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Special Report
Erin Go Brawl
I've never much liked St. Patrick's Day. As time passed, I've never much liked it even less. Before the last few years, my main objections were not just about public order and drunken rowdiness, but also that our country hardly needed these vestiges of clannishness anymore in an era when everyone, it seems, is determined to prove that they're part of a special group. They forget they're already part of a special group, the few people on the planet lucky enough to live in freedom in the United States. More gratitude and humility, less chest-pounding tribalism, please.
When I bought a house north of New York City and became a commuter, I began loathing St. Patrick's Day, because once a year I've had to share a train ride home for an hour and a half with drunken, foul-mouthed, rowdy 20-something hooligans. Last year, my evening train was delayed when fights broke out among them. This year, it was much worse. The hooligans fought us.
And to think that I'd left work early to avoid the drunken mobs. But the drunks were already in force on the mid-afternoon train, using abusive language and harassing passengers -- including a mother and father with their three young children. The kids' father, who looked about my age (early 40s), yelled at the green-clad goons at the outset of the trip to watch their mouths, and they complied for a time, but I knew that we probably wouldn't get through the whole ride unscathed, and resolved to myself that if trouble started, I'd help out. In the meantime, I watched through the window of a connecting car as another group of green punks mouthed off and harassed the woman conductor as she tried to collect their tickets. She was 50ish and stood her ground, though the stress showed on her face.
Midway through the ride, all hell broke loose with cursing and shouting behind me. I got out of my seat and went down the car, where the father was already confronting the main ringleader and his soused girlfriend. They were yelling at him, just feet away from his wife and children, to "f-off" and that it was "motherf—ing St. Patrick's Day." The girlfriend kept up a steady stream of gutter language and boorishness herself, providing another exhibit in feminism's long march back to barbarism ("Look ma! We're brutes now, too!"). Over the last several years, my patience with this kind of thing has been exhausted. I told the guy that he was a drunken punk who was bothering the whole car, that there were children and older passengers and people who just wanted to get home, and that he should calm down and he'd get home in one piece. He said "make me," and then the father said something, and he took a swing at the father, or me, I'm not sure which; a melee broke out with those two mainly trying to get at one another, and me trying to support my new ally. In an instant, it seemed a dozen or so people were involved, creating a crush something like a standing football pileup, pinning bodies against me and restricting my movement; but I saw that the ringleader was still trying to get at me or the father if he could reach one of us. I could also see clearly that he had his fist clenched and intended to punch me if he could just free his arm. I knew then that if I could get enough space with one of my arms, I'd smash him in the face first, since that was clearly his design on me; but having limited movement, I only managed to clamp my right hand down on his face in something like a "claw hold" (my knowledge of which I owe to the ill-spent hours of my glorious 1970s youth watching the claw master himself: Baron von Raschke). The claw hold worked out better than I could have dreamed, as the punk could not seem to get my hand off. Squeezing as tightly as I could, I was able to shake his head up and down vigorously, back and forth, preventing him from throwing punches, as his head bobbed to and fro and the mash of people jostled us around. I should admit here that my execution of von Raschke's claw hold, after a lifetime out of practice, gave me considerable pleasure.
The punk was soon wrestling with a burly guy, who I was later told was a plainclothes cop (and armed). He had apparently struck the cop and made him bleed from his ear, putting himself in line for a felony charge, if I'm not mistaken. The punk's girlfriend was also throwing punches, but she was soon restrained by an impressive young guy who had been seated in the row ahead of me with his friend, both of them dressed in green but otherwise allied with civilization. He corralled her like a gentleman, recognizing that she was a woman, not a man. He wouldn't win any points for that among hard-core feminists, who resent such deference unless it takes place in corporate human-resources departments, universities, or White House Councils on Women and Girls.
Meanwhile, the pile had shifted ground, and I'd become blocked off from it and found it harder to see what was going on. But the train car was in an uproar as passengers implored the fighters to stop. The car shook as the train throttled forward at full speed beside the Hudson River. I heard the screaming little girl behind me, in her mother's arms, and her crying siblings, and then I and some others tried to move them further up the car away from the melee, which by now had achieved a weird kind of stasis. The father still looked like he wanted a piece of the punk, but by this point he'd rejoined his family. The conductors seemed to have vanished, and I wondered how we would restore order but miraculously, we soon screeched to a halt at our first station stop. The doors opened, and -- just like in the movies -- there were the cops. One of the conductors must have radioed ahead.
