Enemy of the Week

Enemy of the Week

Trigger Happy

By 11.22.13

Yucky Harry comes down from Yucca Mountain and drops the Big One. All while his co-conspirators prepare to sign off on Iran’s nuclear option, both A-tests designed to provide protection from the Affordable Care Act’s accelerating particles of subterfuge, centrifuge, and other forms of deadly political radioactivity. And to add insult to impunity, last week’s EOW laureate, JFK the Second, has repudiated the Monroe Doctrine, and he didn’t even do so in Spanish, adding to conjectures he was really directing his remarks to aficionados of Miss Marilyn Monroe, a legend in her own time and ours, even as we commemorate the death of her old friend from Madison Square Garden birthday bashes, JFK the First.

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Enemy of the Week

Obamacarelessness

By 11.15.13

That didn’t take long. His very first words at yesterday’s press conference—a lie! “Good morning,” he began, when it was already afternoon. But he quickly caught himself, pushed his nose back in (it works like an elongated spyglass), said the wrong time of day was on him. Meaning we really do get to keep him, though White House aides and many a guest and host on CNN and MSNBC reminded reporters and viewers it was still morning in the Central, Mountain, and Pacific time zones when he spoke, not to mention Hawaii and Baja California.

He did a good job defending the idea if not the practice of Obamacare. Some favorite lines: “We can always make this law work better.” “Ultimately, I’m the president of the United States.” “It’s scary getting a cancellation notice.” But for pure psycho-syntactical bliss, there was this: “I think everybody understands that I’m not happy about the fact that the rollout has been, you know, wrought with a whole range of problems that I’ve been deeply concerned about.”

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Enemy of the Week

Letting Their Guard Down

By 11.8.13

They’re calling Terry McAuliffe’s victory “unexpectedly slim.” Which can only mean Chris Christie’s win was unsurprisingly fat. Even so, it went to Gov. Soprano’s head. “The party’s got to focus on winning again,” he said between moderate bites. Chewingly, he added: “Sometimes I feel like our party cares more about winning the argument than they care about winning elections.” Which explains why he declined to appear on behalf of Ken Cuccinelli during the Virginian’s late surge. That way he could make clear he cared more about winning the argument than he cares about another Republican winning an election.

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Enemy of the Week

Emergency Care

By 10.25.13

The President is cooperating. He’s providing names to Enemy Central. In his Rose Garden remarks on October 21, he mentioned at least three persons of interest, all of whom were in his custody and, unlike a fourth person in similar position, Ms. Karmel Allison, did not immediately fall ill to the contagions he or his teleprompter was spreading. Theirs turn out to be names are as artsy as, if less syrupy than, Ms. Allison’s. They are Jasmine Jennings, Jessica Ugalde, and Ezra Salop (unless that’s a misspelling of Alsop, which would make our friend Ezra the scion of a most distinguished Georgetown family, prime Obamacare material). The reason for their fame? As the President announced: “they’ve been able to stay on their parents’ plans until they’re 26.” Wow.

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Enemy of the Week

Emergency Care

By 10.25.13

The fight to save Obamacare from itself undergoes surgery.
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