Politics

Politics

Trump Makes a Move

By 3.19.15

He fired himself. And he’s looking for a new job.

Donald Trump has announced he is departing from NBC’s The Apprentice — the show that entered “You’re fired” into the American popular lexicon — and he’s headed for New Hampshire. His goal: to fire the Obama agenda…with an eye to becoming the Republican nominee himself.

The announcement of “The Donald J. Trump Presidential Exploratory Committee” came yesterday. Said Mr. Trump: 

Donald Trump Forming Presidential Exploratory Committee

By on 3.18.15 | 1:22PM

Congratulations, America! Donald Trump is dropping the next season of his television show, The Apprentice, in order to figure out whether he'd like to serve you in our nation's highest office. 

This time, though, he's going one step further in his mission to rule us all with an iron hand and an impressive hair sculpture by forming an exploratory committee and picking up staffers in New Hampshire, one of the key primary states. Because if there's anything the Republican party needs right now, it's Donald Trump.

A senior adviser tells the New Hampshire Union Leader that Trump will not be renewing his contract with NBC for the reality television “Apprentice” series.

Combined with staff hires, Trump’s announcement that he will form an exploratory committee for the first time is a sign the billionaire is seriously considering running for the Republican nomination.

Trump’s statement on forming the exploratory committee hints at the razzle-dazzle to come for a turbo-charged personality known for skewering the political establishment.

The EPA Wants To Watch You Shower

By on 3.18.15 | 1:04PM

If you're like me, a night away at a hotel means one thing: a long, hot shower. It's not that I want to deliberately drain a Holiday Inn's water heater of its supply, it's just that it's rare, when you live in an urban area and pay out the nose for your own water, to want to spend time cleaning yourself in it. And there's the added benefit, at hotels, of not being stared at awkwardly by a group of cats who don't understand the concept of bathroom doors, or why you would willingly subject yourself to water.

But, the luxury of the long, hot hotel shower may be yet another thing lost to the prying eye of Uncle Sam. Thanks to a new proposal from the EPA, a couple of fascinated felines may be the least of your worries. In an effort to get Americans to adjust their shower behavior, the government wants to cut you off, and in service of that goal, they'll be watching you shower.

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) wants hotels to monitor how much time its guests spend in the shower.

Dems Block Human Trafficking Bill Because It Doesn’t Give Everyone Free Abortions

By on 3.18.15 | 12:25PM

We're trapped in a legislative conundrum stemming from Loretta Lynch's confirmation as head of the Department of Justice. As we get closer to that landmark vote, that will probably turn out to be an easy ride, anyway, complicated only by weeks of digging in heels over legislative minutiae, Democrats and Republicans are working to wrangle themselves into positions of power for any potential compromise.

Two weeks ago, the Justice for Victims in Trafficking Act had strong bipartisan support and it looked as though the bill would pass quickly, ushering in a few affiliated bills that would directly impact the way law enforcement handled victims of sex trafficking. The VTA itself created a sort-of "slush fund" of cash to fund victims services and law enforcement efforts, collected from the fines levied on traffickers during the judicial process. While Republicans apparently meant "victims services" to mean actual victims services, Democrats decided that "victims services" meant free abortions and so, it all fell apart.

Rep. Aaron Schock to Resign

By on 3.17.15 | 6:48PM

Ah, Illinois.

We had just jogged past the two year anniversary of the last time a sitting Illinois politician entered a guilty plea on a Federal crime. Former Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr. copped to a Federal wire and mail fraud charge on February 20, 2013. He was sentenced in August of 2013. And for two blissful years, we were free of the immediate taint of Federal corruption. At least, the current taint. 

And then, there's Rep. Aaron Schock, who, today, became the bazillionth Illinois politician to fall prey to the trappings of elected office. He will resign effective March 31, 2015.

Illinois Rep. Aaron Schock resigned Tuesday, less than 12 hours after POLITICO raised questions about tens of thousands of dollars in mileage reimbursements he received for his personal vehicle.

Starbucks To Improve Race Relations With Coffee Cups, Possibly

By on 3.17.15 | 11:04AM

A few years ago, when we were struggling through a shutdown that impacted a whopping 2% of government services, Starbucks Barista-in-Chief Howard Schultz, whose management of the coffee company is just slightly better than his management of the Seattle Supersonics, decided that the time had come to use Starbucks's most powerful weapon - writing the occasionally misspelled phrase on a paper cup - to bridge the partisan debate.

