Politics

House Passes Bill to Defund Executive Amnesty

By on 1.14.15 | 2:57PM

This is probably so pointless that it's not even worth reporting on, but I suppose there's always that outside chance that apparently surviving an assassination attempt by his former country club bartender could be enough to embolden John Boehner to take on the White House's veto and whip those votes into quick submission. 

Okay, I said it was an outside chance. Anyway.

Today, the House passed a measure that would defund Obama's executive amnesty program, attached to a bill that would fund the Department of Homeland Security through September. The final count was 236 for, 191 against, mostly along party lines but with ten Republicans jumping ship to vote against the bill and two Dems voting in favor.

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Elizabeth Warren Says She’ll Skip 2016

By on 1.13.15 | 3:28PM

In order to maintain its commitment to Executive excellence, the Democratic Party needs to introduce a first-term junior Senator into the mix for President in 2016. Unfortunately for the nation's Subaru owners, Coexist bumpersticker consumers, and higher-education professionals, they're going to have to find a first-term junior Senator who isn't Elizabeth Warren.

Despite rampant speculation that Fauxcahontas herself would challenge Hillary Clinton for the top prize, Warren confirmed to Fortune magazine that she has no intention of seeking higher office…yet.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) gave a new type of answer about possibly running for president: she's not going to run for president.

Warren, a favorite of the liberal wing of the Democratic party, was asked if she was going to run for president in an interview with Sheila Bair for Fortune magazine.

"So are you going to run for president?" Bair asked.

"No," Warren responded.

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Ted Cruz to Oversee Obama-Gutted NASA

By on 1.13.15 | 1:31PM

This morning, a bunch of science-focused entertainers, whose greatest contribution to actual science involved starring in science fiction shows and occasionally chatting about their experiences on podcasts and Twitter, were losing their minds over Ted Cruz's appointment as chair of the Senate Commerce, Science and Transportation Committee which will give him, among other responsibilities, oversight of NASA. According to said entertainers, unschooled in the basics of conservative and libertarian ideology, Ted Cruz will most certainly use his new power to gut the space program and retask all Federally-employed scientists with figuring out how dinosaurs could peacefully coexist with humans in the Garden of Eden just short of 10,000 years ago.

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Paul Ryan Won’t Run in 2016

By on 1.12.15 | 6:44PM

I'm not sure if this is surprising, considering he was on a losing ticket in 2012, but Paul Ryan will not be running for President a second time. Although it does not say that he's declining the opportunity out of fear that he could end up on a ticket with Mitt Romney again, I'm sure that played into his decision.

At any rate, he is at peace with the decision and will, instead, continue to seek his rent in the House.

I have decided that I am not going to run for president in 2016," Ryan said in a phone interview, noting that he is "at peace" with the decision he made "weeks ago" to forgo a bid for the White House.

"It is amazing the amount of encouragement I have gotten from people - from friends and supporters - but I feel like I am in a position to make a big difference where I am and I want to do that," he said.

The nine-term congressman believes he can make that "big difference" in his new role as chairman of the influential House Ways and Means Committee rather than as a presidential contender.

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Cowboys Lose to Packers, Chris Christie Hardest Hit

By on 1.12.15 | 1:31PM

Notorious cheeseheads Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker and Senator Paul Ryan decided to bundle up in their Sunday finest and attend yesterday's NFL playoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Green Bay Packers, which, combined with Dallas's Detroit Lions shellacking, almost forced yours truly to root for the Green Bay Packers. 

Almost. You have to remember I live in Chicago, where rooting for the Green Bay Packers is almost as much of a sin as asking that the local Democratic Party machine not allow your dead body to vote in all future elections. 

Anyway, while Chris Christie was safely ensconsed in his warm, toasty owners box with his best friend, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, Walker and Ryan were establishing prevailing optics for their 2016 primary contests by freezing in Lambeau's stands like the rest of the die-hard Packer fans. And they made sure that, when the Cowboys eventually lost to the Green Bay Packers, that Chris Christie was properly shamed.

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Mike Huckabee Makes Beyonce First Target of 2016 Campaign

By on 1.12.15 | 12:52PM

Like all potential 2016 Presidential candidates worth the cardboard they're printed on, Mike Huckabee will release a book detailing his life story, his political intentions and his feelings about subjects of great importance to the American public. The book, whose not-at-all-pandering title is God, Guns, Grits and Gravy, will utilize Huckabee's "straight shootin' style," will deliver a "realistic yet optimistic approach to moving America forward," and will feature the former governor in as many button-down plaid shirts as possible.

