Rick Perry Is Also Running for President Again

By on 6.4.15 | 10:38AM

I have three reasons you'll be excited to hear that Rick Perry is running for President. One, Texas. Two, glasses. Three...ummm...there's definitely a third one but I can't remember it right now. 

It may, in fact, be the endless supply of terrible jokes produced by his first run for President in 2012. 

At any rate, Rick Perry is back for a second round and this time he promises not only to do better debate prep, but to inspire hope to believe in and change to count on. He's going to be compassionate yet tough, informative yet whimsical, intelligent yet accessible. He's leaving the cowboy boots back in 2012, and embracing the hipster glasses with all his might. And by golly, he's ready for you to jump on this bandwagon and join him.

Four years after his first presidential campaign was crushed by the weight of his debate gaffe and stump speech mishaps, the governor who spent 14 years presiding over Texas is launching his second bid for the Republican nomination on Thursday.

Blinken Confident to a Fault When Sizing up ISIS

By on 6.3.15 | 3:25PM

With ISIS recently gaining key cities within Iraq, Iraqi Prime Minister Haider al-Abadi has asked for support from the 25 countries in the coalition. According to the Washington Post, he said they “are not getting it.” 

Despite the apparent cries from Iraq, the United States has decided to stick with it’s current strategy, only increasing the intensity. Deputy Secretary of State Tony Blinken was confident that the Islamic State would fall. As Blinken said to the Washington Post on Tuesday:

“We will redouble our efforts,” said Deputy Secretary of State Tony Blinken, who was leading the delegation after U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry broke his leg in a cycling accident in eastern France over the weekend. IS, Blinken said, “stands for nothing and depends on people who will fall for anything.”

George W. Bush Basically Crushes Obama in a Popularity Poll

By on 6.3.15 | 3:11PM

It must be the artwork. Or the grandchildren. Or the fact that he's not President anymore. But at the moment, George W. Bush is enjoying greater popularity among Americans than President Obama

A CNN/ORC poll out this morning shows that a majority of Americans have a positive view of former president George W. Bush. It’s the first time the nation’s 43rd president has had a higher favorable rating than unfavorable since early in his second term. Fifty-two percent of respondents had a favorable view of Bush compared with 43% who held an unfavorable opinion.

Contrast that with Bush’s numbers shortly before he left office in January 2009, when only 35% of Americans viewed him favorably.

Bush’s ratings now are better than the current occupant of the Oval Office. President Obama’s favorable ratings have dipped to 49%, a far cry from the stratospheric numbers (78% in January 2009) he enjoyed shortly before entering the White House.

Marie Harf Not Sure Why You’re Concerned About Iran Nuke Stockpile Increase

By on 6.3.15 | 12:31PM

I believe Marie Harf recently received a promotion to a senior advisory position in the wake of John Kerry's devastatingly stereotypical Parisian bike accident, but that clearly hasn't stopped her from ruining otherwise informative press conference with her utter and complete confusion over foreign policy. 

Hillary Clinton Womens’-Only Event Doesn’t Sell Out, Invites Men

By on 6.3.15 | 11:40AM

There's an immediate concern with Hillary Clinton as a candidate that isn't often discussed: while she's strong in many Democratic circles, she's lousy with white men, which, like it or not, make up the decisive chunk of American voters. In order to take the Presidency, Hillary doesn't necessarily need to win dudes, but she needs to make sufficient inroads among them to tear off a decent chunk of them. And while she's solidly in posession of, say, the group of guys who wear tee shirts that say "this is what a feminist looks like" and drive Korean-made cars with Coexist bumper stickers on them (though, in fairness, some of them my be Sanders voters), she's severely lacking in the "Home Depot" crowd, so to speak.

The womens'-only events probably won't help. Though, when it comes to targeting identity demographics, it seems Hillary isn't doing so well there either. Her last womens'-only event attracted so few ladies, she was forced to do something her campaign must have thrown up in their mouths a little over: admit men.

Political Hay

Martin O’Malley: The Great Deceiver

By 6.2.15

Martin O’Malley wants to be president. He wants the job so badly he’s apparently perfectly willing to re-write history. To just refuse to tell the truth. 

In his announcement speech for president the other day, O’Malley, the man who governed both Baltimore and then Maryland for years, stood in front of the cameras and practiced the political game of — there’s no other way to say it — lying by omission. Said the would-be president:

We have work to do.

Our economic and political system is upside down and backwards and it is time to turn it around.

What happened to our economy — what happened to the American Dream — did not happen by chance.

Nor was it merely the result of global forces somehow beyond our control.

Powerful, wealthy special interests here at home have used our government to create — in our own country — an economy that is leaving a majority of our people behind.

An economy that has so concentrated wealth in the hands of the very few that it has taken opportunity from the homes of the many.

TSA Has 5% Success Rate in Locating Hidden Bombs

By on 6.1.15 | 5:39PM

Last time I traveled, I went through Fort Lauderdale Airport. Its sister airport, nearby Miami International, has tons of traffic, long security lines, and mile-long walks to get to your gate. Ft. Lauderdale, on the other hand, has a group of rabid TSA agents who take advantage of the relatively weak crowd around their security checkpoints to act like complete totalitarian lunatics. Typically, I'm happy to comply with TSA regulations. After all, they're just doing their job, even if I think they represent the jackbooted foot of the police state smashing the very foundations of our liberty beneath its heal. This time, molested and harassed, with my belongings spilling off the conveyor belt, I was pretty much ready to announce my one-woman crusade to abolish the Transportation Safety Administration before the end of the fiscal year.

DOJ Collecting Your ‘Right-Wing’ Social Media Posts

By on 6.1.15 | 3:02PM

One of the primary contentions, yesterday evening, of Establishment Republicans and Democrats in defense of the NSA's massive data collection program, was that the program was not only free from abuse (something we know is not true), but that it's ultimately useful in targeting real threats to the American people; maybe not yesterday, maybe not today, but perhaps some day in the future it will ensnare an entire sleeper sell of Jihadists mid-phone call to Iran, giving an unsecured credit card number to their yellowcake suppliers. The data collection, you see, is done only on those whose backgrounds demand it. If you've done nothing wrong? Then why worry that your cell phone data records are stored on a massive supercomputer in Utah, where they can be routinely downloaded and searched?

Lindsey Graham Declares for President

By on 6.1.15 | 12:21PM

Its only Monday and already this is a great week for Lindseys.

Lindsay Lohan will wake up this morning to her first-ever full week off probation in eight years, and Lindsey Graham, who has committed to torturing us and himself with his ambitions, has declared that he will be one of the many Republicans competing for the Presidential nomination in the fall of next year. Now, while Lindsay Lohan will be spending her day completing her community service requirement, teaching a number of very unlucky children at a day school in Manhattan, Lindsey Graham will spend the day pressing the flesh in his home state of South Carolina, reminding everyone that he is ready to be Commander-in-Chief on day one.

"I’m pretty sure no one here, including me, ever expected to hear me say, 'I’m Lindsey Graham, and I’m running for president of the United States,'" he told a cheering crowd in Central, South Carolina.

PATRIOT Act Expires, But Debate is Just Beginning

By on 6.1.15 | 11:00AM

I would have written this last night except that I was engrossed in a horde of ice zombies attacking a bunch of escaping villagers (until I realized I had switched over from CSPAN and was actually watching Game of Thrones and not the Establishment GOP and the Obama Administration wailing and gnashing their teeth over the temporarily lost power to infringe on the rights of American citizens in the name of national security).