, and they're Running and Laughing, and having Fun. (All of the Snot Liberals who post at the site)
All of a sudden, like he was hit by a Thunderbolt, he decides that he's not gonna just stand by, anymore, and just waste away into the ether. So he does the only thing he can think of. He starts SWEARING. He STOPS turning the other cheek, and goes on the attack.
Pecos Pete| 1.5.13 @ 5:50PM
And so should we all. Attack that is.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 5:59PM
With his relentless, biting attacks on the status quo, he begins to make friends with some of the others at the Home. (TAS) The ones wearing the Adult Diapers. (You guys)
As time goes by, he makes aquatintences with these people, and they respond to his Vitriol in kind. They stop holding back, and go on the attack as they realize that there is strength in numbers.
He convinces them to join him, outside, for a game of Kick the Can (The Contest) and they do.
All of a sudden, they are no longer a buncha Strangers, sitting around, day after Day, waiting for Obama and Sebelius to show up. They are a GROUP, and they're having Fun, for the first time in a long time.
Well, that doesn't sit well with everyone at the Home, and some of them (Anna K. From Emory U. and her little minions) run to the Staff at the Home (TAS) and he is sent to his room. (Banned)
While locked in his room, TLP sees the Kids, back at it, playing outside. So, (when the Ban is lifted) he runs down stairs and gets the others to join him, once again, for a Game of Kick the Can (This Contest) where they regain a part of their Youth, and feel alive, again.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 6:00PM
What?
Too self serving?
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 6:02PM
And, let me take this time to thank Peso for screwing me up, here.
Thanks Pesco.
Pecos Pete| 1.6.13 @ 10:19AM
You are most welcome. Even so, you done good.
Joellen| 1.6.13 @ 1:19PM
Yes (self serving) but still a good one!
BL in AK| 1.5.13 @ 6:21PM
since we're the same age, I don't have any diapers on either sir..but our time may arrive sooner then we think..
R Martin| 1.5.13 @ 6:01PM
Welllllll, we're waitingggggg.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 6:02PM
For what?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 6:15PM
Judge Smails' classic line...
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 6:55PM
Where's the Beef?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 7:20PM
That was Clara Pell for Wendy's, about two years later.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 7:39PM
I know that.
But who's to say that she didn't get it from Judge Smails?
mike 3/505| 1.6.13 @ 3:35PM
I've often thought about becoming a golf club.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.6.13 @ 3:42PM
Go ahead-have a ball.
TLP| 1.6.13 @ 5:46PM
What the Hell was that, Colonel?
TLP| 1.6.13 @ 5:46PM
That was for the Colonel.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.6.13 @ 6:02PM
I figured that was Mike and a lot of scotch talkin'.
mike 3/505| 1.6.13 @ 7:54PM
Lotsa scotch.
R Martin| 1.6.13 @ 8:57AM
It really is amazing how the slightest little comment ignites the fertile minds here and sends them off on an unrelated string of free association. Amazing and funny.
My “we’re waiting” comment was meant to follow TLP’s 5:43 comment which seemed oddly incomplete. But Pescos and the man hisownself beat me to it. How we got off on the Clara Pell nonsense is what makes this site so much fun.
Joellen| 1.5.13 @ 6:39PM
Ahem, is it just to obvious or should we all be thinking of "The Lost Weekend" being rewritten to "The Lost Two Weeks without TLP".
Our main character T is being destroyed not by the devil liquor, no, it's something more sinister, those evil and allege Professors of our once esteem colleges.
Now over the CHRISTMAS (note I do not say holiday) season, our hero T was last seen nipping at the evil spirit/Anna K. At some point though, the tables turn and its the evil rum/Anna K who now has T in her bony grips. T is banished, no one can find him; and finally when his pals do locate him, they see that T is being tormented by the bad effects of cheap booze/Anna K.
Although T fights, dodges and swings at the loonie tune bats that emerge from the cheap booze/Anna K's universities spew out, T's friends must unite and join the battle to cleanse their friend of the ill effects and withdrawals that T suffered when submerged in such a depraved atmosphere as that of the leftist pretentious chicanery, that caused T abdication of his throne at TAS.
During those lost two weeks, we emerged stronger and more confident in our band of happy conservative warriors. T is clean and cleared of all cheap booze/false accusations and has once again taken his position as Team Leader; and now all at TAS know that no cheap booze/Anna K/leftist zealots will ever divide this band of American Patriots.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 6:48PM
Actually, I am being destroyed by the Demon Liquor, even as we speak. And, what's wrong with Cheap Booze. Not Anna. She sucks.