His first target in the war on everything that is ripping America apart at the seams? Beyonce.

Because, obviously.

The former Arkansas governor and Fox News talk-show host – a conservative Republican and musician himself who knows how to get attention – is coming out with a new book, new book God, Guns, Grits and Gravy in which he levels a scalding review of Jay Z and Beyoncé and their explicitly steamy "Drunk in Love" duet at the Grammys. 

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Hillary Clinton Gets Her Own Coloring Book

By on 1.12.15 | 12:21PM

If you already own the Ted Cruz coloring book you can now expand your collection of kid-oriented political fare concerning the 2016 Presidential candidates. 

For a mere $10, starting tomorrow, you can become the proud owner of Hillary: The Coloring Book, which will depict the former First Lady in 30 classic Clinton moments, from her idyllic childhood, to her hard-barganing days as the Secretary of State. And, as expected, you or any child you're willing to expose o Hillary-related propaganda, can design a whole wardrobe of pantsuits for her to take on the campaign trail.

"Will Hillary dust off her impressive collection of executive pantsuits and make another run at the highest office in the country?" the coloring book asks.

There's also a page devoted to the "texts from Hillary" meme, which is the photo she uses on her Twitter account.

The coloring book, which costs $10, is available Jan. 13 on Amazon for a discount. Learn more at the Ulysses Press website.

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Correction on Ed Gillespie

By on 1.12.15 | 9:05AM

In last week’s column on “The Scalise Mess” I cited a remark by last year’s Virginia GOP Senate candidate Ed Gillespie. The quote was from the “Notable and Quotable” section of the Wall Street Journal. In the piece I identified Ed Gillespie as a “lobbyist, specifically, the ‘G’ in QGA Public Affairs — Quinn Gillespie & Associates.”

Ed has contacted me to say: “I left QGA in June 2007 to work in the White House for President Bush, and severed all ties with the firm. I have not lobbied at all in nearly eight years, and have no affiliation with QGA.” He adds, “I have no professional association with (QGA lobbyist) John Feehery or QGA.”

He adds: “Would you mind clearing it up for the readers of TAS (of which I’m one!).”

No problem. I was wrong, and I regret the error. 

This is a good moment to reprint the Gillespie quote that got the attention of the WSJ and then myself:

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Romney 2016 is Officially A Thing Now

By on 1.9.15 | 5:11PM

It's official!

Sort of. Maybe.

Mitt Romney has told donors that he considering a run for the White House in 2016. Because, if Jeb Bush, Mike Huckabee and Chris Christie weren't enough to pique your interest, a man who has already run for the office twice and lost should definitely make you pine for the days when we chose our elected leadership with physical trials through a gauntlet. 

Okay, so that was American Gladiator. But admit it, you'd like to see them have to run The Gauntlet on their way out of each and every debate. Anyway, Mitt Romney will accept your donation now.

Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney , the Republican presidential nominee in 2012, told a meeting of donors Friday that he is considering another White House bid in 2016, people present said.

The possibility of a third Romney bid could upend the emerging GOP field, coming as top Republican donors are starting to rally behind former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush.

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Harry Reid May Lose Sight in Injured Eye

By on 1.9.15 | 4:21PM

Harry Reid may have injured himself in a way most likely to be replicated in an Adam Sandler movie, but his facial lascerations and bruising are no laughing matter. 

Last week, Harry Reid reportedly tangled with a piece of exercise equipment and lost. Harry sustained a black eye, broken facial bones and three broken ribs when an exercise band he was using snapped back into his face, causing him to fall onto another gym machine. The black eye has caused blood to pool inside his eyeball and it's possible he may permanently lose sight in his right eye.

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid says doctors are "very hopeful" that he'll regain sight in his right eye after a recent exercising accident but that it's not a "slam dunk."

"I had a serious injury in my eye," he said in an interview with KNPR in Nevada. "There's blood accumulation there, and they're hoping that resolves itself."

"It's a day to day deal," he added, saying that he's limiting his reading to prevent straining his healthy eye.

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