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At Large
The Bonfire of the Hispanities
MEXICO CITY, April 27, 2009 -- On the crowded sidewalks of Paseo de la Reforma, a dark-eyed office worker held a cell phone to her left ear and with her free hand pulled down her blue medical mask to reveal a lovely Latin pair of lips. In a gesture worthy of Albert Camus, she took a deep dark carcinogenic draft from a Marlboro Light. Without exhaling, she replaced the mask.
As is the case so often in this country, something's picturesque with this wrong.
I was in this crowd along the Reforma after a Sisyphean morning at the United States Embassy. I had arrived a little after 9:00 to avail myself of the notarial services offered, according to the Embassy website, every weekday from 8:30 a.m. until noon. In one of the many obstacles to commerce that NAFTA has not alleviated, the only place a United States visitor to Mexico can get business and legal documents notarized for purposes back home is the Embassy or one of its consulates. The rent-a-cop ("seguridad privada") at the entrance told me that the Embassy had decided to suspend all services for American citizens until at least the sixth of May because of the swine flu scare. "Unless it's an emergency."
After two hours of persistent calls up the bureaucratic ladder and trying to explain that I could show I had a deadline by which to send some notarized documents to the United States, I finally found an official who was willing to consider the threat of unintentionally voiding a major transaction to have the character of an emergency.
As forbidding as the portals of the Château D'If that confined Jim Caviezel and countless other celluloid Counts of Monte Cristo, the iron gates of the Embassy creaked open. Large, smiling portraits of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton festooned the anteroom to the "citizens' service center" where I waited another half-hour to get the attention of one of the many idle clerks in an office almost empty of citizens.
A "foreign service national" -- one of the local hires who do most of the "work" in our Embassies and Consulates -- deigned at length to recognize my presence. Displaying traits akin to the kids who used to take pleasure in plucking the wings from helpless insects, he pronounced himself unimpressed that my situation presented an emergency.
"But that's why they let me in here after two hours!" I protested.
After a long consultation in a back room, he returned, carrying a grudge as grand as an Aztec pyramid. "The vice consul will notarize your documents," he hissed.
After no particular hurry, the vice consul appeared. With the fastidiousness of a cleric taking sacred vessels from a tabernacle, the foreign service national readied the shiny metal embossing instrument to adorn my documents with the Embassy's official seal.
Just before the secular sacrament could be consummated, the room began to feel like a ship on rough seas. "It's an earthquake!" said my wife, a Mexico City native. "The Embassy is built on a hydraulic foundation. That's why it feels like we're on water."
A disembodied voice barked over the public address system, "THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THERE HAS BEEN AN EARTHQUAKE. SECURE ALL CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS AND EVACUATE THE BUILDING IMMEDIATELY."
"Well," said the vice consul dryly, "you'll just have to come back later."
Across the side street in the snack bar of the Sheraton, I watched CNN interrupt the Mexican health minister's live news conference on the swine flu crisis to cut to live coverage of the earthquake from just across Paseo de la Reforma. As reports filtered in from around the city and the countryside, it turned out to have been fairly big on the Richter Scale --5.8 -- but there was no apparent human injury or property damage. For an hour, the CNN screen seesawed between swine flu and earthquake hysteria, making me wonder whether the usual fixtures on the round-the-clock news tube, the drug lords and their military foes, were feeling slighted.
Then an Embassy cop with a bullhorn announced "all clear." A half hour later, the documents were notarized.
Morton Blackwell, the imperturbable trainer of young conservative politicos, gives his students a list of copybook maxims. The one I remember best is "Never give a bureaucrat a chance to say No."
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Appleby| 4.28.09 @ 7:28AM
We have the same socialist reluctance to move here in Kanukistan. As I trained in a firm where I worked for an International Tax and Finance attorney who had Russians for clients, I learned early on that one NEVER responds to the invitation cum direction to *have a seat* -- remain standing at all times in a place where everyone can see you, and speak in a clear, bell-like voice that can be heard. And find the cultural hot button. In Russian it is the word *uncultured* and in Canada it is *Third World* and in the USA it is *inefficient.* Use it more in sorrow than in anger. It has magical results.
