Hillary Clinton

Single Device User Hillary Clinton Actually Used Two Devices At State

By on 3.31.15 | 12:49PM

Remember when Hillary Clinton stood in front of a press gaggle at the United Nations and claimed that she used her personal email in order to simplify her communications routine, as her tiny little female brain was unable to account for two mobile devices at the same time, despite her quick adaptation to the iPad in addition to her phone? Sure, we all do. I missed lunch for it. The things I do for you people.

Well, it turns out that, once Clinton released her emails to the Associated Press, she was betrayed, somewhat ironically, by her real inability to use two devices. In at least one communication with her senior aide Huma Abedin, where Clinton mistakenly replied to a very important State Department email about drone debris in Pakistan, with a series of queries about benches and floral arrangements.

Hillary Now Thinks This Email Thing is Hilarious

By on 3.24.15 | 5:13PM

If you're keeping score, based on familiarity with the Clinton playbook, we have now delightfully exited the "pretend nothing is wrong" phase of Hillary Clinton's private email scandal and we've moved into the "joke about it as though it's funny" phase.

If you recall, this closely mirror's Bill Clinton's response to the Monica Lewinsky scandal, where, after denying his scandal under oath and then recanting it, embraced his public personal as a lovable, yet kind of creepy oaf, bound to haplessly follow the edicts of his nether regions: "Oh, that's just Bill!" and "Did someone say Colombian prostitutes?" Hillary is following suit. Fresh off her UN press conference, where she revealed her own technological vulnerability, as well as her abject commitment to the feminist principle of always playing too dumb to know what's going on, she's confident the situation has been completely resolved. And so, on to the jokes.

Hillary Clinton Says We Have a “Fun Deficit,” Wants to Create Adult Camp

By on 3.19.15 | 8:54PM

When I think of Hillary Clinton, I do not normally think, "fun." Turns out, the feeling is mutual.

This afternoon, speaking to the American Camp Association New York and New Jersey Tri-State CAMP Conference, she suggested that, since America has been so down in the dumps lately, with all this nonsense about emails and Iranians getting the bomb, maybe what we really need to address is our "fun deficit." And she knows precisely how to do it.

Adult camps.

Hillary Clinton would love to see sleepaway camps for adults and more relationship-building in Washington, she said Thursday at what will likely be her final paid appearance before launching her expected presidential campaign.

"We really need camps for adults,"  the former secretary of state told the American Camp Association of New York and New Jersey’s Tri-State CAMP Conference. "None of the serious stuff ... I think we have a fun deficit in America."

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I Love the ’90s

By 3.13.15

The Millennial generation — into which I have been unceremoniously lumped, care of a post-Reagan inauguration birthdate — has a thing for the ’90s. 

It’s no secret that anyone south of 40 is, these days, looking to extend their neon-colored childhood into the forseeable future. After all, the harder we cling to our Polly Pockets and our Tamagotchis, the less likely we are to have to handle the day-to-day minutiae of reality: paying taxes, having a job, shoveling driveways, keeping potted plants alive and the like. The longer we hold on to what we had when we were comfortably siloed off from the hardships of responsibility, the less likely we are to wake up one morning and face down our own mortality in the bathroom mirror, realizing that the hundred-thousand-dollar Genders Studies education we paid for is unlikely to earn us any living beyond a one-bedroom urban apartment that lacks central air-conditioning.

TIME Magazine Makes Hillary Clinton a She-Devil

By on 3.12.15 | 12:57PM

Literally.

Time magazine — which still exists, much to the relief of dentists’ offices nationwide — released its latest issue this morning, and with it, its latest cover image — which appears to give Hillary Clinton horns. Sort of.

I say “sort of,” because the camera seems to be tracking Hillary from the side, with the sihouetted figure turned only slightly from the field of view, heading away. Hillary’s actual horns, if we’re going to be anatomically correct, would be closer together, given the perspective. And I guess I always imagined that, with Hillary Clinton, they’d be bigger.

