Just Because
Kamala Harris will film a YouTube video in which she and Doug Emhoff discuss why Kwanzaa is their favorite holiday of the year. Fox News will reveal three weeks later (i) that the Biden White House actually hired a Cuban Company named “Now the Ship Is Really Sinking, Ltd.” to do the film and (ii) that look-alike actors were hired to play Harris, Emhoff, and Kwanzaa.
With Dr. Seuss now banned from American children, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will launch a new national movement to ban all Harry Potter books as racist. In response, Hogwarts University will hire Nikole Hannah-Jones, the progenitor of the 1619 Project who was denied tenure at a respected university, to teach their faculty that Harry Potter owned slaves and that Quidditch was actually invented in Africa. As an attraction for the annual Quidditch season opener, Colin Kaepernick will be invited to kneel. Kamala Harris, found giggling in a cave, will comment: “We need to have this conversation. We need to respect His Truth.”
Ben and Jerry’s will announce a new flavor: Cholesterol Candy Condoms — to protest the Supreme Court decision to uphold the Texas abortion law. Sandra Fluke will be brought out of mothballs to promote the product. When she learns that consumers actually have to pay for the product, she will demand instead that all healthcare plans be required by law to cover the cost of two pints each month. A convent of lactose-intolerant nuns will sue. Rachel Maddow will do a series on Intolerant Nuns. Don Lemon will eat a pint on air. Van Jones will point to systemic racism, asking why the flavor base is vanilla, not chocolate.
Ghislaine Maxwell, finding a noose in her jail cell autographed by Jussie Smollett, will start talking and naming names.
Boris Johnson of the United Kingdom will announce he has six other children from four other wives and two concubines.
Kyle Rittenhouse will settle defamation suits he will have brought against three newspapers and two cable television networks.
During a lavish banquet dinner raising funds for the forthcoming Fourth Annual Trump Christmas Impeachment, the invited main entertainer, stand-up comedian Chief Justice John Roberts, will repeat his famous punchline that “There is no such thing as an Obama Judge or a Trump Judge.” Amid the raucous laughter that follows, three people will choke to death over their fava beans and chianti, but no one will notice because all eyes will focus on Ocasio-Cortez’s new $275,000 Armani-Versace designer dress emblazoned with the words “Tax the Kitsch.”
Ilhan Omar and her third husband, the campaign communications director, will announce that, after having encountered marriage difficulties, they have taken necessary steps to give Ilhan a sense that the marriage now feels right. Towards that end, she will adopt him as her brother.
Nevertheless, as the year ensues, Ilhan will increase the salary of her senior legislative aide to $5 million per annum. After he actually is paid the $5 million, she will divorce her new brother and marry the legislative aide. She then will adopt the legislative aide as her newest brother. The prior brother then will propose that she adopt both as “Somalian/Siamese twins.”
A group of progressive social justice warriors will follow Kyrsten Sinema into her annual gynecological exam and will film a pap smear. When asked for an opinion, a giggling Kamala Harris will say: “This is a conversation we need to have. I stand by Their Truth.”
In a dramatic speech as summer begins, Biden will announce plans to evacuate Afghanistan. “It is time,” he will say. “Our friends in Afghanistan are well trained, prepared, and armed to defend their land from any threat posed by the Taliban.” Kamala Harris at his side will say “I stand by His Truth. America needs to have this conversation.”
George Soros will announce a new initiative to spend $1 billion to elect class presidents in elementary schools’ lower grades. In his first such sponsorship, his candidate, a straight-F student — famous as America’s cover boy representing the country’s first full year of Woke Math — will spend $83,000 in advertising and distributing free candy to voters, while the opposing candidate will spend $6.32. On the winner’s first day in office, he will propose defunding education.
After the U.S. Supreme Court upholds the new Texas abortion law, women who burned their bras in the 1960s will announce a gathering in Washington on the new Juneteenth national holiday to burn their wombs.
Bernie Sanders will purchase his fourth, fifth, and sixth multi-million-dollar mansions, explaining he is “spreading the wealth and the message of socialism.”
CNN, the Washington Post, MSNBC, and the New York Times will announce a ground-breaking joint nationwide education program to teach black Americans how to bring Voter ID with them to the polls. The campaign will be titled: “It’s Just Like at the Airports, at the Movies, and Everywhere Else.” LeBron will demand reparations instead to help black families like his meet food costs amid the Biden-Pelosi raging inflation. Jussie Smollett, through his publicity agent, former Cook County State’s Attorney Kim Foxx, will announce that he will wave food reparations in return for a Classic Cuban Midnight (Medianoche) Sandwich.
Kyle Rittenhouse will announce that he and Nick Sandmann have purchased CNN. Instead of airing news or opinion, they will run a simple 24/7 non-stop sound loop of James Earl Jones saying, “This Is CNN.” Overnight, their network will lead cable ratings. Chris Wallace will change networks to join Shep Smith, Jonah Goldberg, and Chris Stirewalt at The Animal Planet Channel to co-host the all-new “Sunday Mornings with Bonzo.”
Meghan Duchess, Sussex of Markle, will announce her campaign running for the queen of England, as the position becomes electoral. George Soros will fund it. Lord and Lady Grantham, in protest, will convert Downton Abbey to a banana stand.
