Andrew Simmons

Andrew Simmons is a writer in San Francisco.

Going Out in the Midday Gym


Two years ago, I took one long look in the mirror and decided to join a gym. There was nothing wrong with my shape. I was lean, just shy of invisibility. My diet was moderately healthy by Northern California standards, if inclined to favor cans of beer in large quantity and late-night taco truck offerings. […]

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Weakling Afternoon in San Fran


SAN FRANCISCO — I look at my friends and see they are all weaklings. Pale, soft, and cursed with amusingly spindly legs — they sit in ragged little heaps very close to the large television screen in the living room of a crowded apartment, chain-smoking and furiously draining bright red beer cans. None of these […]

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Dressed to Kill


SAN FRANCISCO — Most of the country probably couldn’t care less about this city’s mayoral race. Quite frankly, the issues at stake don’t play in Peoria. Most who live even a few miles outside of this city tend to write off the local political scrapes as little more than quirky high-stakes theater. In fact, I […]

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The Perfect Thursday


SAN FRANCISCO — Thanksgiving is a model holiday. I’d even go so far as to proclaim it perfect. Neither the cynics who snub such sickly Hallmark classics as Sweetheart’s Day and the even more loathsome Boss’ Day, nor the atheists who neglect the faith-based heavyweights at the other end of the spectrum, can deny Thanksgiving’s […]

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Recreational Bluegrass


SAN FRANCISCO — It was noon at Golden Gate Park and the bikers were making their move. Encouraged by their buddies, two of them, one bulbous and the other brown and stringy like beef jerky, slid between the pretty blonde and her Ken doll boyfriend. Ken laughed nervously as the skinny biker clapped him on […]

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