As for the cigarette and the mask, we recently had a house explode downtown killing two or three people and burning not only itself but its two neighbours. It proved to be caused by a woman on oxygen lighting up a cigarette.
Daniel Harden| 4.28.09 @ 11:27AM
Years ago, when I spent quite a bit of time in Mexico, the usual advice was that if at all possible Americans should avail themselves of the services of the British Embassy. It was far more responsive to your needs and they did try to assist Americans whenever they could.
loulou| 4.28.09 @ 11:52AM
You couldn't pay me to go to Mexico.
MAS1916| 4.28.09 @ 1:02PM
This might just be another contrived crisis dredged up by Team Obama. Blaming an inefficient embassy on Bush would be easy enough, and Hillary would get to ride in and collect credit on behalf of our great Leader.
For a look at the next real flu crisis, hit:
http://firstconservative.com/blog/top-ten/obamaflu-the-new-and-potent-virus
Tom Paine| 4.28.09 @ 3:48PM
What America is really grateful for is the cuts in support for flu preparedness enforced by Republicans -- as well as their snide mocking of Obama's proposed spending in that area.
The Spanish Flu of 1918 may have killed as many as 50 million people. This current flu is genetically related to the Spanish Flue, and in Mexico it has 3 times the fatality rate.
Good things the Republicans are there to defend us against those evil liberals!
Liberals look at a thing like the 1918 flu and ask, "How might we prevent this from happening again?"
Silly liberals. All that work on science and medicine. Too bad they can't just shrug and cut taxes for the rich, like the Republicans.
Next thing you know they'll want to fund research on volcanoes and hurricanes!
What's next? Testing drinking water?
De-Population in full flight| 4.28.09 @ 3:53PM
Obama has nothing to do with the Flu Virus, anybody who thinks he does is an odiot. The only person in Politics who is heavely invested in Tamiflu is Rumsfeld.
Dick Cheney was heavely invester in Haliburton, the Iraq was to get all the contracts to Re-build Iraq, But then contractors was being kidnapped and murdered in Iraq. Hence why Dick Cheney is saying Obama is weak because Dick Cheney is relying on the war in Iran to make his money.
Either way, Obama and Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney will make some money, I doubt the Americans will make a penny.
The trick is create a problem and plot to invest in the stocks, and leave it wait till your turn comes around.
For every Dead American some one is making a profit, for every crippled American someone is making a profit, eithey by artifical limbs, or Health care. What most Americans need to know is be proud of your country and die in glory to make a profit for the companies who manufacture Arms, that America sold to the enemy, to kill Americans, as well as the enemy.
The Arms industry and the Banks arm both side of the conflict, because that is why the profit is huge. Haliburton rebuilds cities towns bridges and whole countries. Never worked in Iraq, because if I know so does the enemy. And the enemy will kill the contractors, so Haliburton makes nothing. The drugs industry will cash in on the Bird Flu. Grave diggers will make a mint if they are willing to risk their lives.
Or whole Cities will just be burnt down to prevent the disease spreading. Or those FEMA Death camps will be just what the Government was waiting for. To dump and burn corpses. The David Rockerfeller Foundation which funds depopulation program will sit back and have a laugh because these people are EVIL. They run America, they are called the power behing the throne.
De-Population in full flight| 4.28.09 @ 3:54PM
Obama has nothing to do with the Flu Virus, anybody who thinks he does is an odiot. The only person in Politics who is heavely invested in Tamiflu is Rumsfeld.
Dick Cheney was heavely invester in Haliburton, the Iraq was to get all the contracts to Re-build Iraq, But then contractors was being kidnapped and murdered in Iraq. Hence why Dick Cheney is saying Obama is weak because Dick Cheney is relying on the war in Iran to make his money.
Either way, Obama and Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney will make some money, I doubt the Americans will make a penny.
The trick is create a problem and plot to invest in the stocks, and leave it wait till your turn comes around.
For every Dead American some one is making a profit, for every crippled American someone is making a profit, eithey by artifical limbs, or Health care. What most Americans need to know is be proud of your country and die in glory to make a profit for the companies who manufacture Arms, that America sold to the enemy, to kill Americans, as well as the enemy.
