The Nation’s Pulse
A recent Religion News Service article on infamous Episcopal Bishop John Shelby Spong celebrates him as an aging maverick whose provocative sexual and theological stances supposedly are no longer controversial. At age 82, the former Bishop of Newark, New Jersey, is writing his 24th book. In the 1980s and 1990s his works infamously speculated that the Virgin Mary was impregnated by a Roman soldier, that St. Paul was a self-hating homosexual, and that Jesus’ unresurrected body was torn asunder by wild dogs.
A former Southern segregationist, Spong celebrated his spiritual maturity away from racism into more enlightened religion, which also rejected Christian orthodoxy. He later joined the then publicity savvy Jesus Seminar, whose liberal scholars once made headlines by voting with marbles over which Gospel stories were not true.
(10:22 a.m.) Tony, our head barista, tells me that Frank Miller is gunning for me and plans to meet me at high noon at Starbucks. I consider myself a peaceable man who doesn’t look for trouble, but Miller is after me for supposedly crowding into line ahead of him for my morning frappuccino. He vows to get back at me. Miller, a notorious outlaw, was nabbed several times for stealing packets of Splenda from various Starbucks.
(10:47 a.m.) The clock is ticking but I need to protect myself from the crazed gunman for terrorizing baristas while other patrons cower beneath tables and behind their laptops, fearing for their lives. Until now, it has been impossible to find a table without Wi-Fi.
(10:58 a.m.) Miller is notorious for shooting up a Starbucks in Dodge City and another in Durango, where he and his boys made off with a valuable supply of chocolate-covered biscotti. Clearly the varmint will stop at nothing. Miller swept through four or five Starbucks in Denver and is said to be on his way to our little neighborhood hangout.