Today, October 12, is Spain’s National Day and I celebrate it here with my dear American readers with two times the pride: for being Spanish and for having been insulted by Joe Biden. To be scorned by the dumbest president…
I broke the tap. I’m not playing games with this virus. I was disinfecting it with the hammer and the handle came off. Now I can’t stop the trickle, relentless as a tax collector. I called the plumber. But nothing…
You know you’re a little tense when you’re able to play a Safri Duo hit simply resting your index finger on the underside of a bucket. Spending so long on lockdown affects the nervous system. Irregular appetite, screaming outbursts, and…
They say you have to train your brain. I did a sudoku today and had to call 911 with a brain cell tangled up in my pancreas. I think my coconut burned out. Now every time I add up, I…
To start with I got up late, just for the pleasure of hitting the snooze button 74 times. It’s wonderful when you push it, you stretch out, and your toes crack. Heaven must be something like that. I made myself…
I’m so bored, I spent the morning going around the house breaking light bulbs with a hammer, just so I’d have something to fix. Then I took the ladder out and spent two hours replacing them, cursing the spiteful bastard…
Instagrammers are a thing of the past. Influencers are dead. YouTubers are all but forgotten. Meeting someone on Tinder sounds about as modern as sending a telegram. And if your answer is “OK boomer,” you’re more outdated than Woody Allen’s…
After spending the whole night going over the plan, I finally leave the house at 9:01 a.m., wearing a long coat, fisherman’s boots, a raincoat, a swimming cap under a moscovite ushanka, a pair of diving goggles, latex gloves, woolly…
The more time I spend at home, the more bad things happen to me. We thought that having an untidy home was tragic, but then we tried to make it too tidy. Today at midday, I started making mashed cabbage….