In a move that convinced absolutely nobody to embrace a bipartisan solution to the shutdown crisis, Starbucks baristas across DC began writing "Come Together" on cups of coffee dispensed to Congressmen and their staffs. It quickly became a running gag, and Starbucks has since taken a hiatus from interfering in the day to day lives of everyday Americans whose names they often can't even pronounce correctly. 

Until now. Now, they're taking their coffee-marking scheme nationwide in a bid to encourage the legions of white liberals who pay $5 per cup for subpar espresso drinks to improve race relations, by scrawling "Race Together" on their cups.

Mitt Romney Will Fight Evander Holyfield for Charity

By on 3.17.15 | 10:48AM

He may not have been able to beat Barack Obama, but can he beat (literally) one of the greatest boxers in the sport's history?

Mitt Romney - yes, that Mitt Romney - will suit up and enter the ring on May 15, perhaps for the toughest (actual) fight of his life, as he squares off against Evander Holyfield. For charity, of course. I mean, obviously. I know Romney's been busy these last couple of years, getting pizza with his grandkids and spiffing up his La Jolla car elevator to sell, so that he can move to a brand new plot of land in central Utah, but I don't think he's been pounding cow carcasses and chasing chickens.

Forget about Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather, the real fight of the century is scheduled for May 15 when Mitt Romney enters the ring to battle Evander Holyfield in Salt Lake City.

Yes, you read that right. Romney, the former Massachusetts governor, and Holyfield, the five-time heavyweight titleholder who smacked around the likes of Mike Tyson and George Foreman, are going to lace up gloves and duke it out in a charity exhibition.

Team Clinton Says Personal History Is Important - If You’re Marco Rubio

By on 3.16.15 | 2:12PM

Team Ready for Hillary is incensed.

The prospective candidate must be held accountable! This person's history must be laid bare for everyone to see! Questionable friendships must be discussed, alliances must be disclosed and everyone must now know who they are, where they were, and why they were together!

They're talking about Marco Rubio of course. That mild-mannered, soft-spoken Senator from Florida whose past is plagued with scandal and intrigue, belly-up law firms, deleted emails, and flung lighting. Oh, wait. Sorry. That's Hillary Clinton. But it doesn't change that Ready for Hillary wants something done and wants it done now, because personal accountability is paramount where political candidates are concerned.

Dems Defecting on Iran Deal

By on 3.16.15 | 12:47PM

They may not be happy that Sen. Tom Cotton went to the trouble of drafting a letter to the President reminding him that he needs to run any Iranian nuclear deal by Congress before emptying the silos and shipping off the yellowcake (which, it seems, was never actually sent to Iran), but that doesn't make Congressional Democrats any less likely to bristle at the thought of coming to the bargaining table with the mullahs.

Democrats - including the Administration - assumed, at least according to POLITICO and other media outlets, that Cotton's letter would make it easier to pick off Democrats who had previously expressed conscern at the Administration's willingness to engage in talks with Iran. After a week of signature-gathering and snarky responses, however, the White House hasn't managed to pick up any support it didn't already have. And skeptical Democrats are still being maddeningly skeptical.

Ted Cruz Scares a Small Child, Probably

By on 3.16.15 | 12:24PM

This is a better than usual Monday morning, mostly because it's 70 degrees in Chicago and I've been watching The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt nonstop on Netflix. But also because a number of liberal outlets have been posting this "damning" video of Ted Cruz "making a small child cry" at an event over the weekend. 

Apparently, while addressing a small collection of New Hampshire voters as though that weren't a precursor to exploring a Presidential run (after all, why else would you go to Nw Hampshire?), Ted Cruz told the audience that the world "is on fire," and it made one little girl, Julie Trant, a bit concerned. 

Now, while it may be understandable to be terrified of Ted Cruz, for various reasons and at various times, it seems fairly overblown to suggest that this three-year-old is going to be permanently scarred by her encounter with Senator Cruz. After all, that sequinned green top hat in the video frame is far more likely to give any reasonable person nightmares.

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