Dear Tommy,
You are about to embark on a fantastically difficult journey — the journey of trying to make the major relationship of your life work. I am about to offer a few thoughts on the subject that may be helpful:
1. The key to all relationships is patience. Never make snap decisions or do anything dramatic and permanent without taking time to think and pray over it.
2. If there is one mega-weapon to make your life and your lover’s life work, it is FORGIVENESS. It is crucial to be forgiving in every situation, especially the ones that seem unforgivable. Losers hold grudges and cling to anger. Winners who succeed at long-term relationships forgive and forget. It’s a nuclear weapon of invincible power. It will save you endlessly for all of your life. There is nothing that can overcome real, truly felt forgiveness.
It saves you as much as it saves the person or animal you are forgiving. The Old and New Testaments command very little explicitly, but they do command forgiveness over and over again. You must forgive —
3. And especially forgive yourself. You gain little or nothing from not forgiving yourself.
4. Understand that each person is an individual. Respect his or her individuality, and soon the respect will spread like roses on an antique brick wall.
5. Do not get into unsecured debt at all beyond a small amount of credit-card indebtedness. Debt is a cancer. It will kill you if it can.
6. Do not use addictive, illegal, mind-altering drugs, except as part of medically prescribed surgery.
7. A marriage is a contract. It should be as binding as any other contract. It’s not a joke. It’s serious and as serious as any other contract, and, in fact, more so.
I will send more later. But please read and think about these and share them with Bri.
