P—Yes, a few weeks ago, I did tell the U.S. Hispanic Chamber of Commerce that the president has basically put me in charge of the Western Hemisphere. And yes, I did tell the annual conference of the National Association of Dental Hygienists that in a past life I was a Mexican professional wrestler named Trucho Graciarse. And yes, I did announce on Meet the Press that Democrats should abide by the line of succession and recognize John Boehner as president in the event that Barack and I get raptured. And you know what else? You can’t stop me. Biden’s gonna say what Biden’s gonna say. The DNC can set up a trebuchet and fling two hundred sweetlegs PR floozies over the Naval Observatory fence, but ain’t nothing gonna change one fact: The Bidenmobile’s on a roll. Choo! Choo! Next stop, 2016-ville. Keep your arms and legs inside the compartment. And remember: In the event of a water landing, you can use me as a flotation device, America.
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