Politics

Jeb Bush Loses Weight, Writes Book, Releases Emails

By on 12.15.14 | 3:10PM

So far, the Republican field, which is expected to be an embarrassment of riches come the 2016 primary season looks far more like a straight-up embarrassment. From the Dr. Carson miniseries to the threat of a second wave of Rick Santorum branded sweater vests to the threat of Mike Huckabee in general, we're not looking at banner slate of early-adopters.

But while these two might not fit the bill from a more libertarian perspective, conservatives might get their very own early candidate to despise. Word on the strees is that Jeb Bush is all set to announce his candidacy for 2016. He's lost some weight, he's written an e-book, and for Christmas, he's gifting you 250,000 emails from his time as Florida governor.

You're welcome, America.

Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush said on Sunday he will release 250,000 emails from his two terms in office and write an eBook outlining his governing philosophy. The moves have set the political sphere atwitter with speculation he's closer than ever to deciding to run for president in 2016.

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Joe Biden Told a Campaign Story that Might Have Been the Plot to The Godfather

By on 12.15.14 | 2:07PM

Joe Biden was honored last Wednesday by the womens' rights group "Vital Voices," which exists to help combat domestic violence against women. While accepting his award for doing his part in the vast #WaronWomen, Joe, who will need to court the female vote in order to defeat his two potential primary foes, Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren (both nominally female), told a story about how, when he was a kid, he beat the ever-living tar out of a boy who pushed his sister off of a bicycle

Biden regaled the audience with a brutal anecdote about his youth — when he was Joey Biden — that he insisted was totally true.

“I remember coming back from Mass on Sunday,” Biden explained, according to the Beast. “Always the big treat was, we’d stop at the donut shop.”

His father was waiting in the car, as was the custom, he said. On this occasion, Biden’s sister, Valerie, “tugged on” the future vice president’s arm and said, “‘That’s the boy who kicked me off my bicycle.’”

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Michele Bachmann Wished Barack Obama a Merry Christmas And Told HIm to Bomb Iran

By on 12.12.14 | 3:48PM

When you get an invitation as rare as an invitation to a White House Christmas Party (even if you're a member of Congress, who gets one every year), you need to make your few seconds with the President count by making your deepest Christmas wishes known, just like you did when you were forced to sit on a mall Santa's lap for an awkward photo in your formative years. And Michele Bachmann, who will retire from Congress this year after a career of dedicated service to our country, decided to do exactly that this year, when she had the President's ear for a brief time after her family took a photo with him.

All Michele Bachmann wants for Christmas, it turns out, is to bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran.

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R., Minn.) knew the White House Christmas party this week would be her last chance as a member of Congress to speak directly to President Obama. She didn’t waste the opportunity.

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And Your Next Presidential Contender Is…Rick Santorum

By on 12.11.14 | 12:49PM

Oh goodie.

In an interview with the Washington Post published yesterday, the former U.S. senator from Pennsylvania made every indication that he would run for president again in 2016.

“We’re definitely the underdog in this race,” he told reporter Karen Tumulty. “We’re just obviously in a better place right now. Our message will be a lot more focused this time than it was last time.”

Santorum ran a surprisingly strong race in 2012 Republican primaries, acting as a conservative spoiler who briefly topped Mitt Romney in the polls. He won contests in 11 states.

He believes he’ll be a stronger candidate in the upcoming election season.

“I get the game,” he said.

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Scott Walker Needs an Email Proofreader

By on 12.11.14 | 12:44PM

I know that some of our readers are die-hard Scott Walker fans and with good reason. Living just an hour south of the Wisconsin border, I honestly feel like Scott Walker, the only living governor to win the same race three times in five years, makes my cheese, sausage, outlet shopping and Renaissance Faire better and safer. He's been able to contain the madness of Madison, Wisconsin to the thirty square miles or so it occupies, without allowing Wisconsin's resident Communists to smear their patchoui incense, ultimate Frisbee and economic illiteracy across an unsuspecting state. 