One cop asked me what the goons had done, and I said they were drunk and disorderly and starting fights, and then a shout went up from the car, sounding mostly like the women, urging the cops, "Get them off this train! Scaring children, bothering people…" The police hauled the green-clad hooligans off the train, except for one or two outliers who had been in their number but not participated in the chaos. One of them, looking like a perfect fool with dyed-green cornrows for hair, had been among the losers taunting the woman conductor earlier. Now for some reason Dweezil, as I'll call him, looked at me and said, "Sir, I'm so sorry." I told him to sit down and shut up, that he and his friends were gutless punks, that they ganged up on people when they had them outnumbered, that they were real impressive tough guys who taunted women conductors when their backs were turned. He protested his innocence and I said, "Sit down. You are done for the day. Nobody wants to hear more from you." Some people in the car laughed and clapped; I'd made more friends in ten minutes than in four miserable years of high school. Two older people thanked me -- a lady who asked if I was OK, and an old man who said: "Thank you for doing what I can't do anymore." I told him it was about time I did something, and he said, "The kids today…the lack of respect… the way they act…" He looked distraught. The family had gotten off the train when the cops had come, so I didn't have a chance to talk to them. But a new camaraderie prevailed in the car the rest of the way home. Some of us compared notes and filled in pieces of the story, much of which I hadn't seen. Even the parts I remembered seemed a blur.
Next year I'll work from home, though there's really no refuge. Last weekend, a pre-St. Patrick's Day "pub crawl" overran my little town, and another set of goons decorated our Main Street in shards of broken bottles. The police had to come make arrests for disorderly conduct, and another goon woman took a swing at a cop and now faces felony charges. Towns seem to find these pub crawls effective for bringing in revenue, which they surely are -- but then the revenue goes back out paying for police, legal processing, and clean up, not to mention the social costs of turning already-troubled small towns into benighted dystopias for an evening.
If I had absolute power for a day (and you'd better hope that day never comes), I'd suspend public funding and parade permits for all of these ethnic routs. The nation's broke, right? Good. Spend such allocated money solely on parades for Thanksgiving, the Fourth of July, Memorial Day, and Veterans Day, all unifying events that rarely see such thuggish behavior. Those latter two holidays also have the virtue of celebrating people not for their bloodlines, but their deeds. Those can't be honored enough, especially now, when so many Americans, myself included, will never know the first thing about what suffering American soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines endure. And of course, the more we're aware of others' suffering and sacrifice, the less likely we are to act poorly.
A few military parades, in fact, would do Dweezil and his cohorts a world of good. They ought to thank the people who make it possible for them to live safely in a land where, chances are, the most trouble they'll ever have is running afoul of some weary middle-aged guys who'd finally had enough.
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Ken Miller| 3.20.09 @ 6:41AM
Just goes to rove nothing good has ever been exported from Ireland, after all look at the Kennedy clan. Drunks murders and rapists.
Kitty| 3.20.09 @ 6:43AM
If only the GOP would do that (figuratively speaking) to the Dems for their thuggish behavior. I especially like the claw hold idea :)
Kenny| 3.20.09 @ 7:07AM
" but she was soon restrained by an impressive young guy who had been seated in the row ahead of me with his friend, both of them dressed in green but otherwise allied with civilization. "
What do you mean, "otherwise allied with civilization?" If you got a problem with the wearing of the green, you need to read some history.
So to and that anti-Irish bigot above, Ken Miller, all I can say is, "Erin go Bragh" -- Ireland forever!
WilliamInWien| 3.20.09 @ 7:59AM
In many cases, throwing a punch is ineffective as few punches land with accuracy. Much better to restrain via arm locks, chokes and yes, the claw. As a former New Yorker and of Irish heritage, I thought of March 17th as "amateur hour" for too many "observers", while the professionals marched and played music (myself included). Give up the Day? Only when there is a ban on all other such parades which, I beleive would violate our Constitution. Next year, try riding on the Staten Island Ferry in the late afternoon. Cheers! William
Jeff Anderson| 3.20.09 @ 9:00AM
Ken Miller boldly states, "Just goes to [p]rove nothing good has ever been exported from Ireland, after all look at the Kennedy clan. Drunks murders and rapists."
And here I would've never guess that Ronald Reagan, Henry Ford, Audie Murphy, Molly Pitcher, R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. & a host of others to be such despicible scofflaws.
I'm also wondering, how Ken Miller deduces that these thugs on the train were even 'Irish-Americans'? No Irish I know, or am related to, would ever act in this way.
Cuban Pete| 3.20.09 @ 9:23AM
Paul,
I've been an insurance adjuster for longer than I care to admit and have investigated many bar room fights. In the vast majorityof the cases it is the moron who started the fight and gets his butt whipped that finds a lawyer to sue his "assailant". In the future be careful because these pissants have no shame.
