Obamacare’s record enrollment numbers decreased by one yesterday with the resignation of the most powerful woman in Washington, Ms. Kathleen Sebelius. She wasn’t fired, lest unemployment numbers increased by one. In the end, then, balance was achieved, the only logical explanation for her bizarre comment on announcing her resignation, “My balance has always been, when do you make that decision?” Unless she was referring to her checkbook balance, or previous interest in performing on the balance beam. Or just walking a tightrope.
We’ll miss her, for reasons yet to be determined. Perhaps we fear her successor won’t be as competent and caring. Or maybe we’ve experienced too many resignations of late. Or as we should say, adhering to HHS guidelines, there’s been too much loss in our lives.
Start with Lois Lerner, a.k.a. Miss Conduct. Then there are Dave Letterman, departing from his Late Night duties, and Stephen Colbert, abandoning Jon Stewart. Next is the University of Kentucky, one and done and expelled, followed by the Notre Dame women, no longer undefeated after a bad experience against a team coached by a non-woman, who’s not as classy as the former coach of the great Tennessee teams, according to the Notre Dame coach, who clearly was off her rocker engaging in such gamesmanship before her team’s showdown against said non-classy, non-woman coach. Now it’s too late for Ms. Fighting Irish to turn a new page and find the inner piece so well articulated by the departing Ms. Sebelius. “If I could take something along with me,” she said, it would be “all the animosity. If that could just leave with me, and we could get to a new chapter, that would be terrific.” In the private sector we call it Chapter XI. In government it’s never a new chapter, just old hat. On Kathleen’s head, it always looked shiny, if gray.
Looking ahead, we can see Messrs. Hagel and Kerry tiptoeing in her wake. Chuckles got chewed out by his Chinese counterpart the other day. In happier times it would have been an act of war. Now it’s enough that his reputation is as shot as a take-out carton of leftover chop suey. As for Jean-François, his former Senate colleagues have taken to treating him more dismissively than does his disdainful post-Soviet counterpart, Sergey Lavrov, the only bespectacled bear in the Russian government. Though some would say he bears a stronger resemblance to leading New York Times columnist, Mr. David Brooks. Rimless specs may be the reason. Plus Mr. Brooks smiles in his photos, a facial expression Sergey has yet to master, knowing he has little more to look forward to in life than another visit from Secretary Kerry, who never plies him with spirits.
It’s good, at any rate, to see Mr. Brooks smile. There once was a time when he would have had less reason to, namely back when he was often mistaken for Mr. David Brock. Now that Brock is less famous, Brooks is home free, while Brock is suddenly championed by former New York Times personnel like Mr. Frank Rich, who in his latest New York magazine pensées defends the Clintons by pouring scorn on the right’s championing of Troopergate. As he resurrects that scandal he neglects to include one key detail — his outing of Mr. Brock as payback on behalf of the Clintons. Today that’s all poisoned water under the Mozilla bridge, and in keeping with our nation’s growing inequality Rich merely becomes Richer. Vitriolically speaking, of course.
Inequality has its uses. The other day Mr. Brooks’ paper reported that Stanford University has taken it to envious heights. Seems it leads the nation in applicant rejections, accepting barely 5 percent of the young geniuses hoping to attend the Palo Alto academy. It’s the lowest acceptance rate in world history, with other elite schools not far behind. We can only hope next year’s rate will dip to 4 percent, then maybe to 3 percent and so on. By the year 2020, we expect to see Stanford & Co. accepting no one.
What might be done with the rejects? Well, there’s always UCSB, a good party school a few hundred miles down the coast from Palo Alto. Last weekend the place was in riot mode, as its annual “Deltopia” got out hand after students completed their course work on drink and drugs, the leading dual major offered at the school.
UCSB’s faculty is no less engaged. Recently we came across Associate Professor Mireille Miller-Young, of the department of Feminist Studies. A week ago she pleaded not guilty on theft, battery, and vandalism charges, after she allegedly pummeled a few pro-life protesters on campus. No doubt she had other things on her mind during this exhibition of the new tolerance. Seriously. She is after all a leading authority on feminist pornography and recently appeared as a panelist at a University of Toronto conference on the subject. It’s hard work and somebody’s got to do it. Even if in the end Prof. MMY is our EOW. Will there be a new round of riots?