A Modest Pyramid Scheme

Thanks to a firestorm of prissy hypocrisy about Donald Trump’s naughty talk, stoked up by stories from women who suddenly recall rebuffing him decades ago, issues like national security, Obamacare, and the economy are being ignored. This isn’t accidental. Hillary Clinton has a terrible record. There’s her illegal home server and her 30,000 purged emails. They were, she claimed, about her mother’s funeral, her daughter’s wedding, missives to her hubby, or notes on yoga classes. You could bury someone 600 feet deep, marry off all the willing women 18 to 80 in Chappaqua, have those wives connubially chat with their husbands for years, and yoga yourself into enlightened Silly Putty™ with fewer emails. Nothing classified in them, she claimed, but then there was. And so far, those recovered haven’t mentioned yoga.

Then, there’s the six-figure speeches that, it’s said, with a straight face, didn’t buy favors. The Clintons, who left Washington “broke,” now are worth $111 million. And there’s Bill, who paid $850,000 for sexually harassing Paula Jones, lied to America about Monica with all the sincerity his pointy finger possessed, flew on a pedophile’s jet to a private island where under-aged girls did things any-aged girls shouldn’t do, and was accused of rape. Instead of boiling cringing in response to this sleaze, the Clinton camp got the brazen idea of turning Bill’s bad mojo around and aiming it at Trump. Clinton would go unchallenged under this mendacious smokescreen.

Secretary of State Clinton was responsible for the Libya disaster and the Benghazi massacre. She went along with Obama’s removal of troops from Iraq and his Syrian “red line.” These actions turned these areas into Mad Max theme parks for terrorists who have committed ghastly barbarities and sent thousands of refugees swarming into Europe. Clinton wants to welcome a large portion of this tidal wave into the U.S., with no way to identify any terrorists who might surf in on it. She claims they will be well vetted, but no one in the vetting business believes this possible. The she-terrorist of San Bernardino, for example, was supposedly vetted. In return for her husband’s co-workers giving her a baby shower, she shot up their Christmas party, butchering the infidels who had given her stuffed animals and novelty onesies. Clinton also supports the nuclear deal with Iran, which gives the mullahs billions and will allow them to develop atomic bombs and ICBMs to deliver to a neighborhood near you.

Clinton supports Obamacare, which forces Americans to pay thousands more for thousands less in health insurance. She wants to fix it with taxes extracted from “The Rich” and corporations. The wealthy already pay the bulk of federal taxes, but we are supposed to feel a warm glow of satisfied envy if Richie Rich is forced to grease his toast points with discount caviar. There are about one thousand billionaires in America. Confiscating a billion from each would fetch a trillion dollars, $300 million short of what Obamacare is projected to cost by 2026.

Taxes are a cost of business for corporations, like steel for an auto company or rubber for a rubber chicken manufacturer. Businesses must cover costs or go out of business, so they pass tax costs on to consumers by raising the price of their products. You pay those ‘corporate’ taxes, which you may also pay with your job. Raising costs makes American products more expensive than those from other countries. Corporations that can’t sell their products fail, and their employees lose their jobs. If corporate taxes, already higher than rival nations, and bad trade deals make it cheaper for a corporation to move a factory to another country, that’s what they do. Ford is now building a factory in Mexico — and when was the last time you saw an American-made rubber chicken?

As an indicator of how bad things are, over 94 million Americans aren’t in the workforce. The Greek historian Herodotus wrote that it took 100,000 Egyptians 20 years to build Khufu’s Great Pyramid. If we put those non-working Americans to work building pyramids using bronze tools and muscle (they’re more Gaia-friendly than modern tech), 94 million Americans could build 940 pyramids in 20 years, or 18 for every state in the Union, with 40 left over. We could also put a dozen in the Virgin Islands, Guam, and Puerto Rico, one on either side of the White House like bookends, and, as a friendly gesture, construct a couple in Canada (Mexico already has pyramids). We’d be “America: The Land of Nearly a Thousand Pyramids.” You might argue that pyramids would be a waste of labor, but isn’t that what’s happening with those workers doing nothing? At least with the pyramid scheme, we’d get some nice landmarks.

Ed Morrow is a writer who lives in Vermont.

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