But Scott Walker really needs to hire some consultants to proofread his emails for cultural sensitivity.

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Patriot Nation

The Self-Hating Americans

By 12.11.14

They hate America. They hate themselves for being Americans. 

And in a vivid display of just how far self-hating Americans will go to smear their own country, look no further than this quickly infamous leftist-generated so-called CIA report. Its title as bequeathed by the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence: Committee Study of the Central Intelligence Agency's Detention and Interrogation Program.

Three former CIA directors, two former deputy CIA directors, and a former Democratic Senator on the Senate Intelligence Committee have responded in detail to the report pushed out by California’s Senator Dianne Feinstein, the outgoing committee chairwoman. And they have not been kind.

In the Wall Street Journal, the three former CIA directors — George Tenet, Porter Goss, and Michael Hayden — say this:

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The Good, the Bad, and the Cromnibus

By on 12.10.14 | 4:17PM

The Cromnibus, the $1.1 trillion behemoth that will soon become the law of the land, funding the bloated Federal government easily through to next Columbus Day, is, according to its authors, the very definition of svelte, completely devoid of extraneous spending, and an unprecedented example of fiscal restraint on the part of lawmakers...at last according to lawmakers. But check out a few key elements of the bill that weren't scrapped, even if they were of dubious necessity.

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All Hail the Cromnibus

By on 12.10.14 | 11:53AM

After much hemming, hawing and belt-tightening, Congress finally unveiled their "pared-down" yearly budget, this year lovingly titled the "CRomnibus" because it is the product of the unholy union between a continuing resolution (CR) and an omnibus spending bill. The reason for the cute nickname is simple: the omnibus spending bill will keep the government funded through next September, when we have this same fight all over again. The continuing resolution will keep the Department of Homeland Security funded only until March, in the hopes that the Republicans can somehow pass an immigration bill that will keep Obama from declaring that everyone, including, but not limited to, various animals and inanimate objects, can obtain legal work permits.

While the two parties did spend much of last week cutting out unnecessary spending and negotiating the details of the bill in order to avoid a shutdown, the very best, lowest number they could come up with to keep the government rolling on is $1.1 trillion, because everything is terrible and we've lost all sense of reality.

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The Torture Memos and the New War on Terror

By on 12.9.14 | 1:02PM

The Senate Intelligence Committee released a report this morning detailing the CIA's detention and interrogation of suspects during the War on Terror, from the beginning until 2009. The report, compiled by staff members working for the Democratic members of the Senate Intelligence Committee, is over 6,000 pages long and provides a graphic accounting of CIA torture and imprisonment, and goes into detail about how the CIA continued its global operations outside of Congressional and Bush Administration oversight.

The report details how the CIA treated detainees in its custody, suggests that the practice known as "waterboarding" was far more widespread than previously believed, and notes that while the CIA routinely justified its tactics as necessary to save lives and prevent acts of terrorism, the "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" it practiced did not provide as much information as they initially claimed. 

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Jonathan Gruber is Sorry He Called You Stupid

By on 12.9.14 | 12:54PM

Jonathan Gruber is testifying before Congress today about his role in constructing and passing the Affordable Care Act. You should know all about this, because the Administration released a memo detailing how the Bush-era CIA used Enhanced Interrogation Techniques including something I don't want to get into titled "rectal feeding" to obtain information in the War on Terror, that pretty much every news outlet is covering instead of Jonathan Gruber testifying before Congress.

Now, don't get me wrong. The Torture Memo is important. So important, in fact, it probably shouldn't have been used to detract from hearing on how the Administration and Congressional Democrats, along with their advisors, may have misled the American public on heath care reform. But I digress. Jonathan Gruber is testifying today, and he has a very special message for all of you idiots out there, who were duped into believing Obamacare was actually about improving your health care system: he's sorry.

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