But I suppose it's all relative to who you are and what kind of horrible, devilish things you’ve accomplished. I don’t know a lot about horns. 

AP Sues State for Hillary’s Emails

By on 3.11.15 | 12:20PM

The State Department may have initiated the request for Hillary's emails, but it seems they weren't overly specific in terms of what they were looking for. Their oversight may end up testing the boundaries of the Freedom of Information Act.

The Associated Press filed a lawsuit today in an attempt to force the State Department to release certain key emails authored or in the possession of one Hillary Rodham Clinton. Apparently, the AP has been filing FOIA request after FOIA request for years, seeking a response, and the State Department has been reticent to address them. One such FOIA request has been languishing for five years. And so, in light of Secretary Clinton's statements on the subject (including that 30,000 of her emails are now lost to the "brown file"), they're taking their request to the courts.

Hillary’s Email Excuse: She Didn’t Want Two Phones

By on 3.10.15 | 2:33PM

I've removed the UN press conference live feed now that Hillary is done talking because I highly doubt you want to continue to watch people standing around staring at a step and repeat. I mean, maybe that's your thing. But do it on your own time.

Anyway, here's what we learned from Hillary's brief, somewhat contentious (as least as far as Andrea Mitchell was not involved) press conference at the United Nations. It began, as many press conferences have today, with a brief soliloquy on those dastardly Republicans who keep insisting on derailing the President's landmark discussions with Iran. She also made some brief remarks on the anniversary of the Beijing conference on Womens Rights, which she appears to have attended, noting that she is thrilled to be a part of the event and the commission, despite having accepted thousands in donations for the Clinton Foundation from countries where women are still regularly stoned for adultery.

She made several remarks on her email:

Oh Wait: The President Did Know Hillary’s Private Email

By on 3.9.15 | 3:57PM

If, after reading that last story I posted, you were thinking to yourself, "but Emily, how is it possible that the President had no idea that Hillary Clinton was using a private email address when the President and the Secretary of State are typically in close communication?" you were not alone. It seems that the President's own staff is also confused. 

This afternoon, White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest noted that, yes, the President did exchange emails with then-Secretary Clinton using her private email address, and yes, it appears that those emails went through Clinton's private server. Which, yes, means that America's top-level foreign policy discussions were probably open to any hacker who cared to take initiative. 

President Barack Obama communicated via email with Hillary Clinton while she used her personal email, according to the White House.

In a press briefing on Monday, White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest said that Obama did correspond with his secretary of state via her private email address.

President Obama Found Out About Hillary Emails from NYT

By on 3.9.15 | 1:24PM

It seems as though Hillary Clinton's troubles with email are as likely to stick around as Kim Kardashian's platinum hair (though, thankfully, the Hillary Clinton emails are less likely to expose us all to Kanye West). And while the White House may be tangentially involved, they are making it clear that, while they might have warned Hillary Clinton's staff to take a second look at their technological subpoena-avoidance plan, they had absolutely nothing to do with her decision to conduct all State Department business on a server located somewhere below the wine cellar of her Chappaqua, New York estate.

The President, of course, decided to reiterate the White House's position this weekend. When questioned on the subject, he noted that, as you can recall, no one in his administration tells him anything. He finds out about troubles brewing with his appointees the same way you do: in the media.

“Texts From Hillary” Emails, Avatar Now Missing

By on 3.8.15 | 5:44PM

Remember that iconic "Texts from Hillary" Associated Press photo, where Hillary Clinton is seen scrolling through her Blackberry on a military transport to Libya? I hope it's burned in your mind, because as of this morning, the photo, which was Hillary Clinton's Twitter avatar, has been removed

After getting some heat for her Twitter avatar featuring the iconic photo of her staring at her Blackberry while heading to Libya, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has finally changed it.

While some were critical of her for keeping it after the email scandal surrounding her, Clinton didn’t say she was changing the avatar because of that, but instead, to draw attention to International Women’s Day.

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