On the eve of the November elections, Nancy Pelosi will announce that “As a Catholic, I am stepping down as Speaker to devote myself full-time to the Select Committee to Investigate the April 12 Attack on Fort Sumter, the August 24 Burning of the White House, the December 7th Attack on Pearl Harbor, and the January 6th Attack on the Capitol.” Reps. Adam Kinzinger and Liz Cheney will announce a “Go Fund Me” page to finance the effort. The Vatican will be petitioned by Woke Democrats to rename all monuments and buildings in California, formerly dedicated to Saint Junipero Serra, to newly honor Pelosi as “Our Lady of the Perpetual Impeachment.”
United States Attorney John Durham’s team will expand their efforts and budget, devoting the year to continue investigating whether his title is Special Counsel, Special Prosecutor, or Special Investigator.
Real Predictions
Biden’s approval ratings will continue to sink. He will have a good week here or there, and even a month of neutral flow, but he will sink to depths that border or set historic lows. Harris will sink even lower.
Democrats will stand with him, at least 60-65 percent of them, but Independents will prove to have abandoned him for good.
Black people will be murdered in large numbers on Saturday nights throughout the year in Chicago, St. Louis, Minneapolis, Detroit, Baltimore, and Philadelphia. No one will care.
There will be another Hunter Biden financial scandal. This time, social media will not be successful in covering it up.
Hispanics will move meaningfully towards the GOP in November 2022, but a long-term realignment may not unfold. For decades, we have been told that because Hispanics are devoutly religious Catholics, entrepreneurial, and socially traditional family people, they are a match for the GOP. This has proven to be not true. The Democrats have sold them on Voting by Color. And the Republicans they have known have been mostly 12 years of George Bush, marked sooner or later by disastrous economic catastrophe. Then came Obama and Trump. That duo in the hand was worth two of the Bush. For the first time, Hispanics have lived through eight years of the progressive Woke dream followed by four years of the potential of what could be under a more populist-conservative regimen. Beyond the promises, they have seen that they lost money and were forgotten under Obama, and then prospered under Trump. On the other hand, under Obama, they had to pray more devoutly because he preyed more — on them. The long-term question for Hispanic Americans and Asian Americans is whether they finally will figure out that the “People of Color” political ploy does not include them. Think of the heroes of Black Lives Matter: Trayvon Martin, Freddie Gray, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Michael Brown. Think of the association’s name: Black Lives Matter. If I am Asian-descended, at some point I have to be asking myself: “What exactly does this have to do with me and my rights and opportunities? If anything, they leverage black admissions quotas to keep us out of college even though our academic achievements are so much more stellar.” Hispanics, too, at some point have to be asking themselves a similar series of questions. Once they figure out that Black Lives Matter is not their cause, maybe they will figure out what Hispanic expatriates from Communist countries like Cuba and Venezuela already know: the newly populist GOP, shaped by Trump, is their party. It is no longer the GOP of the White socialite dinner party set (no White dresses after Labor Day; mind the difference between the salad fork and the fish fork) and the Koch brothers who see in Hispanics little else besides cheap labor.
There will be at least five mosque bombings in the world. All will be perpetrated by Arab Muslims.
Israel will continue to build or expand Jewish communities in Judea Samaria. By December 31, 2022, the total Jewish population in Judea and Samaria (which includes East Jerusalem) will number close to one million. (READ MORE: Why Anti-Zionism Always Is Pure Anti-Semitism)
Putin will authorize certain maneuvers on the Crimea-Ukraine border aimed at provoking a misstep in Ukraine that Putin will use to justify invading Ukraine. If it happens, he will annex part of Eastern Ukraine. Biden and Blinken will announce sanctions. Putin won’t care.
As the Delta and Omicron variants fade, there will emerge yet another significant COVID variant. Florida and Texas will handle it differently from New York and California. In time, more than 80 percent of America will have been exposed to some form of COVID, and herd immunity will become the focus. Dr. Fauci will remain in his position.
The United Kingdom initially will continue suffering some disadvantages occasioned by their Brexit departure from the European Union. However, as time unfolds, it will be clear they were right to leave the EU, and other countries will start moving in that direction once they see Brexit’s wisdom.
The U.S. Supreme Court will uphold the Texas abortion law. The Left will go berserk and demand packing the Court. It won’t happen. Manchin will say no. So the Left will say, “How about if we just add Puerto Rico and D.C. as states?” It won’t happen. Manchin will say no. So McConnell will invite Manchin to become a GOP senator. It won’t happen. Manchin will say no.
Cities that defunded police will announce during the year that they are hiring more police and increasing police salaries and pensions.
The GOP will take back the House, winning back some 40 seats. Herschel Walker will defeat Raphael Warnock in Georgia and take back a GOP U.S. Senate seat. Stacey Abrams will run for something, too, and will lose. She will blame electoral corruption. Beto will get creamed in the race for Texas governor.
Inflation will get worse. Gasoline will hit $4 in some states, $5 in others, and may hit $6 in California. The Fed will continue changing policies throughout the year.
Ghislaine Maxwell, finding a noose in her cell autographed by Jussie Smollett, will start talking and naming names.
Image licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.