The Arms industry and the Banks arm both side of the conflict, because that is why the profit is huge. Haliburton rebuilds cities towns bridges and whole countries. Never worked in Iraq, because if I know so does the enemy. And the enemy will kill the contractors, so Haliburton makes nothing. The drugs industry will cash in on the Bird Flu. Grave diggers will make a mint if they are willing to risk their lives.
Or whole Cities will just be burnt down to prevent the disease spreading. Or those FEMA Death camps will be just what the Government was waiting for. To dump and burn corpses. The David Rockerfeller Foundation which funds depopulation program will sit back and have a laugh because these people are EVIL. They run America, they are called the power behing the throne.
The word Idiots means American| 4.28.09 @ 4:10PM
There is no evil Liberals or Evil Republicans, there are people out there to profit at the cost of stupid Americans. It's been going on for more than two centuries.
Who wants WAR, no one in their right mind, especially if you are the ones who risk your life and limb.
A dead Liberal and a Dead Republican looks the same, both are Americans. That is why most people see Americans as idiots, if you have a country which in a war situation fighting against it's self how can it win, Liberal or Democrats is not the issue. The issue is what are you fighting for?.
When you are a SOLDIER fighting for FAKE WARS, risking life and limb. And have Idiots like the people who write on this page, it's understandable why Americans people worldwide hate Americans because ther are seen around the world as the most stupidest people in the developed world.
Idiots on their last legg| 4.28.09 @ 6:17PM
Goyims deaths planned and carried out by the smallest group in the world. Americans the biggest fools ever lived.
Used and abused, fighting our wars, following our orders. Who do you think runs America idiots, do you think Jewish people trust Goyims. Like Haggie said when Kews see's a Cross they run for cover. They speak about Jesus, we speak about money.
Jim| 4.28.09 @ 6:40PM
Tom,
You are an idiot, your buddy schumer cut pandemic funding and the moron in charge
of the DHS say we need to keep the borders
open. What are a few dead Americans compared to the potential obama illegal alien voting block?
Jim| 4.28.09 @ 6:44PM
Did he conspiracy theorists and the 9/11 truthers get off work early today?
Fritz Laux| 4.28.09 @ 7:08PM
Thanks for this fun editorial. The real charm is in your use of imagery. I worked in Mexico City for 6 years and your story really takes me back.
As for me, I always had good luck (and a few warm, if tentative, smiles) at the American Embassy. They even helped me out a couple of times when it wasn't necessary for them to do so (I’m fuzzy on the details, but believe this was making copies and helping me after the official closing time or such). Still, I sure would hate to need to do business at the embassy in the midst of this flu panic....
Oddly enough (and please grown), I even had good luck at the Mexican immigration office (SRE location for visas and stuff, that's on Ejercito Nacional). They never asked for (or got) a bribe and accelerated ("agilizaron") some paperwork for me. For those who like imagery, you can recall the bank that’s just to the west of the immigration office, where one can make payments and get the official receipt, as well as the food stands to the east of the immigration office. Also, I remember an upper-class, died-blond, 65-year-old, woman, a heavy smoker who certainly seemed Mexican, throwing an absolute fit in the immigration office while I was waiting. It was kind of funny.
Can't agree more with the Professor Dugan's complaint about socialism, though. No better way to mess up your whole day than to have to deal with a socialized anything... That's how some of these 65-year-old, died blond, angry-aggressive, upper-class Mexican women learn to be the way they are --- they are taught how to abuse the privileges that a socialist system affords them.
Thanks again for a story that brings back some memories.
Tom Paine| 4.28.09 @ 8:03PM
Jim --
While I won't respond to your calling me an "idiot," I was going to ask, don't you read the newspapers?
Then I caught myself.
Anyway, were you interested in actual events, in actual news, instead of the nonsense you pick up listening to Rush Limbaugh, you would know that it was the Republicans who pulled flu funding out of the stimulus bill. Of course eventually Democrats signed off on it, but it was to get Collins's vote (R - Maine).
You should try informing yourself -- especially if you're going to be calling people names.
