North Korea

North Korea Fired an Underwater Missile, Probably.

By on 5.11.15 | 11:43AM

No one has yet confirmed that the North Koreans have fired an underwater ballistic missile in the general direction of the United States just yet, but suffice it to say, everyone is super sure it happened. After all, when you consider that Kim Jong Un once "launched" a full on nuclear assault with an Atari control panel that wasn't plugged in, it's easy to believe that they've both set sail in a seafaring vessel that can operate with impunity in local waters, and managed to send a warhead careening into the great beyond, no doubt terrifying entire schools of underwater creatures.

It is, of course, entirely possible that this all happened in an elaborate Playmobil landcape set up in Kim Jong Un's third bedroom. But for now, at least, the world is standing up and taking notice.

North Korea has carried out a successful underwater test of a ballistic missile, the North Korean state news agency reported.

Leader Kim Jong Un oversaw the test himself, KCNA reported on Saturday (Friday evening, ET).

The Internet is Out in North Korea

By on 12.22.14 | 3:57PM

Apparently, they actually do have Internet. Or...erm...they did.

According to the New York Times, North Korea is now suffering a complete Internet blackout. What appears to be a Denial of Service Attack (or DDOS attack) is targeting North Korean routers, and all of North Koreas 1200 IP addresses have gone dark. 

North Korea’s already tenuous links to the Internet went completely dark on Monday after days of instability, in what Internet monitors described as one of the worst North Korean network failures in years.

The loss of service came just days after President Obama pledged that the United States would launch a “proportional response” to the recent attacks on Sony Pictures, which government officials have linked to North Korea. While an attack on North Korea’s networks was suspected, there was no definitive evidence of it.

Doug Madory, the director of Internet analysis at Dyn Research, an Internet performance management company, said that North Korean Internet access first became unstable late Friday. The situation worsened over the weekend, and by Monday, North Korea’s Internet was completely offline.

North Korea Has Found Source of Hacks, Will Blow Up White House Now

By on 12.22.14 | 1:06PM

We all know that our government is taking the hacks on Sony Entertainment very seriously. We know this because President Obama held a Very Serious Press Conference on Friday, where he only called on Very Serious Reporters, who asked Very Serious Questions about his Very Serious Response to a corporate hacking.

According to President Obama, Sony tried to go it alone, found they were incapable of handling such an attack on their technology and now he'll be stepping in to handle their problems. Sony, on the other hand, quickly noted that they had asked the White House for help with the hack some time ago, and despite their regular contributions to Barack Obama's campaign coffers, no one picked up the phone in the Oval Office. But they're happy to have the help now, they guess. 

Kim Jong Un “Interview” Death Scene Leaks Online

By on 12.18.14 | 11:25AM

Yesterday was a great day to be a tinpot dictator. 

We've already discussed the US softening of relations with Cuba, and last night, Sony Pictures, terrified of North Korea's psychotic overlord and his Atari missile launcher, pulled The Interview from theaters, after it became apparent that North Korea was behind the massive Sony email leak. Now, granted, had something actually happened, we'd have been all over Sony for failing to take decisive action, and blaming them for whatever life, limb and property was lost in the ensuing revenge. But at least right now, it's pretty clear that when it comes to a strong foreign policy towards men in fancy pajamas with rockets pointed at their Malibu beach hosues, Hollywood is more in favor than we thought they'd be.

Kim Jong Un Executed 10 People for Watching Soap Operas

By on 10.29.14 | 4:32PM

Kim Jong Un has returned from his short absence (intelligence authorities now believe he had a substitute dictator as he recovered from had ankle surgery), and those who flouted his authority while he was unable to properly discipline them are paying the price. Ten North Korean officials have reportedly been executed because they tuned in to some South Korean soap operas to pass the time. 

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un is seeking to erase the remaining influence of his dead uncle, executing about 10 senior Workers’ Party officials on charges from graft to watching South Korean soap operas, according to an aide to a South Korean lawmaker.

The deaths by shooting are part of Kim’s latest round of purges, said Lim Dae Sung, a secretary to ruling Saenuri Party lawmaker Lee Cheol Woo who attended a briefing at the National Intelligence Service yesterday in Seoul.

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