I mean the Real cheap booze.
And, thanks, Joellen
"Tim's Throne at TAS."
I like that.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 6:57PM
And, as far as a Lost Weekend?
I wish.
We're looking at a Lost Generation, at least.
Vangina Boob. (Family Guy)
Jacob McCandles| 1.6.13 @ 1:37AM
Real cheap, like Dickel's? Now that's a great sippin' whiskey.
"How about a Fresca??"
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 7:31PM
Throne?
Now all the game show hosts will want them (Sajak, Trebek, Woolery-there's some money to made selling royal furniture, and why do I think "King of the Net" has a little plastic one, with wheels?).
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 7:50PM
More like a Porcelain one, with a Flush Handle.
Tina B| 1.5.13 @ 8:26PM
Joellen that was wonderful! I could see it all in my mind's eye (does anyone know if mind gets an apostrophe for the possessive or can the mind even have an eye. . . I digress) and it was great as an analysis if not an analogy. Well done!
Pecos Pete| 1.6.13 @ 10:24AM
Frank "I am the Proposition King" Drackman could tell you, but, sadly (or not) Frank won't join the Merry Band.
(Maybe that should be Purposition or PrepPurposition, or something."
TLP| 1.6.13 @ 5:50PM
Think: Doctor Right.
TLP| 1.5.13 @ 7:53PM
I gotta tell ya, Albert.
When it comes to this? I feel like Patton, and his feeling towards War.
"God, I love it so."
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.5.13 @ 8:32PM
...and your brief banishment was the punishment for slapping the shell-shocked soldier in the hospital (another analogy into the breech, fired, and sent down range).
TLP| 1.6.13 @ 5:51PM
Exactly.
Hardcard| 1.6.13 @ 8:31AM
How about another film classic :"How to Marry a Millionaire"starring, Jean Paul Kerry (Johnny 57 ) , with ZaZu Pitts as the girl nextdoor, Turbotax cheat little timmy geitner and, ben bernanke, as george and uncle billy at the savings and loan, king O as himself also featuring jan napolitano as the cop, hillary cliton. as Ma and eric holder as the fallen angel. A roman polanski and sandra flucke film, my favorite holiday classic.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.6.13 @ 9:30AM
Is that "How to Marry a Millionaire", or "How to Marry a Wonderful Life in Chinatown during the Decline and Fall of Caligula"?
Joellen| 1.6.13 @ 1:18PM
Hardcard - am still laughing - very well done - and so spot on - In fact, the next video we see, instead of Madonna dressed up like Marilyn Monroe; it'll be someone like Ricky Martin (not our Ricky Martin) signing "the Material Man" dressed up like John Fing Kerry, who was in Vietnam btw!
TLP| 1.6.13 @ 5:55PM
And, speaking of Lurch?
How about a Movie: How to marry a Rich Widow, TWICE, starring John Kerry?
RABart| 1.6.13 @ 10:24AM
Tim I really think you've stumbled onto something! I believe your NON contests are better than your contests. I'm just amazed at all of the creative anologies put forth. Twilight Zone - Gilligans Island - Caddy Shack and my favorite recital even included adult diapers. How much better can it get? Sitting in the "computer room" laughing till my eyes water, my wife thinks I've finally lost it. I'm sure this non-contest will indeed surpass 304 entries and I await more brilliant entries. Because this is not a contest, there are no winners per se but I think we're all winners having the opportunity to enjoy our time together. Football? I don't need no stinkin' football. I'd rather visit the Hudson comment section. Thanks all.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.6.13 @ 11:23AM
"Football? I don't need no stinkin' football"
We even manage to get in a "Treasure of the Sierra Madre" reference for the analogy stew.
Pecos Pete| 1.6.13 @ 10:39AM
Tim wants ANALOGIES, so here we go.
The movie: The Godson (1998) not to be confused with The Godson (1971).
Background: Sunny Calzone ( ---> Tim) is buried in a coffin, alive and eating worms to stay that way. Sonny is the #2 son of the Oddfather (Dom DeLuise ---> Albert ... as my mind pictures Albert), a Mafia Don. A competing mob, run by the Rodfather (Rodney Dangerfield ---> AnnaK and cohorts), shoots Sunny, drives a car over him, sticks a knife in his back. Supposedly Sunny is killed. There is a funeral and Sunny is buried in his coffin (actually an upstairs room commonly known as a Hole In The Wall) where we soon learn he is really alive and having to eat worms (actually sucking down Some Really Bad Booze) to survive.
