Hold your breath, the EPA has ordered.
“I’ve just had a revelation,” she blurted excitedly over the phone. “It’s nearly midnight. Won’t it wait until morning?” I replied. “Not when the fate of the world hangs in the balance,” insisted Ms. Henny-Penny, founder and recording secretary of The Holy Order of The Sky is Falling. Thus, this conversation followed:
Us: Who revealed what to you (I said, sleepily)
Ms. H-P: It came to me in a dream. I’d been mulling over the good news that the Environmental Protection Agency had issued a decree that carbon dioxide is a danger to human health and that the EPA would issue regulations to require those who produce it to cut it way down.
Ms. H-P: So, in the dream a voice asked me, “What is the biggest source of carbon dioxide?” I said, “Human beings. They inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide.” “That’s right,” said the voice, “So, do something to capture that CO2 that is trapping heat and warming the globe to the point that everyone will fry.”
Us: How are you going to capture the CO2 that six billion inhabitants of the earth exhale?
Ms. H-P: Everyone will be required to wear a special mask with a tube attached to it, leading to a plastic bag on a belt. Every time a person exhales, he or she will be sending the CO2 down the tube into the bag.
Us: Then what?
Ms. H-P: The bag will be large enough to hold a day’s worth of CO2. Then, every other day, everyone will go to a CO2 Sequestration Station in their neighborhood to empty their bag into a large cylinder. When the cylinders are full they’ll be carted to huge underground caverns in New Mexico or Kentucky or someplace.
Us: Very practical, but don’t you think people will protest?
Ms. H-P: How can they? The EPA works for President Obama and if he says they can do it, they can do it.
Us: What about Congress?
Ms. H-P: They will be so busy trying to mollify the big factories, power plants and refineries in their districts over the new regulations that this will seem Heaven-sent to them. It will provide just the right solution to the big problem. It makes everyone share the, uh, temporary inconvenience. It’s very democratic, don’t you think?
Us: I think you’ve forgotten the 5.7 billion people who live outside the United States.
Ms.H-P: No I haven’t. The U.S. will set such a stunning example that the rest of the world will quickly want to adopt the plan.
A man of faith in a godless age is hitting Americans where it hurts.
Mr. and Mrs. American Spectator Reader, let P.J. O’Rourke talk sense to your kids.
In Britain, defending your property can get you life.
It won’t take long for conservatives to scratch this presidential wannabe off their 2008 scorecard.
Was the President done in by the economy, or by the politics of the economy?