Editor’s Note: Yesterday, the Prowler, after an item that mentioned ex-prez Bill Clinton’s reported hope to have a part of the new Democratic National Committee headquarters named after him, we asked readers the following: “What part of the DNC building or any other important structure would you attach Bill Clinton’s name to? Send your suggestions to The Prowler c/o of Reader Mail, below. And please, nothing X-rated.” Or plumbing-related, we should have added.
What else? In the spirit of taking out the (white) trash, the Dumpsters.
— Jim Stevenson
My suggestion: Name the walk-in humidor after Bill Clinton.
— Michael Albrecht
It is not very original, but the answer is obvious. It should be the William Jefferson Clinton Ladies’ Restroom.
— Ralph Tuggle
How about the William Jefferson Clinton john!
The lady’s restroom would be a perfect room to bear Mr. Clinton’s name.
The men’s room sink should be named for Bill Clinton.
— Paul Hensler
Let’s name the bathroom sink after him.
— Mary Grace Yonts
The Bill Clinton Memorial Sperm Bank.
Las Vegas would be an excellent place to “honor” Mr. Clinton. Given the practice there of re-creating well known world structures, perhaps the Bill Clinton Leaning Tower of Pisa would be appropriate.
— J. Shenk
One of the sinks in one of the private bathrooms, of course.
— Steve Cazad
— Robert Butch Todd
The vomitorium for the auditorium where spectators are discharged.
— Don Mueller
The women’s rest rooms, of course!
— Ralph E. Doyle
Perhaps they could put Bill Clinton’s name on the cigar lounge?
A dedicated men’s urinal? These are tactless, classless, obvious suggestions — just like the man himself. I apologize for the lack of original thought.
— Sherilyn Ketchen
The William Jefferson Clinton Heating System. (But only if the system is “Forced Hot Air.”)
— Allen Czerkiewicz
The William Jefferson Clinton Memorial Women’s Restroom, First Aid Station and Sewer.
— David Osterloh
Maria Stein, OH
(1) The cigar room (or at least the humidor).
(2) The Dry Cleaning shop — a way to ensure stains are removed promptly.
(3) The Men’s Room.
— Carl Murphy
Thanks for the update on the new DNC headquarters building. I haven’t seen any mention of a Lincoln Bedroom in the plans for the new DNC building. Do you think this oversight will be corrected, or are they upgrading to a new and improved Clinton Bedroom?
— Henry Hughes
Mercer Island, WA
How about The William Jefferson Clinton Commemorative Lavatory Sink.
— Jim Rothe
This contest is way too easy. Could anything be more perfect than The William Jefferson Clinton Ladies Room at the DNC Building? Kinda like shooting fish in a barrel!
— Gina Graham
How about a bathroom?
— Rick Henson
They should name all bathroom facilities after him.
— Bill Derexson
The William Jefferson Clinton Third Stall from the Left
— Jim Baratta
I think that it would be appropriate to place a brass plaque with the name of William Jefferson Clinton on the entrance doors to all climatically controlled cigar selection rooms in the upscale smoke shops around the country. This would serve as a constant reminder of how inventive our, fortunately, former President has been throughout his years of service to the American people.
— Doxie Kay
Name the women’s bathroom after Clinton.
How about the William Jefferson Clinton hallway (outside the bathroom)? Or the WJC Cigar Centre? Or the WJC tacky souvenir shop?
— Amy Lyons
Which part of the new DNC HQ should be named after the 42nd President?
A tough one — first choice is a tie between the sink area in the men’s
rooms and the room full of shredders (Constitution not included).
Then again, let’s take advantage of this historic opportunity and name the sewage treatment facilities after him and his wife. Seems
— J. Tomakin
Berkeley, CA (yes, THAT Berkeley)
— Build a good ol’ Arkansas outhouse in the back and put his name on the door.
— W. Humphress
As any visitor to Pompeii and Herculaneum knows, the apposite architectural feature for the DNC’s headquarters would be the William Jefferson Clinton Venereum.*
— Bill W.
*From “The Secret Cabinet,” César Famin, Paris, 1836:
“Among the well-to-do persons there was a retreat consecrated solely to the worship of Venus; the Greeks called it Aphrodision and the Latins, Venereum. It was preceded by a sort of antechamber (procoeton) where the cubicular slave lodged. His employment was to watch over the safety of this chapel of love; he drove away intruders; and he kept in a casket the shoes, which were an object of great luxury with the Roman ladies, and which they often laid aside during the day, even before sitting down to table: the slave bringing them when wanted out of the casket in which he had placed them. Plautus calls these servants Sandaligerulæ and Menander Sandalothekas.
“The cubicular slave was also entrusted with the bringing of the water and the perfumes for ablutions.
“It is in places like these that erotic paintings have been discovered.
“The use of obscene (sic) representations was frequent in antiquity. There were few houses without some of those lascivious paintings which the Greeks called grylli and the Latins libidines. Two painters, Polignotes and Parrhasius, are often referred to by Pausanias and Pliny as having excelled in this kind of composition.”
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