At the end of the movie Sunny miraculously digs himself out of the coffin (with help from His Molls and Fellow Mobsters) and is reunited with his family.
Tim stumbles back to TAS and quickly irritates each and everyone of the Village Idiots, plus some never before seen at TAS. All to the delight of the Merry non-Contest Band.
Sunny's headstone is inscribed with these unforgettable words:
He Lived Hard
He Died Hard
He Was Always Hard
Have A Nice Day
(Sort of fits Tim, doesn't it?)
Pecos Pete| 1.6.13 @ 10:43AM
PS: If anyone in the Merry Band wants to know their role in the cast of The Godson, well just ask.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.6.13 @ 10:54AM
"Sunny, never go against the family".
TLP| 1.6.13 @ 5:59PM
Dom Del Luise?
Pesco just called you a Fat Homosexual.
You gonna take that?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.6.13 @ 6:19PM
While I weigh more than I used to weigh, I don't think that I approach Dom DeLuise size. As he was referencing Dom DeLuise playing Marlon Brando playing the Godfather, I did not take offense.
As far as the homosexuality description goes, while Mr. DeLuise may (or may not) have been so inclined, I can state for the record that I have not had sexual relations with that man, Mr. DeLuise (and, unlike the scene in "Stripes" with Bill Murray and Harold Ramis and the Army recruiter; I'm not, and I'm not willing to learn, even if there is special training)
Joellen| 1.6.13 @ 1:24PM
Pete - this deserves an "Analogy" award - Brilliant!
Hardcard| 1.6.13 @ 12:24PM
Petey it's hardcard, hardcard,hardcard and it's Sunday not sunny, although it's a pretty nice day here in the southland (81 '). When the hell are we gonna have a contest I got some new material ready to go ?? aloha
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.6.13 @ 12:36PM
He Lived Hardcard
He Died Hardcard
He Was Always Hardcard
Have A Nice Sunday
Does that fix it for you?
R Martin| 1.6.13 @ 12:33PM
I can’t remember whether or not we’ve yet had an analogy on the wonderful (but underappreciated) Peter Sellers film, “Being There”. If so, apologies for the duplication.
Sellers plays Chance the gardener, a man with very limited skills and knowledge who is forced by circumstances into the real world outside his garden. Through a progression of misunderstandings his simplistic but serious-sounding utterances are mistaken for profundity and perceived as deep wisdom and knowledge. He quickly rises to prominence, becomes a media celebrity and is the subject of talk about the presidency.
Why this film is such a good (perfect?) analogy of Obama and his administration is that it is a farce, it is black comedy (intended) and it depicts the cynical characterization of self absorbed people in politics and media. There is also an eerily suggestive walking on water scene at the end.
Someone must have used this before. If not, since this is not a contest, I’m saving it to use if there ever is another one.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.6.13 @ 12:38PM
It has been brought up once or twice in the past, but since we are a growing green contest (or non-contest), I think TLP would continue to encourage recycling.
TLP| 1.6.13 @ 6:02PM
Absolutely.
In fact, I encourage everyone to compare Albert with Dom Del Luise.
BL in AK| 1.6.13 @ 4:26PM
Pesco says-
"(Dom DeLuise ---> Albert ... as my mind pictures Albert)" and imagine the analogy of the Uncontest gang headed to the party at Ricky's place as a new version of the Cannonball Run series of Burt Reynolds (TLP), Jerry Reid (Bob G), Sally Field (Joeellen) flicks out jiving Jackie Gleason (Edward lib friend of Anna K at Emory U) to the rendezvous.
Just sayin'
BL
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.6.13 @ 6:01PM
...Burnin' rubber in the Trans Am...
Hardcard| 1.6.13 @ 6:02PM
I guess this non-contest has shot it's load. If it was a contest which it's not, did I when anything ?
TLP| 1.6.13 @ 6:07PM
You win one of Purp's dead Gerbils, Alan Brook's bloody underpants, and a Date for two, with Anna K. of Emory U. to the Lesbian Bar of your choice. (Clothing Optional)
Congratulations.
You deserve it.
TLP| 1.6.13 @ 6:07PM
Oh, and feel free to Shoot Your Load.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.6.13 @ 6:29PM
I highly recommend "The Frogg Pond" in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware for the Anna K. date (Thursday is Karaoke night, and I'm sure they'd love to hear any of the lyrics created on this thread).
R Martin| 1.6.13 @ 6:23PM
Yes, you've won a date with The Contesy. She wears a beautiful tiara, but don't be put off by the webbed feet, the scales or the pointed tail.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.6.13 @ 9:19PM
George Patton was, of course, one of the most colorful and aggressive officers in the US Army during the first half of the 20th century. The film chronicled his experience in the Second World War from North Africa to Italy, then France and (circuitously) into Germany, where he died shortly after the cessation of hostilities in 1945.
