The siege finally ended. For days brutal forces taunted, belittled, and brutalized their target. They questioned his leadership and legitimacy, denigrated his achievements, disbelieved his denials, and charged him with bigotry, hysteria, and callous irresponsibility. The only question was where to exile him, and how long before he cries uncle. Well, he didn’t cry Prescott, but Colin was adjudged close enough. So Colin’s on his way to bring peace to the Middle East. The world is whole again. As for exile, when it comes, it will be at an undisclosed location. Of Al Gore’s choosing. That’s how brutal forces operate. And with shock troops like our media mites, there’s no question of stopping them. Conventional weapons certainly won’t. The Pentagon’s search for nuclear solutions will have to continue.
The Vatican could be targeted. According to Enemy Central agent Jack Hughes, its recent criticism of Israeli policies came from “the same crowd who told the Pope there weren’t perverts in the priesthood.”
And forget about using the FBI. Thanks to special agent Robert Hanssen, director of the bureau’s Spy for Russia program, we now know his duties included keeping tabs on sainted figures such as Hillary Clinton. Even David Brock never sank that low. But you’ve gotta love her code name: Babushka.
In a domestic tragedy of unseen proportions, a man who calls himself Bryant Gumball (ed: ck spelling) is withdrawing from morning television after 17 years of military occupation. As the most admired figure in the news business since Walter Cronkite and Howard Beale, Gumball will be missed. It’s believed he’ll now be free to act on a lifelong dream to found a charm school.
Morning television is suffering on many fronts. Reid Collins informs us that “NBC performed the final act of indignity to the English language this morning, with a headline declaring that the ‘Queen Mother would LAY in state for two days.'” NBC will argue that Collins, as a former correspondent on rival networks, should have recused himself from the story. To which we’ll counter that it serves NBC right for all the years it’s insisted on comparing the Queen Mother (or her daughter) to a hen. Besides, once it decided to defend the Clinton regime to the death it expunged “lie” from its lexicon.
If misery loves miserable company, NBC, let us introduce you to A.P. According to an anonymous tip, the Associated Press last Saturday reported that “the Queen Mother’s death adds personal tragedy to a succession of domestic traumas suffered by the royal family in recent years …” Our tipster asks: “Since when does the death — in her sleep and apparently without pain — of a 101-year-old woman count as a ‘tragedy’?” Some will charge our informant, unfairly, of lacking compassion.
Otherwise, the argument will be, he/she/they would have joined the hippie activists who’ve been burning incense and crashing at Yassir Arafat’s pad. They come from all over, even Ireland and the Israel Empire. One thing is certain. If Morocco doesn’t work out as a new home for Arafat, he can always try coming to San Francisco, if he can be sure not to wear a kaffiyeh in his hair.
By the way, isn’t it curious that no one has heard anything about Mrs. Arafat — i.e., Suha Arafat, Hillary Clinton’s former debate club partner — in the longest time? Has she left her man, much like Mrs. Marion Barry recently has done? Or has she gone to work for someone like Gary Condit?
Normally, Enemy Central is virulently pro-immigration. But even we open-borders freaks know when to draw the line. No, the worry isn’t that Mrs. A is interning on Capitol Hill. This concerns someone else entirely, a Washington resident of so many years standing that he knew Dean Acheson and Elihu Root in prep school. But isn’t it high time this dean of permanent ambassadors to Washington lose his American citizenship and green card and scurry back to his oil ranch on the outskirts of Mecca? Prince Bandar has outstayed his welcome. This Saudi equivalent of Mr. Smith who came to Washington and never left has gone too far this time, suggesting that suicide bombers in the U.S. will enjoy the same sort of diplomatic immunity he has these last 97 years. There’s a flight school near Riyadh that’s advertising for new students. This EOW certificate from Enemy Central should make enrollment a cakewalk.