Jim| 4.28.09 @ 8:56PM
Tom,
Glad that you agree with me that you are a leftist idiot. I don't csonsider WAPO and NYT informative.
HMMMM......| 4.28.09 @ 10:35PM
This is an analysis more than anything:
Consider the following
If you analyze the map of existing cases (link below) -- it is spread too evenly across the USA and cultures influenced by the West.
It could be a coincidence, but if the theory is that it was created by dry animal dung suspended in the air due to dryness, then why are there no cases in the dry hot Middle East.
See the map
http://healthmap.org/swineflu
Pingback| 4.28.09 @ 11:00PM
Steynian 350 | know thy congressman links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
Jose Martinez| 4.28.09 @ 11:58PM
I just wanted to thank you guys. Keep speaking truth to power. It's paying off big time. I don't know if you guys heard about Spector. Our hope is to to get rid of Snowe and Collins within the year. It's not possible without you guys though. You guys are the moral majority in this country (disclaimer: not actually a majority). Don't let America forget it. Get out there, start protesting those abortion clinics, lynch some of those illegals. Hey, I heard there is going to be a gun protest in D.C. this summer with people just walking around with guns. It should make for some great T.V. Once America sees us I know there going to fall in love with conservatism all over again.
Don't let the liberals give you any shit either. We know they, in conjunction with the Jews who run the banking industry secretly control the media with the help of the Vatican. Don't forget about the secret FEMA concentration camps. Obviously swine flu is a part of that. As HMMMM points out, why hasn't it spread to the middle east. It's clearly a conspiracy; there are absolutely no sociographic trends or data to explain that contradiction. If swine flu is being carried by pig dung? then why isn't it in the Middle East. I mean they love ham in the Middle East.
The fact of the matter is liberals are evil. They want your babies so they can make stem cell soup out of them to feed them to Mexican immigrants. Speak truth to power. Let your faces be seen. I suggest sending threatening letters to the networks, or members of Congress to let them know that, contrary to certain DHS findings, we are not extremists. We just god fearing Christians who wan't to keep are children safe from the temptations of homosexuality.
Anonymous| 4.29.09 @ 12:14AM
Watch, Democrats will try to make Swine Flu a reason for gun control. Never let a crisis go to waste, you know. (All you insulting Alinksyite trolls here, be civil or go annoy people on Huffington Post!)
Anonymous| 4.29.09 @ 1:32AM
Exactly. This issue is totally being hijacked to push gun control. Very astute observation. This is clearly a plan to take our guns so black folks can rape our white women. Back in the good old days we had ways of dealing if blacks who got uppity, but now is all due process this, habeus corpus that, blah blah excessive bailments, yada yada Geneva Conventions, yickity yack 14th amendment incorporation...ridiculous. Granted no one has mentioned gun control and swine flu together, but the undertones are strong. I am so sick of all the hoops I have to jump through to get a gun. I NEEEDDDDDDGGGGGUNSSSSSSSSS. What would I do without my guns. My penis gets so fucking hard when I rub my member against it. Sometimes I stick the pearl handle up my ass, not because its gay or anything, but becasue it's my second amendment right. That is a right they can't take away.
Pingback| 4.29.09 @ 1:12PM
Topics about Christ-the-redeemer » Archive » The Bonfire of the Hispanities links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
Pingback| 4.29.09 @ 1:28PM
Insects In Iraq Cool » Blog Archive » Quick scan of the net - insects in iraq links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
Pingback| 4.30.09 @ 12:29AM
Suddenly Toomey links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
Pingback| 5.3.09 @ 1:25PM
Steynian 350 « Free Canuckistan! links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
Irony?| 5.4.09 @ 12:51PM
Hey anonymous! Surely you jest?
Pingback| 5.11.09 @ 7:45AM
Steynian 350 | acorn 8 links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
Steve B| 5.17.09 @ 10:09PM
The real Thomas Payne didnt obfuscate the the truth like the phony one making Orwellian thinkspeak in this comments section. Liberals have become good at repeating a lie over and over again.
It was the Bush administration that stockpiled antiviral meds after their supply waned under Clinton due to rampant lawsuits against vaccine companies forcing them to leave the US.