There is an unnecessary war on Santa Claus.
When we talk, as we are forced to do every year, about the “war on Christmas,” we generally focus on the efforts of the ACLU and their ilk to continue their assaults on the symbols of the holiday. From coast to coast lawyers are lining up to snatch away the visions of sugarplums that might otherwise dance in the heads of American children.
Of course what adds to the frustration of Christmas-loving Christians is the way in which the celebrations of other faiths, particularly Islam, have gained in exposure; most notably that our last two presidents have seen fit to bend over backwards in recognizing Muslim holidays. While over in the retail world, stores like Best Buy disdain to use the “C” word but take the occasion of Thanksgiving to wish our Muslim brothers a “Happy Eid al-Adha.”
Now the word is out that even Santa Claus is under attack. Some folks on a school board in Massachusetts have compared the use of his image to that of a Swastika. It may have leaked out that the venerable star of stage, screen, and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is actually a religious symbol; that his cap represents a bishop’s miter and the tasty candy canes he hands out to the kiddies are patterned after the crosier carried by that holy man.
Most folks of a certain age understand that, at least in this country, Santa is now the means by which parents keep their kids in line and Madison Avenue sells its wares; kind of like the way liberals invent things like Anthropogenic Global Warming. However, much like the child who saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, some folks are beginning to pull on the proverbial beard.
Over one hundred years ago, a sweet, trusting, little girl wrote a letter to a newspaper — when such organs were still deemed trustworthy — seeking to have her doubts about Santa allayed. Now may be just the time for another such missive:
Dear Editor: I am 18 years old. Some of my conservative friends say there is no Santa Claus. But my journalism teacher says, “If you see it on Fox News, it isn’t so.” Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?
115 West Ninety-Fifth Street
Dear Virginia, your conservative friends are wrong. They have been affected by the propaganda of an anti-statist mindset. They do not believe anything except what they are told by the vast right-wing conspiracy. They think that nothing can be true which is not the product of their almighty pens. In this great country of ours, Virginia, all conservative minds are little as compared with the boundless world of academia about them, as measured by their attempts at grasping the whole of truth and knowledge through something as silly as their so-called religious faith.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as the right to abortion in the Constitution and conservative bias in the media. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were only Fox News and no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no viable windmill energy! There would be no blind faith in the New York Times then, no Dan Rather to make tolerable this bourgeois existence. We should have no reliability in science, except for dull facts and figures. The utopian light with which liberalism fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in Al Gore! You might get a few thousand scientists to suggest that bogus data was invented to support the claims of global warmists, but even if it could not show that temperatures are rising, what would that prove? It’s the same with Santa! Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus.
Our most important policy goals are based on things in the world that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn or Barack Obama’s birth certificate? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there! None but cold-hearted conservatives demand this kind of verification of that which we hold sacred.
You may tear apart our agenda to see if any of it is workable or even constitutional, but there is a veil covering the liberal world which neither Rupert Murdoch nor even Sarah Palin can tear apart. Only by dreaming, hoping and community organizing can we maintain the protection of that curtain and all the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all our world there is nothing else so real and abiding.
No Santa Claus! Heaven forbid! He lives, and he lives as long as the memory of Dennis Kucinich lives on in the hearts of men. A year from now, Virginia, nay, three years from now, he may continue to make glad the heart of America.
A man of faith in a godless age is hitting Americans where it hurts.
Mr. and Mrs. American Spectator Reader, let P.J. O’Rourke talk sense to your kids.
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