Drafty Ducks - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Drafty Ducks

We want to lead a live of danger, though not if that means sounding like Charlie Rangel. The fickle Rep. and former PFC from NYC once would have favored ending the draft to stop a war. A generation later he wants to reinstate the draft to end the next war. Only goes to show you don’t need to travel to Baghdad to clinch a McDermott-Bonior prize. But it also shows that the political thought of Sidney Blumenthal and Abbie Hoffman remains at the heart of Democratic conniving.

Happy Days are here again in more ways than anyone can count. Building on their success last November 5, Democratic congressional leaders Gephardt and Daschle are all set to run for president. Oddsmakers in Las Vegas reacted to the news by encouraging the two men to combine forces and run instead for German chancellor.

A more dynamic candidacy is Carolina dandy John Edwards’s, which got off to a rousing start in his driveway the other day in what struck most listeners, unless they be hard of hearing, as Edwards’s coming out as a mute. The young fella had absolutely nothing to say about why he, of all trial lawyers, is qualified to become president. Then an ice-cream truck ding-donged down his street and Edwards had his answer — he’s wants to champion “regular people” — i.e., “people who don’t have lobbyists.” He’d rather they had trial lawyers, who as we know never lobby politicians. Why lobby someone you own? Under an Edwards presidency, regular people will be able to afford premium.

That’s welcome news in Michigan, where a new governor is fueling a political revolution. Ms. Jennifer Granholm, American’s finest Canadian import since Ferguson Jenkins, turned her gubernatorial inauguration into an anti-Masonic event. As her state’s first female governess, she called for even more opportunity in U.S. politics for Canadians, “so that no characteristic like gender or race or national origin or religion will ever again contain the secret codes that allow admission.” Got that? Remember, if you have a serious code, take two aspirin and call us in the morning.

Our sense is that Gov. Granholm will soon enough rediscover the indispensability of secret codes. She has until March to propose a new state budget that already faces a $2 billion or so deficit. Because of secret codes known only to politicians she is certain to bring balance to her budget by increasing revenues without raising taxes and committing to new spending while making all the necessary cuts.

A master of the secret code of California Governor Gray Davis, who has concluded his state faces an even great deficit than a mere $20-some billion. At his last estimate it was at $35 billion and ballooning. Before we’re through it’ll break $100 billion and Davis will come out claiming he cut it by nearly $80 billion. There’s still a chance he’ll qualify for a Democratic presidential run after all. He’ll declare himself heir to Bill Clinton’s commitment to fiscal discipline, and that’ll shut up Johnny Edwards for good.

Maybe running for prez would shut up Ms. Susan McDougal as well. She remains a public bloviator, which is rather odd given how she clammed up whenever Kenneth Starr asked about her dealings with the Clintons. Now that she’s no longer residing in O.J. Simpson’s one-time home she can’t turn her mouth off, revealing in the process all the things she once said she would not let Clinton watchers in on. For instance, as the Washington Post quoted from her upcoming book, Ms. Susan says of Bill Clinton: “I have never known another human being who needed to be told all the time how great he is.” To knock down talk of her possible romantic involvement with the Great Arkansan, she asks: “”Have you seen the way he looks in a pair of running shorts?” Is that what he had on when he saw her riding bareback in a Whitewater ad?

But no more horsing around. We’ve got war-stoppers to stop. If left to their own devices, they’ll draft not only all children of anyone who had partook of the Bush tax cuts, but their horses as well, for use in the all new organic army. Charlie Rangel thought he’d clinched an Enemy of the Week decoration when he took his draft call to the New York Times. How he underestimated us. We don’t have much use for publicity hounds. We prefer low-key individuals who do their back-stabbing behind the scenes. Some one like Charlie’s partner in treason, Rep. John Conyers, his likely co-sponsor of legislation to revive conscription. Conyers has thus been promoted over Rangel as this new year’s first EOW. All because he’d like our armed forces to rival in size and demeanor North Korea’s.

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