Carly Fiorina Likely to be Next Presidential Campaign Launch

By on 4.23.15 | 1:29PM

It looks like Carly Fiorina will beat Dr. Ben Carson and Mike Huckabee out of the gate: she'll declare her intention to run for the Republican Presidential nomination on May 4th.

The former CEO of Hewlett Packard will, apparently, follow in the footsteps of Ted Cruz, Rand Paul and Marco Rubio by announcing with an online video and following up with a call for national press, according to the Wall Street Journal. If the reports are true, she will be the first Republican woman candidate in the field.

Former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina will launch her presidential campaign on May 4, the Wall Street Journal reported Wednesday.

Fiorina, a Republican, will announce her campaign online, according to the WSJ.

Hillary Clinton Might Have Helped Russia Get Uranium in Return for Donations

By on 4.23.15 | 1:12PM

This story is a tad bit complicated, but I can boil it down for you a little. Maybe. Bottom line? Hillary Clinton's foundation took a heck of a lot of money from a company that basically gave Russia our Uranium. Which is a problem. 

When Hillary Clinton was Secretary of State, Russia, which was, at the time, looking to buy a lot of Uranium for some unspecified reason, made a deal with a Canadian Uranium company that controlled about 20% of America's Uranium deposits. Russia used a state-owned company to buy the Canadian corporation. At the same time, the Clinton Foundation coffers conveniently - or inconveniently - swelled with cash with the Canadian corporation. Oddly enough, Hillary Clinton's office, which had to approve the merger, happiliy signed on the dotted line.

And none of this is weird, right?

White House Says Hostages, Al Qaeda Killed in Drone Strike

By on 4.23.15 | 12:40PM

I can't be funny about this, because there's nothing funny about it.

Today, the White House released details of a drone mission that went horribly wrong. In an attempt to strike at an Al Qaeda base on the Afghanistan/Pakistan border, to take out Ahmed Farouq, a notorious American-born Al Qaeda leader and Adam Gadhan, another US-born Al Qaeda member and radical Islamic preacher, the US also killed an American and an Italian hostage.

Two hostages held by Al Qaeda were killed during separate US drone strikes on terrorist compounds, the White House has revealed.

American aid worker Warren Weinstein, 73, and Italian humanitarian worker Giovanni Lo Porto were killed during counter-terrorism operations in a border region of Afghanistan and Pakistan in January.

President Obama has taken 'full responsibility' for the operations, admitting that US forces can sometimes make 'deadly mistakes'. 

Special Report

Hillary’s Iran Scandal: The Empress Has No Clothes

By 4.23.15

Iran, Victor Pinchuk, and the Clinton Foundation?

Did you miss the story of Erika Smalley? 

Where to begin as the fairy tale image of Hillary Clinton begins to dissolve under the white heat of a presidential campaign?

The smoldering began yesterday afternoon on Sean Hannity’s radio show when Hannity tipped breaking news by saying, “I have sources, and I am telling you that maybe even as early as tomorrow there is going to be a huge, massive blow-up for the Clintons. You might hear this figure: 100 million dollars. And you might hear a country that is named Iran. That’s all I’m going to say now.”

Hours later Megyn Kelly led her Fox show with the tale of Victor Pinchuk, a story originally surfaced in the still-barely-alive Newsweek. The Newsweek story was headlined as follows:

Hillary Clinton’s Big Benefactor Has Trade Links with Iran

Meet the NSA’s Ridiculous Recycling Mascot, “Dunk”

By on 4.22.15 | 2:51PM

The NSA will likely get a gift from Sen. Mitch McConnell this week: a massive reauthorization of their metadata collection and surveillance program, codified in the PATRIOT Act. Even though the NSA's practice of invading privacy to collect cell phone information is uniformly unpopular with both parties, and measures have been taken to reform the process and even interrupt the NSA's authority, in pursuit of a perfect record of completion for the Senate, McConnell is bypassing objectors and shoving the bill through. It could allow the NSA to keep scanning your phone bills for evidence of your terrorist activities through 2020.

