Back in August, Cosmopolitan, the magazine women can count on to deliver their monthly, non-ironic quota of self-esteem cracking diet tips alongside endless articles about how the culture pressures women to be skinny and perfect, decided that it was going to make a foray into politics. After all, if there was anything women needed to help them break into the Patriarchical political system, it was a tome partially devoted to instructing women on how to perform bizarre and humiliating sex acts (MAJOR content warning on that link, obviously). Of course, as Cosmo told Politico, their audience of low-information female voters have to get their political advice from somewhere, so it may as well be from the magazine they read in the hour or so it takes for their hair color to set.
Their first initiative is called #CosmoVotes, and it launched with a photo of Beyonce, whose political expertise is renowned, particularly in light of her anniversary trip to Cuba, which she and husband Jay-Z proclaimed to be a paradise for artists, except when those artists are jailed or killed. The second was a series of Cosmopolitan endorsements, made by the magazine’s editorial board, of candidates who fit lock-step with a clearly Democratic agenda, because, it seems, Cosmopolitan only thinks people who support abortion, gun control, state-mandated equal pay schemes and free contraception read their magazine (they might be right, given the intellectual level of their subject matter). The third, is a video, supposedly designed to inspire intelligent, thinking female voters to turn out to the polls in the midterm elections.
Naturally, as most content directed to intelligent, thinking female political consumers, it features (eventually) shirtless male strippers gyrating around in leather pants with American flags sticking out of their crotches.
It amazes me that women continue to believe that magazines like Cosmopolitan have their best interests at heart. First of all, CosmoVotes might be the only publication in history to openly endorse Wendy Davis, which means you can’t take anything they say seriously. Then, their top story on their home page is 1,000 words on what celebrities think about sexy Halloween costumes (spoiler alert: they both like and don’t like them, depending on the celebrity). THEN, they suggest you buy liquid concealer for your under-eye circles which is abolutely ridiculous. Only cake concealer ever really does the trick. But honestly. The War on Women has devolved into a complete war on women’s intelligence.
I’m the first to admit that my fairer gender has some ticks that might lead you to believe we’re more easily swayed at the ballot box. After all, the Obama campaign managed to convince millions of my fellow Millennial females that a vote for Mitt Romney would mean that all contraception would be locked up behind pharmacy counters, to be doled out only after a consultation with a panel of religious leaders who determined your baby-making prowess, like this were some sort of dystopic Margaret Atwood novel (or for that matter, a terrifying shortage of condoms). But you can’t let a few bad apples spoil the bunch. The majority of female voters are thoughtful, considerate and intelligent decision-makers who analyze their candidates with more than just their ladyparts and post-graduate lack of responsibility. Cosmopolitan may think they can get away with treating women like idiots – after all, it’s practically their editorial policy – but come on.