October has become a ghost, as is always the case on Halloween, and with October's passing Mr. Herman Cain resided atop most Republican presidential polls, putting the lie to any claims that the Tea Partiers are racists. The presidential race in 2012 could pit a Black Republican against a Black Democrat, putting the lie to the claim that Americans are racists. And right now most polls suggest the Black would win…the Black Republican, that is! As for the Black Democrat, he is casting his lot with the Occupy Wall Street crowd, as are most of the other leading Democrats--more proof of the Death of Liberalism. Precisely how President Barack Obama intends to side with the Occupiers presently organizing in little groups across the country is unclear. It is to be doubted that he will join with those in lower Manhattan who defecated on police cars. And it would be decidedly unpresidential to join with those in Madison, Wisconsin, who masturbated, presumably against capitalism but possibly in a positive fashion, say for world peace. Nor is he expected to join with Miss Justina Jensen, who was arrested for pimping a 16-year-old girl whom she met at Victory Park during an Occupy New Hampshire demonstration. President Obama could just bundle up and go down to Wall Street and alternately protest and consult with his Wall Street donors, but he better wear his mittens. October 29 saw the earliest snowstorm hit the Northeast in years. Central Park got a record-shattering 2.9 inches, and Hartford, Connecticut, got 12.3 inches. Global warming indeed! Yet for now the president is pretty much speechless. On October 17, some goons stole the truck with his teleprompter in it and his presidential seal. He really liked the seal, so come on, guys. Give it back. Maybe the Koch brothers could pitch in and buy him a new one.
On October 20, Colonel Muammar Gaddafi was found in a drainpipe outside the historic city of Misurata. There he was attending to affaires d'état and practicing an ascetic form of Islam, living simply and reading the Koran. Unfortunately a mob routed him from his drainpipe and treated his person roughly, despite his delightful incantations to the sacred Koran and his adoption of an Arabic version of the old soft-shoe while he was being hustled to a waiting pick-up--we have videos! Then he was shot dead, according to the infallible New York Post, by a young man wearing a New York Yankees cap--the Post ran his picture--and brandishing the Colonel's own very stylish gold-plated handgun. Possibly the killer was a CIA operative, but, for sure, he was a huge baseball fan. By the way, the St. Louis Cardinals won the World Series two weeks later. As for the illustrious Colonel, his wasted body was put on display in a meat locker in Misurata, scantily clad and covered with blood--all in contravention of holy Islam's sacred customs regarding the deceased. Frankly, the grisly scene reminded some of us of Abu Ghraib. Though, if Colonel Gaddafi was wearing underpants, it was not apparent. His son and heir apparent, Sief al-Islam Gaddafi, the jet-setting playboy and frequenter of the Davos World Economic Forum, was thought to be hiding with Tuareg tribesman in southern Libya at month's end. He did make what the International Criminal Court (ICC) called an "informal contact." What that "informal contact" might be the ICC spokesman would not say. However, do not rule out that it involved the younger Gaddafi's gift of a wet chicken or perhaps a packet of camel manure, both being traditional peace offerings in that part of the world. Ironically the Colonel's last palace was not unlike the rat hole from which Iraq's President Saddam Hussein was extricated, suggesting to some Middle East experts that for fallen dictators there is something marvelous about dirt and general filth. In economic news, Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke said the recovery was "close to faltering," so President Obama redoubled his efforts. He promised to raise taxes and spend $447 billion more on a so-called jobs bill.
Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey made it official again, stating cryptically that "now is not my time," presumably to run for the presidency but plausibly to order another helping of his favorite pasta. One thing is clear. The 300-pound governor is not an empty suit. Death claimed Mr. Steve Jobs, the chairman and co-founder of Apple corporation, and Mr. Khaled Abdel Nasser , the fiery son of what the New York Times called "Egypt's most revered leader," the late Gamal Abdel Nasser, also assumed room temperature. Highlights in his life include his acquittal for aiding in the assassination of two Israeli diplomats, heaving himself onto his father's coffin in 1970 as it was being transferred to a funeral carriage, and seven months later refusing to return his father's $36,000 bulletproof limousine to the government. Rather, during a heated exchange with government officials, who sought return of the automobile, Mr. Nasser doused the car in gasoline and set it afire. He is survived by three adult children and a scrapbook. In North Platte, Nebraska, an overly protective mother who kept two of her children in a dog kennel was arrested. Miss Ashly Clark, who is a single mom, was held on $50,000 bond. Can you believe it?
Environmental kudos to 27-year-old Miss Mo Hongping of China's Shanxi Province, who is breaking new ground in living an environmentally friendly life. For the past 16 years Miss Mo has lived in a basket measuring 1.2 meters long and 0.5 meters wide. Moreover, she does not drive a car. On October 21, President Obama announced that all U.S. troops will leave Iraq by the end of the year after he was unable to reach an agreement with the government of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. Retired generals such as Army General John M. Keane termed the decision an "absolute disaster." On the other hand, the president is now free to golf almost every weekend and to play mah-jongg. He has had fewer meetings of his National Security Council at this stage in his presidency than President George W. Bush or Mr. Bush's father, though he is far ahead of President Warren Gamaliel Harding. Mr. Rip Alan Swartz, the 43-year-old-man who made more than 400 lewd telephone calls in one historic day to women concerning their pantyhose, says he is "ashamed" of his behavior. He made the declaration at a hearing in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, where he was sentenced to probation. Yet it was not all bad news for him. He now is free to submit that 400-call day for a place in the Guinness Book of Records.
In Glamorous People News, French officials in Paris and Lille have opened an inquiry about Mr. Dominique Strauss-Kahn's use of a prostitution ring based in the exclusive Carlton Hotel for "secretaries" who would bring their skills to him in New York City. Allegedly, the women--they were all women--would travel to New York to serve as the then International Monetary Fund leader's "secretaries." They were famous for using the "hunt and peck technique." And "Joe the Plumber" has married. Joe, whose real name is Mr. Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, is running for the House of Representatives in a newly redistricted Ohio 9th District, and is likely to be opposed by Congressman Dennis J. Kucinich, whose district has vanished. At this stage it is unknown under what name Mr. Wurzelbacher will run, Joe the Plumber or his conventional moniker. While in Ohio let us comment on a dangerous outbreak of hate crimes against holy Islam. In a rural part of the state a gang of Amish terrorists has been arraigned for shearing off beards from fellow Amish. More on this next month.