George Washington Plunkitt

Dr. George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, has recently retired from a staff position with the House Ethics Committee and is working on his memoirs. But he has graciously consented to once again advise American statesmen in these times of trouble. Address all correspondence to The Bootblack Stand, c/o The American Spectator. 

Of Aliens and Isolationists

 

Mr. Plunkitt— In expectation of runnin’ for president, I’ve been workin’ with a language coach. But I still keep gettin’ tripped up. The other day I was at a nice Dallas café, and I ordered two Buds Lite and the chef’s special paninus. The waiter looked at me funny and then asked me to meet […]

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Of Winning Chaps and Wagging Dogs

 

Mr Plunkitt— We beat the gormless bastards! At last a taste of victory has passed our lips, with a great, stonking win for UKIP! The night results were announced was one for the history books. Everyone at the party was decked out in purple. I must’ve had fifteen bacon rolls, six or seven cartons of […]

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The Bootblack Stand

 

P— Yes, a few weeks ago, I did tell the U.S. Hispanic Chamber of Commerce that the president has basically put me in charge of the Western Hemisphere. And yes, I did tell the annual conference of the National Association of Dental Hygienists that in a past life I was a Mexican professional wrestler named […]

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The Bootblack Stand

 

George— Us athletes have had it up to here. We work hard to practice and play while our schools make tons of money. Some of us do really good in classes and graduate and get jobs with personal training and sports medicine. And we deserve to be paid and join a unison for collectible bargaining. […]

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The Bootblack Stand

 

Meezter Plunkitt— Russkiyes haf at loong last had zair time in sun: In recent games, ve von sirty-sree metals to United States’ tventy-eight. As yoo might say in American trash talk…booyah babushka! But vaat to do vis meeself now? Olympics haf left Sochi, and vis zem also vent telly cameras. My ministeers must arrange for […]

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Of Chocolate and Cheez Wiz

 

Mr. Plunkitt— People freaked a few weeks ago when I pointed out that Republicans have a hard time in New York. Granted, my phrasing might’ve been a bit indelicate, but this phony outrage is unwarranted. I feel like doubling down. You don’t like our tax rates? Get out.  Don’t think a woman should have the […]

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The Bootblack Stand

 

Mr. Plunkitt— The press has latched on to my announcement that Amazon plans to use drones for delivery, but I don’t think they’ve quite grasped the significance. By stationing pods of the small aircraft throughout major metropolitan areas, we can get average delivery time down to about two minutes. Imagine the possibilities! About to be […]

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Of Condiments and Redskins

 

Dear Mr. Plunkitt— I went to Healthcare.gov to see what all the fuss was about. Big mistake. First of all, by accident I initially typed in Healthcare.lov, which—lo and behold!—hosts an explicit website for those who find amorous appeal in stethoscopes and inflating blood pressure armbands. When I finally got to the correct website, I […]

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Of Dibs and Davises

 

Dr. George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, has recently retired from a staff position with the House Ethics Committee and is working on his memoirs. But he has graciously consented to once again advise American statesmen in these times of trouble. Address all correspondence to plunkitt@spectator.org.  Dr. Plunkitt— A foreign leader is blithely discarding […]

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Of Jinxes and Meat Pies

 

Dr. Plunkitt— A foreign leader is blithely discarding international norms, and the United States must send a message that this is not acceptable. Yes, I’m talking about Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow, the president of Turkmenistan. A few weeks ago, at a summit on climate change, we were heading for the same UN towncar, and Mr. Berdimuhamedow got […]

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