If you thought Charlie Sheen’s cocaine-induced antics were out of this world, wait until you meet Sheen’s other “half.”
Since 2003 Angus Jones has been better known as Jake Harper, his character in the hit television sitcom Two and a Half Men. The role has made Jones a multi-millionaire, but his newfound faith has led Jones to reconsider his riches.
Earlier this week a video surfaced of Jones in a testimonial denouncing the show that made him millions. “Jake from Two and a Half Men means nothing,” he says as he pleads with viewers to stop watching “filth.” Cue the media circus.
Once the video went viral, Christianity Today published an interview where Jones admits to struggling with the show’s “very inappropriate themes” and even says he’s a “paid hypocrite.” Jones also tells the interviewer that he’d rather be an organic farmer for the homeless. Bless his bleeding heart!
In another testimonial, this time for The Adventist Channel, a Stepford-like interviewer takes Jones through his faith journey as if it were an infomercial. Jones stammers his way through some church-shopping in what he calls his “valley of decision.” Jones was “looking for a church with a lot of fire.”
He settled on the “friendliest church in San Fernando Valley,” Valley Crossroads Seventh-day Adventist Church. The pastor’s messages, Jones says, are “tailor-made” for him. The Adventist Bible studies make “so much more sense” than anything else he’s studied. The people of Valley Crossroads are “so loving, so accepting.”
Perhaps Angus Jones should have stayed in his “valley of decision” a little longer.
The first Seventh-day Adventists were known as Millerites because they followed William Miller, a 19th century Baptist obsessed with Biblical prophecies. Miller was especially convinced that the end of the world was to be on October 22, 1844. Needless to say, a “Great Disappointment” arrived and the Millerites split up. Ellen and James White led the group that Angus Jones would later join.
Ellen White developed an eschatology frankly too complex and bizarre to go into here, but just know that the Adventists are still rather gripped by the Book of Revelation, insist on Saturday as the Sabbath, and believe the Apocalypse is “imminent.” No wonder Jones told The Adventist Channel that he regularly trains with a group called End Times Like These Ministries. How Branch Davidian of him.
While this all may not seem like mainstream Christianity, it is “far from a cult,” Christopher Hudson told The Daily. Hudson is the man behind Jones’s Forerunner Chronicles testimony and has some YouTube videos of his own. Hudson’s ministry is dedicated to the “three fold message of Revelation 14:6-12” which, according to Hudson, encourages “mankind to shun the worship system of the first beast of Revelation 13:1-9, which is a prophetic symbol of the Roman Catholic Church.”
Whoops. Maybe Jones’s Adventist journey hasn’t gotten to that part yet. Or maybe it has. In Jones’s testimony, he admits to watching other Forerunner videos and exclaims, “All the information is so great!” Jones says to Hudson. “Your videos have no doubt been a blessing to me.”
The Huffington Post‘s Cavan Sieczkowski began tortuous work of actually watching the rest of these videos. Sieczkowski found some real gems: Jay-Z is a Freemason and his albums are a part of some Satanic plot. Obamacare “embodies” Adolf Hitler’s healthcare plan. New Yorkers devastated by Hurricane Sandy may soon be forced to cannibalize their babies.
All this because the Pope celebrates Mass on Sunday?
Not exactly the language all Seventh-day Adventists would use, but even the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists states it “cannot erase or ignore the historical record of serious intolerance and even persecution on the part of the Roman Catholic Church.” Ultimately, Adventists are “convinced of the validity of [their] prophetic views” where Catholics will “align themselves with the forces in opposition to God and to the Sabbath.”
Maybe Jones’s friends at Valley Crossroads are “so loving, so accepting” — at least until they learn you sleep in on Saturdays.