Barack Obama Celebrates #EarthDay By Burning Fossil Fuels

By on 4.22.15 | 12:22PM

Having spent a significant amount of time in Ann Arbor, Michigan, I have lost almost all of my appreciation for Earth Day. Sure, I believe that we as humans have a responsibility to ensure that our planet remains clean, and to use our resources with care and consideration for future generations. But there's a big difference between environmental stewardship and whatever Earth Day is about - even if you don't consider that the co-founder of Earth Day stayed as true as possible to his commitment by composting even his ex-girlfriend. In Ann Arbor, they would celebrate it by hosting a drum circle. And I would celebrate the drum circle, by driving around it in a sport utility vehicle, spraying aeorsol hairspray out the windows.

Republicans Reach Deal to Hold Vote on Lynch Nomination

By on 4.21.15 | 4:38PM

This morning, Democrats and Republicans came to a consensus on a human trafficking bill that was the main hurdle to holding a vote on Loretta Lynch's nomination to head of the Department of Justice.

In defiance of their Planned Parenthood overlords, Harry Reid, now exiting the Senate for greener pastures and safer exercise equipment, ultimately caved on the point of contention between the two parties: a provision that would have prevented funds earmarked within the program for medical costs from going to provide abortions. Republicans changed the bill to prohibit any expenditures under the bill from going to medical care, instead shuttling those expenses through appropriations, which are already covered under the Hyde Amendment. Democrats rolled over, probably on the assumption that their abortion-promoting donors would fail to understand the fine print, and now we're on to the Lynch nomination.

Rapper Waka Flocka Flame Wants the GOP Presidential Nomination

By on 4.21.15 | 3:49PM

I think. Stay with me here.

Yesterday was 4/20, the unofficial national holiday celebrating marijuana. Generally, Presidential candidates try to avoid referencing 4/20 unless they have a comprehensive policy regarding pot legalization and/or the relevance of 1990s jam band Sublime. Few take the opportunity to unveil their Presidential campaign on 4/20. Until now. 

Rapper Waka Flocka Flame, better known as "Waka Flocka," yesterday announced that he will seek the office of the Presidency in 2016, and marijuana legislation will be among his top priorities

Waka Flocka Flame took time out of his favorite holiday (4/20) to make a special announcement Monday. Via Rolling Stone, the Queens-born “No Hands” rapper announced he’s making good on his 2012 tweet: “I’m dead a– running for president in 2016.”

Campaign Crawlers

All Aboard the (Magical) Mystery Machine

By 4.21.15

Early last week, as Hillary Clinton’s monster Mystery Machine van rumbled its lonely way down I-80, stopping only occasionally to interact with carefully selected peasants and purchase overpriced Mexican food, someone on Twitter pointed out that the only way Hillary’s Quixotic quest to endear herself to her countrymen made sense was if you thought about it like this: sometime, in the not-so-distant future, someone with a lot of love to give and a healthy sense of masochism creates an approximation of a bordering-on-geriatric female. He dresses her in a pantsuit, fluffs her bleached hair into a bowl cut, gives her some programming guidelines, and sets her out into the world on a quest to understand and appreciate humanity until she can finally feel their emotions, just as if she was born a real boy (or girl — I’d hate to be considered sexist).

Member of the 1% Hillary Clinton Wants to ‘Topple the 1%’

By on 4.21.15 | 12:51PM

Being Hillary Clinton must be difficult. I mean, I have a tough enough time keeping small lies of convenience straight, let alone an attempt to mastermind the creation of a populist progressive facade. The sheer exhaustion that must result — it must wear into her like nothing else. 

Earlier this year, in preparation for her Woman Warrior of the People campaign, Hillary Clinton met with economists who instructed her on the fine art of discussing income inequality, and demonstrated, with the help of easy-to-understand pictures, how the "top 1%" of wage earners were now, officially, off the charts thanks to the machinations of those dastardly Republican economic policies, spearheaded by the Koch brothers and, miraculously, put into effect during a Democratic Presidency. 

Hillary Clinton's response? Smash the institutions of the wealthy and lop off their heads.