The Golden Globes is the notorious kickoff to Hollywood’s “awards season” during which rich people gather in large well-appointed rooms to drink expensive champagne and give each other tokens of their undying admiration, which they will all discuss at cocktail parties you’ll never be invited to. And as Americans, we like it that way, especially when, as at the Golden Globes, those same people are encouraged to drink heavily during the broadcast.
This year’s Globes began, as they often do, with a river of sludge winding its way slowly down a plush red carpet into the Beverly Hilton. That was, of course, cleaned up quickly, and a separate river of sludge was able to, once again, continue unimpeded into the hotel’s ballroom, as E! Online rolled B-roll footage and regaled the early audience with “fun facts” about the celebrities they were seeing, like that one time that Michael J. Fox was hilariously diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease.