Enemy of the Week

Enemy of the Week

Another Uninterrupted Stretch of Blowhards

By 9.15.14

“We’ve always said, all options except for boots,” a State Department spokeswoman said last month. “That is still the case.” The catchphrase has become “no boots on the ground.” Nancy Sinatra used hers for walking. But what about our men and women in uniform and under the command of our president? Can they use theirs for golf? Marching on parade? Hiking in the Rockies? Or to think of it another way, what about sneakers or high heels? Can they be worn on the ground?

We were hoping the president’s major address last week would clarify matters. Instead, the only thing that really moved us was his fulsomeness about the country he has found out he really and truly loves. Some would say he was being Reaganesque.

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Enemy of the Week

Manageable Corruption

By 9.5.14

Now they tell us. “Let’s be honest, the value of the luxury gifts and loans involved in the case, $177,000, is pretty petty,” writes the Washington Post’s Petula Dvorak for the prosecution in the case of the Virginia McDonnells vs. the U.S. which found the accused guilty on most counts. Isn’t it strange that Barack Obama received at least that amount in value from his Chicago backer Tony Rezko, who now sits in jail, while the Rezko equivalent in the McDonnell affair enjoys immunity while those he testified against face many long years in the pen. But who said life would be fair in a two-party state?

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Enemy of the Week

The New Ice Age

By 8.29.14

As a great strategist once said of another, “What did he mean by that?” Two hundred years ago, the “that” was a reference to the expiry of the sly Talleyrand. Today it merely expresses wonder at our president’s frank admission that any strategy he may have had toward Isis has been put on ice. Nothing new there, of course. Our guy is the President of Cool, a position reinforced a day earlier when he turned down an opportunity to participate in the Ice Bucket Challenge. There would be no pouring of ice water on that cold heart of his — lest the ice kelvinize and talk of absolute zero ensue, not something one risks at a time of falling numbers. Still, for someone with a near blind belief in science, it was a strange form of denialism.

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Enemy of the Week

Life in the 21st Century

By 8.22.14

The great Tiger Woods has announced that, owing to his latest back injury, he’s going to have to take a month or two off from golf play. But never fear, Barack is here, ready to fill the vacuum as most famous golfer in the world. It is, we might say, so 21st century of him. Even his prompt return Wednesday to the one thing he cares about after denouncing ISIS in a public service announcement hasn’t hurt his ranking. Indeed, bad boy behavior can only enhance his game and smile. Take a look at Rory McIlroy, who went on to win three straight tournaments, including two majors, right after throwing his fiancée under a bus and canceling their wedding plans. Twenty-first century types are everywhere.

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Enemy of the Week

Stupid Stuff

By 8.15.14

Okay, we’re not normally this nervous, but it’s not every week that we have a big date in the offing. Our leader has announced he plans to return to Washington, D.C. on Sunday for reasons yet to be divulged. Maybe he needs help for his addiction to golf. Maybe he needs to get away from all those rich folks of Martha’s Vineyard. Maybe he just needs to escape from Madam Hillary’s manic clutches. Or maybe, just perhaps, he wants to ask us for advice. Don’t know how we might help. He’s been exactly the man we knew he’d be from the moment he first set eyes on a teleprompter. Who are we to expect someone not to be true to himself?

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Enemy of the Week

Bums of August

By 8.8.14

Did you forget his birthday too? So uneventfully it passed last Monday. It made nobody’s headlines. No one sang him Happy Birthday or played him a swinging song like the Beatles’ “Birthday” or the classic sad one from the Tune Weavers, “Happy, Happy Birthday, Baby.”

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Enemy of the Week

Lois Lips Sink Ships

By 8.1.14

Frank Sinatra put it best — and that’s why the lady is a tramp. Her stage name is Lois Lerner, and she has entertained readers of this police sheet ever since its revival. For a while there she thought she should hide behind a Fifth Amendment curtain. Others at her IRS studio chipped in as well, erasing her from its many archives. At one point we lost track not only of her service at the agency, but of any tax records she might have filed on her own behalf. In true Orwellian fashion she was becoming a nonperson, until as luck would have it, a few scraps emerged depicting her as a fully alive-in-the-flesh woman of passionate commitments. With tart tongue she denounced conservatives as a rear guard of sorts (the actual language we’ll leave to others to de-classify) and major security risks, and in so doing she has regained her personhood. Forget pleading the Fifth — from now she can hide behind the First Amendment. With a lovely tongue like hers, she deserves to be known as the Lenny Bruce of the IRS. Will her show open in Cincinnati?

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Plagiarists and Illiterates

By 7.25.14

We used to think, he’ll never talk alone. But that was before we got the picture. There he is, standing in the middle of nowhere to the southwest of the West Wing, at a mini-podium, next to a mini-table, accompanied by no one, not even the teleprompter twins. And he’s saying something mean about Putin, a repeat actually of what he’d said about Putin three days earlier. So much for the flexibility he said he’d have in dealing with Russia. A change of locations doesn’t count. No doubt he replayed his anti-Putinisms in La La Land yesterday, but the press and cameras weren’t there, so we’ll never know, unless the Russkies let us know themselves.

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From Russia With Hate

By 7.18.14

Even EOW laureate Piers Morgan was appalled. “President Obama massively dropped the ball just now,” he tweeted. “23 Americans killed and he says ‘it looks like a terrible tragedy’ then back to jokes?” If you’ve lost Piers, is there anyone left to lose? Perhaps Joe Biden, whose looks our president mocked during his photo-op stop in Wilmington yesterday. Then it was on to New York City for an up-to-$32,000-a-pop fundraiser or two. Seriously. His timing is impeccable. Will he next impose sanctions on himself?

But enough about him. Let’s hear a word of cheer from someone else. We’ve settled on the fleshiest fish in the barrel, former whatever he was Al Gore, who’s still at it, droning away in Australia this time about how climate change is “the biggest crisis our civilization faces.” A few days later Brisbane registered it coldest morning in 103 years. Must be because Al absorbed all the heat.

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Photo-Ops and Downs

By 7.11.14

Everyone’s scolding our president for passing up a golden opportunity to participate in his one-millionth photo-op since 2008. But it’s not his fault. No one made him a serious offer. Had Republicans been less obstructionist they would have asked a certain blonde Danish prime minister to intervene. “Mr. President,” she would have purred, “do please join me for a selfie along the Rio Grande.” It’s not enough that they’ll always have Johannesburg. Before you know it, we’d have seen them splashing and frolicking in the river’s borderline waters, pursuing full immersion in the immigration crisis. Michelle, we assume, would have come along as chaperone and lifeguard. Afterward, the president would have appeared before the press, still dressed in dripping trunks and life vest. Summer is supposed to be about fun.

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