A troubled young thing communicates with the famed Internet advice columnist “Dear Prudence,” anterior to entering the blissful world of divorce court for years to come. I think this inquiry came from a recent graduate of Harvard State University:
My boyfriend “Ted” and I have been together for nine months, and we’ve been living together for the last six (yes, I realized that we moved in together very fast). We support each other, share responsibilities well, and have an active and engaging sex life. I see myself spending the rest of my life with Ted. Ted has a sexual bucket list, and No. 1 is a threesome. He mentions wanting to have a threesome at least a few times a week, and points out various women in my life, like my co-workers, as potentially the third participant. At this point, I’m incredibly uncomfortable engaging in a threesome, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Ted says that a threesome is something he would do only before we’re married, because after that it would be weird.
(January 14, 2014)
A famous old American monthly convenes a panel of respected members of the intelligentsia, among them Hugh Hefner and Andrew Knowlton, restaurant and drinks editor of Bon Appetit, and poses thetimeless question: “What party would you most like to have attended?” Here is how that perfect dinkelspiel, Miss Sally Quinn, responded:
Sally Quinn, journalist, The Washington Post
The Last Supper was the most intimate moment of the world’s most fascinating man. Did Jesus understand that the bread and wine would one day be the symbols of Communion? Was Mary Magdalene there? It’s interesting that Jesus chose, in his last hours, to have a party.
New York Review of Books
A sampling of the kind of facetiae that awaits readers of the NYRB if they will only turn to its famed classified page:
EROTIC EXPLOSION—Let me blow your mind, your ultimate erogenous zone. Provocative talk with educated beauty. No limits. (866) 540-7588.
AURAL EROTICA with a naughty raconteur. Uninhibited, unhurried, kinky fun and fetish-friendly. Elizabeth: (800) 717-LIZZ (5499).
GreenSingles.com—Meet single book lovers who value green living, natural health, personal growth, spirituality.
SENSUAL SPACE: attentive, sensitive full-body touch by elegant, empathetic woman. (212) 362-8176.
(February 6, 2014)
Authoritative gibberish on an esoteric subject that defies human comprehension while thrilling the aged hipsters that read the Nation, often with their hearing aids turned off:
In looking over the year-end lists, it is hard not to reflect back on the ’90s. Enthusiasts of refined taste will recall the decade for modern rock (né alt-rock) or hip-hop’s second golden age or perhaps the slow, intractable rise of electronic dance music. For all that, the span from 1989 to 2001 was given over to another music entirely. The fall of the Evil Empire and the seeming economic restoration that followed provided the context and the tonality. This was America’s belle époque, the false summer’s gold disguising a deepening autumn that had begun around 1973. The music was teenpop, named as much for its consumers as purveyors. By any measure, it stood over those dappled days like no single genre has ever dominated an era. We were children then. Or, somebody was.
(January 27, 2014)
A news report of the trend-setting movement that is sweeping the youth of our country and ensuring that plenty of talent is available for the Green Berets, the SEALs, and special ops wherever they are needed:
On high school and college campuses, the growing visibility of a small, but semantically committed cadre of young people who…self-identify as “gender-queer”—neither male nor female but an androgynous hybrid or rejection of both—is challenging the limits of Western comprehension and the English language.
Though still in search of mainstream acceptance, students and staff members who describe themselves in terms such as agender, bigender, third gender or gender-fluid are requesting—sometimes finding—linguistic recognition.
Inviting students to state their preferred gender pronouns, known as PGPs for short, and encouraging classmates to use unfamiliar ones such as ‘ze,’ ‘sie,’ ‘e,’ ‘ou,’ and ‘ve’ has become an accepted back-to-school practice for professors, dorm advisers, club sponsors and health care providers at several schools.
(December 1, 2013)
New York Times
On a morning that saw nine inches of snow pile up in New York City and a high of 23 degrees, the delusional Times reports on the equally delusional Secretary of State Jean-François Kerry’s fantastical trip to Vietnam or Disneyland or possibly the far side of the moon:
As a young naval officer in Vietnam, John Kerry commanded a Swift boat up the dangerous rivers of the Mekong Delta. But when he returned there last month as secretary of state for the first time since 1969, he spoke not of the past but of climate change….
His goal is to become the lead broker of a global climate treaty in 2015 that will commit the United States and other nations to historic reductions in fossil fuel pollution.
(January 3, 2014)
And from that same revered American monthly more slop, this time from Peter Beinart, corrupter of America’s youth:
Like countless other middle-aged American men, some of my happiest childhood memories involve watching professional sports with my dad. So it was an unexpected delight when my eight-year-old, previously largely indifferent to my New England Patriots obsession, showed sudden interest a few weeks ago. Last Saturday night, he proudly dug out a long-unused Patriots jersey and joined me on the couch late into the night as the Patriots dispatched the Indianapolis Colts.
It was wonderful. And it made me a little sick.
It made me sick because I could see the game through his eyes. And it wasn’t pretty. My son, unfamiliar with the NFL’s pieties, assumed that hurting the other team’s players was the goal. To his untutored eye, the violence that guilt-ridden fans like myself decry was a feature, not a bug. He didn’t cheer the injuries; he’s too sweet for that. But despite my insistence to the contrary, I suspect the message he took from the experience was: The only thing you need to know about the large man writhing in agony on the screen is whether he’s on our team.
(January 16, 2014)
New York Times
The increasingly preposterous Times tests the outer limits of New Yorkers’ credulity:
Months of investigations by the New York Times, centered on extensive interviews with Libyans in Benghazi who had direct knowledge of the attack there and its context, turned up no evidence that Al Qaeda or other international terrorist groups had any role in the assault.
(December 28, 2013)