Crusader| 3.20.09 @ 9:41AM
Kenny, I think that when Paul said "allied with civilization" he meant they weren't demonstrating boorish behavior as the other revelers were. I don't think he meant it as a slight on all things Irish.
tom farrell| 3.20.09 @ 9:52AM
Let's get this straight. St Patrick's Day is a mini Spring Break for college kids. They have been shitting on our holiday for decades. Shame on anyone for not seeing that. It is actually a very significant American holiday because the parade itself honors Irishman that marched as a show of force through the streets of NYC in defiance of the British army. No ethnic group comes close to matching our love for America. What would you do without us? You should be thanking the Irish for our service to this country. Now Feck off!
d| 3.20.09 @ 10:11AM
Let's not blame the Irish for the misbehavior of today's youth . . . I've seen the same boorish behavior on unremarkable days of the year. St. Patrick's Day was just a convenient excuse for them to get drunk and act like idiots. But really, any day of the week will do for morons like those described in the article.
Bronson| 3.20.09 @ 10:19AM
By the look of some of the comments, Mr. Beston's article proves its point. This is not a slam piece on the Irish, who like the Italians, Scots, Germans and many others built this great nation. Mr. Beston's profound point is that our nation has become too "tribal", with people more proud of their ethnic origin than our identity as Americans. I am of Irish origin as well, 100% and this article does not offend me at all. What do I find offensive? The fact that more people attend this type of parade than they do the Memorial Parade or Veterans Day Parade.
As Chesty Puller once said, "this nation won't last forever...."
Thanks to people like Mr. Beston and his fellow commuters, we still have some fighting men left.
I'm looking forward to the Fourth.
Bronson
Evelyn| 3.20.09 @ 10:40AM
Paul Beston is not blaming Ireland for disgusting behavior here. He's calling out morons who look for an excuse to drink themselves into oblivion and act like jerks.
Though this made me think of a former co-worker of my husband--a ex-pat Irishman who is now an American citizen. He was very put off by Americans who were virulent in their Irish chauvinism--despite the fact they were probably third- and fourth-generation Americans. He held the Boston "Irish" in particular disdain. Their manners (or lack thereof) appalled him.
Joe| 3.20.09 @ 10:52AM
Very Good Beaston and Bronson. I agree 100%. I have Italian and German background and do not need a day or Parade to thank God I am American.
WilliamInWien| 3.20.09 @ 10:56AM
Thinking way back, I thought it was Killer Kowalski that used the 'claw' and wasn't he from Boston? It is OK, I remember the names of songs on the flip sides of 45s also.
Sheryl| 3.20.09 @ 11:05AM
Notwithstanding the thuggish behavior your article describes, as well as the belligerent tone of some of the responses here, the fact is that St. Patrick's Day is a saint's feast day, and was never intended, by the Irish or anyone else, to be a day to celebrate public drunkeness and threatening behavior. Please don't blame St. Patrick or Irish people in general. The blame lies soley with the punks you describe who use the good saint's day as an excuse for their awful behavior. The pleasures of celebrating Irish heritage on St. Patrick's Day should certainly not be taken away from the vast majority of people who know how to behave like grown-ups because of the tiny number of those who obviously do not.
Roy| 3.20.09 @ 11:23AM
If all multicultobabble meant was more ethnic parades I wouldn't mind. My last Irish ancestors came here over 100 years ago but so? Are conservatives really telling people to forget where they came from?
The problem is when it turns from that to despising where you are now and angrily demanding handouts.
rr| 3.20.09 @ 11:40AM
I had never heard of this before. But I live in a state that allows the possession and carrying of firearms!
J.C.Eaton| 3.20.09 @ 12:27PM
William, Nah, the Baron was the master of the claw. And with all due respect, I think The Killer was from Milwaukee. I know Dick the Bruiser and Da Crusher were. Best,
J.C.Eaton| 3.20.09 @ 12:30PM
William, by the way, what was the song on the other side of the Bill Justis great:Raunchy? Best,
Rick Beston| 3.20.09 @ 1:11PM
What's with the racist Irish-bashing commentary from the first poster, Ken Miller ? Doesn't he know the author is Irish himself ? I'm Irish, and I never raped or murdered anyone (can't say I never been drunk though, but hey, 2/3 ain't bad...). We Irish are violent people, Ken, I might have to hunt you down and administer a little Baron von Rashe treatment on your monkey-arse, maybe that will improve your attitude...
Akaky| 3.20.09 @ 2:13PM
You should have taken the 5:52 to Poughkeepsie, Rick. No trouble whatsoever; the train was full of people going home from work; and the conductor, whom I suspect was the same woman you wrote about in your piece, let everyone know before the train had left the station that she wouldn't hesitate to call the cops if there was any trouble. I got stuck on the Animal House car on the way down to the city, which I will be eternally not grateful for, and I trust that the City Council will make sure that we have seen the last of the pub crawl.
Smaj| 3.20.09 @ 3:26PM
Good work, Mr Beston. And the Baron ruled!
The Chieftain| 3.20.09 @ 3:41PM
Paul, for everyone's sake involved, stay away from Marti Gras...
