Coronavirus in Spain Archives - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
by | May 16, 2020

I went to see my nutritionist and got stuck in the door. The receptionist, a beauty of Italian descent, offered to help me. “Maybe I put on a few extra pounds during quarantine” — that’s all I managed to offer…

by | Apr 24, 2020

I looked in the mirror today. I look like the Lion King. I haven’t had this much hair on my head since I was 12. Unable to cut it, I’m beginning to think about directing its growth somewhere, probably towards…

by | Mar 28, 2020

The more time I spend at home, the more bad things happen to me. We thought that having an untidy home was tragic, but then we tried to make it too tidy. Today at midday, I started making mashed cabbage….

by | Mar 26, 2020

I’ve started to hatch an egg. I only have three more left in the carton. I spend six hours a day squatting in chicken position with a blanket to keep the egg at exactly 29 degrees Celsius (84.2 degrees Fahrenheit)…

by | Mar 24, 2020

My mouse isn’t eating. Maybe I should unplug it from the computer and take it for a walk. Looking out the window I see the lawyer from down the road walking a leash without a dog. I’m not sure whether…

by | Mar 21, 2020

The room is nine paces long. The corridor, seven. The kitchen, five. My bedroom, four. The bathroom, two. There are 32 tiles in the bathroom. Fourteen handles in the living room. Six stains on the kitchen ceiling. And 30,219 feathers…

by | Mar 20, 2020

I wake up so peacefully. I’ve forgotten about the crisis, the coronavirus and everything about the blasted situation. So I’m a little shocked when I stumble into the living room, one eye still stuck shut, my pajamas twisted uncomfortably into…

by | Mar 19, 2020

Local supermarket, my last shopping trip. The store is packed, but the shelves are empty. I spy the last jar of La Vieja Fábrica apricot jam on the shelf. It’s mine. As I stride forwards to grasp it, a beautiful…

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