What’s your pleasure today? Foreign or domestic? Northwestern or northeastern? Midwestern or Southern? Northern Iraq or southern New Jersey?
We didn’t think it would happen so soon, that Florida would recede into the nostalgic past. But when it’s Democrats your dealing with, everything is possible. Which is not to say we’re not tremendously dismayed by the Third World thuggery that has replaced rule of law in lovely Trenton, N.J. True, we knew Robert Torricelli needed to be removed in favor of less desperately corrupt. But did his successor have to be a retiree who, as his name suggests, can only claim that he is not a lout? Particularly since New Jersey already had a well-tested public official in the wings previously appointed by Gov. McGreevey to a prestigious post. Unlike the tight-lipped Lautenberg, this public figure knows how to proclaim from the rooftops, is battle-tested, and has never avoided from the most controversial public issues of our day. What’s more, he doesn’t allow himself to be bullied, and doesn’t even require phone calls from Bill Clinton to buck him up. So, Gov. McGreevey and all you Jersey mafiasullis, why didn’t you choose Amiri Baraka to be your new senator?
Before there was rap, Baraka put the hip in hop. Besides, his now immortal screed, “Somebody Blew Up America,” is the most faithful reflection of Democratic thinking ever put to rhetorical music. Here are some stanzas, selected and composed at random (and living proof that Al Gore isn’t the only Demo who tells it like it is):
Somebody Blew Up America
They say it’s some terrorist,
It wasn’t our American terrorists
It wasn’t the Klan or the Skin heads
Or the them that blows up nigger
Churches, or reincarnates us on Death Row
It wasn’t Trent Lott
Or David Duke or Giuliani
Or Schundler, Helms retiring
The gonorrhea in costume
The white sheet diseases
That have murdered black people
Terrorized reason and sanity
Most of humanity, as they pleases.
Another choice Republican pops up later:
Who made Bush president
Who believe the confederate flag need to be flying
Who talk about democracy and be lying
Who the Beast in Revelations
Who know who decide
Jesus get crucified
Baraka’s target here is just as unmistakable:
Who the biggest executioner
Who? Who? Who?
Who own the oil
Who want more oil
He offers a staunch defense of the Democrats’ most sacred programs:
Who decided Affirmative Action had to go
Reconstruction, The New Deal,
The New Frontier, The Great Society
He’s a staunch multilateralist:
Who walked out of the Conference
He recalls the crimes of Reagan, Nixon, Kissinger et al.:
Who invaded Grenada
Who made money from apartheid
Who keep the Irish a colony
Who overthrow Chile and Nicaragua later
“Who? Who? Who?” as Baraka likes to say, “Who and Who and WHO who who/ Whoooo and Whooooooooooooooooooooo!” So is this the same fellow who composed “Who Let the Dogs Out?” Or is he attempting a bad imitation of Tom Wolfe?
If his luck holds, Ms. Barbra Streisand will soon be quoting him and insisting he’s the genuine article, unlike the ever unreliable Shakespeare, whom she cited in good faith last Sunday only to learn later that he’d misled her. Last time he gets any work in Hollywood.
Adding to Babs’ confusions was that her finding out that the streaks in her hair have a future after all. Turns out the bards at the World Health Organization did not in fact author a report claiming blondes will disappear from the face of the earth in a few centuries. Congratulations nonetheless go out to the courageous likes of Charlie Gibson of “Good Morning America,” not to mention a few newspeople at CBS’s morning show and at CNN, all of whom fell for the hoax as if they’d been handed a brief from the ACLU or the Sierra Club.
Given new life, the blonde community quickly produced someone to participate in a new round of denunciations of America’s princely president. Whereas in the past a winsome performer might have sung “I Hate Men,” Ms. Jessica Lange opted to chirp, “I hate Bush.” Then, for good measure, she added: “I despise him and his entire administration.” She also noted she’s ashamed to be an American and she thanked her hosts in Madrid for allowing her “a few days” of respite from the U.S., where the “atmosphere … is poisonous, intolerable for those of us who are not right-wing.” (Our thanks go out to the real CIA, the Media Research Center, for sharing these intercepts with the right-wing intelligence community.)
Many beautiful people find they need to get away from Amerika every chance they get. Some years ago, an Enemy Central operative did a radio show hosted by PBS mainstay Ms. Bonnie Erbe, who during a break explained she couldn’t stand being in the U.S. and needed to get away for some R&R as often as possible. So where had she gone on her latest getaway vacation? To Syria, during the glory of the late friend of butchery, Hafez al-Assad. In retrospect, it’s clear she was merely paving the way for the Congressional Three Stooges’ visit to the Butcher of Baghdad, where as the whole world knows, they proceeded to denounce Mr. Bush as a much greater menace than their kindly host.
In some circles, this treasonous trio is being hailed as the most useful collection of useful idiots to America’s cause since the last time Mikhail Gorbachev perestroika’d alone.
In Friday’s Washington Post, Mike Thompson, the least well known of the trio, insists he had none of the other two’s treasonous intentions. He represents very northern Northern California, where the concern is that war is not healthy for redwoods, sequoias and the little living things that live in them. Interestingly, though, he now claims that as a Vietnam vet who was jeered by anti-war creeps on his return from combat he’s now being treated in like fashion by conservatives who call him a traitor. So in his view, the conservative propaganda machine is comparable to Saddam’s. And saying that isn’t treasonous? From Rush Limbaugh on down, every conservative in the land knows our propaganda machine has no rivals.
Then there’s David Bonior, about whom the less said the better. At last report he was hosting a fundraiser in Mecca.
Which leaves us with the people’s choice for Enemy of the Week, Rep. James McDermott, or “Jihad Jim,” as one of our agents called him. It would take an Amiri Baraka to compile all that McDermott can now be charged with. So let us limit ourselves to a few choice moments from his recent rise to celebrity. One concerns his claims to status as a Vietnam-era veteran, service that never saw him leave a Long Beach, California psychiatric ward. Yet on “This Week” he claimed, regarding Vietnam, that “both David and I were in that war.” Later on the PBS’s “NewsHour with Jim Lehrer,” he added: “I am somebody who served in Vietnam, in the Vietnam era.” So in other words, he lied to us. And if he lied to us, how can we be sure he didn’t also lie to Saddam. Lying is how wars get started.
On top of everything else, Jihad Jim insists anyone who disagrees with him is “stupid.” He said so twice on the “NewsHour,” the first time in living memory anyone has ever dared to use that word on that distinguished show. One senses in that usage an effort to hide behind the Supreme Court’s recent ruling requiring clemency for anyone below a certain I.Q. Some traitors will try anything to escape EOW immortality.