Tmattfitz| 3.20.09 @ 4:30PM
Feel better after your splenetics, Mr. Miller? Your ignorance amazes me, as does the that of the staff at American Spectator, who allowed such patently bigoted remarks to be posted. Imagine if similar comments were made regarding other ethnic groups who are far more prominent in terrorizing, annoying and offending innocent citizens each and every day of the year throughout our once-great land. Oh, and "Evelyn", if it weren't for the American Irish your husband so distains he'd be a second-class British subject mucking out stables for some dissipitous absentee landlord
Angel| 3.20.09 @ 9:38PM
Don't ban St. Patty's Day, ban the punks' thuggish behavior. I'm Scottish, but I love to celebrate March 17th. No one's gonna take this celebration away from us. No one.
Bill Croke| 3.20.09 @ 11:58PM
A fine piece full of vivid chaos. Reminded me of some great piece of sportswriting. And it looks like a sporting time was had by all.
Starry Night| 3.21.09 @ 12:49AM
Yeah, look on the bright side. I would have liked to smack that foul-mouthed girl, though. She got off too easy!
Paul Kersey| 3.21.09 @ 6:23AM
At the end of the day, a man has to protect himself and his family. Kudos to Mr. Beston for looking out for his fellow man. Most people sit back and wait for it to end, some people take the law into their own hands.... a little frontier justice... that's what Andrew Jackson called it. Old Hickory of course was of Irish/Scots decent and I'm sure he would have backed Mr. Beston.
As far as I'm concerned, all law abiding citizens should be armed with something and all reckless scum bags should meet justice up close... in any form.
Walk softly and carry a Big Stick.
Paul Kersey
WilliamInWien| 3.21.09 @ 9:34AM
Mr. Eaton, Sir, you have me at a disadvantage! The term "raunchy" had a sexual connotation according to the good nuns at St. Patrick's Elementary School. We were not supposed to use that word and I was not allowed to buy the Sun label recording and do not know the flip side. My knowledge of wrestling on B/W TV was limited to sneaking peeks when Mom/Dad were not around. Despite these limitations, I was never a rowdy celebrant on St. Patricks Day. William
ruth| 3.21.09 @ 11:44AM
No one messed with the Irish-Catholic nuns at my grade school. They would have made short work of those punks on the train. :)
Deselby| 3.21.09 @ 2:28PM
Well, thanks for standing up for decency, Mr. Beston. I share the feeling about St. Patrick's Day, it's amateur hour and has been way overblown as a boozefest, shamelessly promoted as such by booze manufacturers. I'm second-generation Irish-American, and my father would take us to mass, buy the shamrocks soldat the church, but never got involved in the boozing.
Paul Kersey, I bet those punks would have really regretted messing with you!
SoberHorseThief| 3.21.09 @ 8:08PM
Good job! The wife's Port Jervis train was ugly but no fights broke out.
If your angle was different you could have employed the Camel Clutch or, even better, the Sleeper, but your use of the Claw is admirable.
F. Dillon| 3.22.09 @ 9:27PM
Very glad you are upholding some decent standards of behavior, and also keeping the Baron's legacy alive in the postmodern web age.
chris phelan| 3.23.09 @ 3:11PM
I too mastered the VonRasche brain claw as a youth; I found it to be particularly effective when contemporaneously drooling upon the face of the downed opponent.
MFS| 3.23.09 @ 4:26PM
Bah! Three years on NJ Transit and I finally learned to work from home that day.
Many of the commenters hold the rationalization that it's a handful of underage cretins ruining a good time for everyone else.
This may be true in some parts of the country, but in the NY Metro Area, it’s the vast majority that just take leave of their senses. I have witnessed fights like those described, but also watched in horror as a mother cheered on her young son chugging a beer - then raised her fists in triumph and cheered while the boy - no more than ten - vomited explosively. The next year had an extended family loudly sharing a joint behind me - four kids in their teens, mom, dad and grandma(!) NY can be very permissive, but in almost twenty years working in Manhattan, I have never seen a prouder display of lawlessness than St. Pat's day each year.
Some commenters seem to think this is somehow an Irish problem. While anecdotes aren't evidence, I can say that that NONE of the hooligans I ever encountered was Irish. Not a one. Just jerks of every stripe. Jerks who pull their kids out of school to get blotto in public.
It was truly like the last days of Rome and one of the last straws that got me to pick up and move.
skuter777| 7.15.09 @ 7:49AM
Some commenters seem to think this is somehow an Irish problem. While anecdotes aren't evidence, I can say that that NONE of the hooligans I ever encountered was Irish. Not a one. Just jerks of every stripe. Jerks who pull their kids out of school to get blotto in public.
It was truly like the last days of Rome and one of the last straws that got me to pick up and move.
borov| 7.17.09 @ 12:34AM
It was truly like the last days of Rome and one of the last straws that got me to pick up and move.
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