Imagine TLP in the starring role, decked out before the American flag. I would cast the role of Field Marshal Montgomery as Gary B, with whom Patton and the other allies shared a common enemy, but with whom rivalry and seeming personal enmity was shared (other posters can be filled in as his staff).
Ross Kaminsky is Ike, charged with advancing the campaign in the ETO, while maintaining peace between the Allied leadership.
Anna K and her minions are the duplicitous members of the press, who would goad Patton into saying things that weren’t politically correct, and then shrilly race around shouting calling for his relief when he did.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.6.13 @ 9:21PM
Omar Bradley, Walter Bedell Smith, Mark Clark, Capt. Jenson, Lt Col Codman and the rest of his colleagues and staff are played by those of us who called for Tim’s return from his ban, just as Patton was eventually returned to Europe to fight once the campaign bogged down in France. Mike plays Capt. Ritchie, the exhausted officer who reports to the General the results of the hand to hand fighting with the Germans.
Also, the soldier in North Africa who Patton awakes to ask what he is doing, who responds “Sleeping, sir”, leading Patton to describe him as the only SOB in theater who knew what he was doing; this is the role for Hardcard (or Hardcare, to use the New Mexican spelling).
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.7.13 @ 7:50AM
A new year has arrived, and it is a new day (or is it an old day?). As Obama shouts “Forward”, we have gone back to an era and a tradition which dates back to when the national debt was barely 16 trillion, and an errant voice in the wilderness decided that in between posting or shouting our viewpoints, that we might enjoy a laugh or two with one another.
Of course, back then, there was a contest; now, we don’t do that any more. This week, our returning host TLP sponsored a weekend at the movies, or movie, or Mr. Bowman’s drooling about Laura Linney, who might have been naked once in Playboy (or not).
Having adopted a more conciliatory tone (or not), not only did Tim get many of the usual suspects, but some occasional and even unexpected guests dropped by, so with apologies to the cast and writers of “The Dirty Dozen”:
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.7.13 @ 7:50AM
A new year has arrived, and it is a new day (or is it an old day?). As Obama shouts “Forward”, we have gone back to an era and a tradition which dates back to when the national debt was barely 16 trillion, and an errant voice in the wilderness decided that in between posting or shouting our viewpoints, that we might enjoy a laugh or two with one another.
Of course, back then, there was a contest; now, we don’t do that any more. This week, our returning host TLP sponsored a weekend at the movies, or movie, or Mr. Bowman’s drooling about Laura Linney, who might have been naked once in Playboy (or not).
Having adopted a more conciliatory tone (or not), not only did Tim get many of the usual suspects, but some occasional and even unexpected guests dropped by, so with apologies to the cast and writers of “The Dirty Dozen”:
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.7.13 @ 7:51AM
In came Seek to take a peek.
Rhoetus spoke his mind on POTUS.
VMJ stopped by one day.
Doctor Right stepped up to fight.
Grow One stopped by to throw one.
A visit yet from Old Subvet.
And once again we saw John N
J McCandles and gopher vandals
Oldefarte also played his part.
Back came Chuck to try his luck.
And Al Adab, he took a stab.
Early startin’ from R Martin
A comment or three from Tina B.
Goldwater Girl gave it a whirl.
With another pearl from Alan’s Girl.
Stkman channeled Gilligan.
Stayed to linger over Ginger
Drunken Sailor tried to nail ‘er
So Maryann could like our Colonel Mike
Pecos Pete defied defeat
And on the yard there marched Hardcard.
And in event of legal trouble you
Always count on CJW
With better spellin’ came Joellen
Could Warrior think of another link
And a frozen yell from old BL
And to this party hale and hardy
freed from whim we welcomed Tim
back to play another day
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.7.13 @ 7:56AM
A cheering part for RABart
Now cut the crap
It’s time to wrap
TLP now heed the plea
No compromises
Award the prizes
Jacob McCandles| 1.7.13 @ 10:54AM
Great Stuff ACJ, well done. As Carl Spackler once said, "Au revoir, gophaire"
TLP| 1.7.13 @ 5:12PM
Amen.
BL in AK| 1.8.13 @ 1:27AM
Cheerz to that.
Had to correct Drackman in the Bebin thread about no left handed QBs winning the SB. What about Steve Young Frank?
cheerz
BL
TLP your package is in the mail so to speak.